-Nick, my 61 year old buddy from the gym that just so happens to love seeing my girlfriend's bite marks along my neck. I'm guessing that he is pretty wild in bed, too, but, ladies, he is taken by a hot 45 year old.

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought I'd be writing to you and thought that all those letters written were such false pieces of shit only to stroke a man's ego or to sell such a false hope. I've rarely ever heard of any guy that was out walking his dog only to come across a sexy 20 year old coming up to him only to say 3 words: "Fancy a fuck?"

You, Penthouse, are a weird magazine that does not find its way into my house all due to horrible lighting in your photography along with a page after page of women with their legs spread wide open. Have you no decency to realize that I was taught by nuns and that this is not of a lady's true behavior!?! That bad things happen to the poor males in view of such an extravagance!?!

When I first came across you, Penthouse, it was at a tender young age and in the middle of my grandparents' neighborhood was you, you lying there like someone just chucked you out of their car's window into the street. Pages were torn and tattered but somehow there was life within you. Why would someone do that? Littering is not something I take kindly to.

Page after page was so new to me. My father, a Playboy subscriber, had nothing like this ever adorn his desk! What I saw just had me either disgusted or completely mesmerized at such a young age! Why would a perfectly good white woman take a guy's penis into her mouth? What the fuck were those pink lip-like things in between that woman's patch of hair located between her legs!?! Why the fuck is my 12 year old penis now swelling up and making it hard for me to walk?

This is why I find myself writing to you, Penthouse. At a young age, I found myself drawn to reading letters sent your way regarding sexual escapades I never thought I'd find myself in but lo and behold! A night spent underneath a staircase had me wondering if all those letters describing such sex acts were true...........

So, what do you do when you see your significant other after a long 2 weeks apart? Do you just sit there and talk, too scared to even touch his/her forearms just lightly? Do you start to sweat too much all because you worry about needless things and give into some type of fear?

After a 2 week wait to see Sara, I was in the local IHOP with her. Gawd, don't you just love a 24 hour restaurant at such unusual hours? There's something sexy about being in a place where there are few people during this time period and the person you adore is there as well.

Of course, Sara and I found ourselves talking quite a bit all while enjoying a late dinner. I had that giant Monster Burger with fries that I do not recommend all due to the burger being bland and the fries too small in portion. I'm a big guy that needs more to fill up my energy level since it's already working at a high speed due to Sara's presence.

It was a nice night, mildly cool but warm enough for shorts and a t-shirt. Sara was in a dress of some sorts and due to being male, I have no idea what type it was. What I do remember was what was underneath thanks to a male mind that tends to focus at certain times. As you can see, it's not as complicated as we'd like but I'll tell you this. I'm not complex 24 hours a day.

Well, Sara and I made it to the door but not quite. She pulled me into the corner area underneath the stairwell. The kiss in front of her apartment's door was not enough and the heat easing out of our bodies was enough for a good complicated lip locking tongue battle. Man, your battlestations, boys!

The corner. That's all you need to know at around 2am was now ours. It's an apartment building that somehow kept our body heat all in the nice little tight area as Sara dropped to her knees in order to unzip my baggy A & F shorts. Oh, the freedom of my swollen cock to find relief from such tight quarters and into Sara's hands!

Okay, I was a bit stunned but that wore off fast. My cock's head was licked so lusciously that I'm sure I was quite noisy with moans of pleasure. Sara soon lay there with her legs wide open and looking up at me as I was now in her mouth.

You should know me by now. No matter how much in pleasure I am in, I want to bring that to Sara as well. With some kind of athletic movement, I was able to slant my body in order to push Sara's panties to the side and insert my thumb. Gawd, I so love a woman that is soaked with so much warmth within her vagina. I'd plunge deep as Sara moaned with delight and lick some of the stickiness now on my thumb.

It was late so there wasn't much of a worry that people would see Sara and I in that apartment building's corners. She pretty much had control over me due to my balls now in her mouth or being licked. Did I ever tell you about the moon that night? It has such a tendency to......

I didn't want to finish in the corner. As sexually charged as I was, I'm a romantic at heart, one that was soon walking into Sara's apartment desperately trying to keep his cock hard on the way to the bedroom. Ask any man and he will tell you that a good sex session is one that everything trivial within his mind will be pushed off to the side all to experience it. Orgasms are gifts not to be taken lightly.

Oh, and it all gets even better! I'm always laughing about Hugh Grant's character's love of big panties and how it excites him on their first appearance. (Okay, so I watched the Bridget Jones sequel and laughed at this but don't you dare tell any of the boys this). Well, I was so fucking out of my mind to find that underneath that dress was a black panty and bra set along with black stockings clipped to a black thingee I have no clue as to the name but I'm sure all girls know what I am talking about.

*Whoo! Big sentence.......must rest now.*

I lay there and experienced that cosmic oral experience all guys dream about. It's the one where the girl gets so into going down on you that your cock becomes a piece of candy delightfully devoured til you can't hold back any longer. I came and it was a powerful orgasm that had me a bit winded and in awe as Sara continued having her way with my cock. Oh, the things I couldn't wait to do to her and did.

Sara just lay back and I let my fingers do what comes naturally after enjoying the night's panty puddle delight of feeling the back of my fingers get wet underneath that stairwell. I love watching her cum and move about in such ways that you'd think it was a woman possessed that my face was nestled in between her legs. Alas, I was home!

I'm not sure how to explain all this but when your lover puts in such a huge effort to make you cum, it's your duty to realize this. Sex is sensual, fun, and all those things you describe it in that kinky portion of your head. Well, we could add a bit o' pain due to my love of being bitten here and there.

Editor: "How about those scratch marks? You been fighting dragons or werewolves? Somebody is a bit o' da freak when it comes to bedroom activities."

Now, I love a good lovemaking session as anyone else with a love of sex does. It's just that there are times where you can't help yourself, the moon is full, and the night feels so good. A nice rush is had and you find yourself in a knock down fuck session across a camaro or BMW that you don't even own but it was screaming your name to take your lover from behind. Yeah, it's kind of like that but we had a stairway to enjoy each other's bodies that night.

Well, I could get into the various other sex sessions but I'm a bit tired all due to the day's long errands while catching up. It's not over for I will be heading out to Indiana on Saturday in order to meet Sara's friends. I'm not sure how the gig is going to take place but 1 is moving away and this is my good chance to meet him. I'll fill in more later on.

The other issue is I have finished another Dragon Lance book. Yes, I am into the thrilling adventures of dorkhood by enjoying stories of elves, dragons, and dwarves that hate swimming. What, you think I sit around reading Penthouse all day!?! I rarely even see a porno since I'm all over the place.

I'd like to add something. It seems that people are seeing The Virgin Mary in a tunnel thanks to salt stains. People from all over are coming to take pictures and pray in this image's presence. Aren't the deeply religious such empty fucks!?! Someone paid big money just because of a religious image in toast but now there's going to be a crowd in a tunnel as well!?!

Bush signed into a law something that will make it more difficult for people to declare bankruptcy in order to avoid paying. The idea is nice but what this law does is make it fucking hard for those that have to live with debt an actual life. Like it or not, there are people that find it hard to make ends meet thanks to medical bills or not having enough money to get the necessities in life due to a shitty economy.......*excuse me*.....job.

Oh, I love it how analysts clearly Republican talk of how great everything is. The rising gas prices are going to make life much, much worse since prices will start to rise. The gas used to ship those CDs, DVDs, and clothes will have to be paid for in some way due to heavy transportation costs. $3 per gallon is not far off since it's already a reality in parts of California.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07