-Napolean Dynamite

I was just walking out of my room when all of a sudden I noticed that VH1 was playing their When Star Wars Ruled show. I've said it once and I'll say it again. The lines shared between Princess Leia and Han Solo were some of the best said:

Princess Leia: "I love you."

*Han Solo is lowered into the facilities carbon freezing chamber*

Han Solo: "I know."

Now, if someone could just get George Lucas to stop writing the dialogue along with directing, everyone of the segments of Star Wars could possibly give the Lord Of the Rings Trilogy a run for its money. PJ put more effort and actual thought than Lucas since only Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back were worthy of amazement. Fuck the Ewoks! At least PJ never backed down and gave all 3 flicks a send off no one could ever do better while Lucas's ego seems to get the best of him.

I'm in a pretty good mood even though it's Friday night and it's just me. Yup, me with 5 Yorkshire Terriers but only Buffy is allowed in my room since she gets more out of staring out my windows than the others. I'll read on the bed or watch TV while she tells the rabbits to go fuck themselves.

It took me a while to get over the need to be around people so often. The old days where you'd find me at various parties and other people's houses are long gone. I'm so much more quieter and feel no need to rebel or release that energy we all get at some point where we just have to go out.

So, south? Well, I wanted to get into Indiana but the south is the best to start since I'm so calm at this time. The visit itself was nice but I'm growing tired of Bald-O's ignorance here and there. A part of me also wishes he would stop drinking so much along with the chewing and smoking. I guess you get older but you also care enough to wish others to stop the speed of killing themselves. Oh, yes, Bald-O still has the surgery to deal with his hernia.

One of the highlights, at least, for me, is to see Bald-O's dog, Blue. Yeah, he named the dog after Old School's "Blue" since we all liked him. An old geezer wearing a wrestler's ear protectors and long underwear when he's about to wrestle 2 topless women is a great man that all men hope to follow one day.

Bald-O and I always say that line found in Old School that makes us instantly laugh:

"I can see Blue. He looks glorious."

In case you don't know, I have seen Old School more than 20 times and still find myself laughing each time. You can also count the scene in Van Wilder that has to do with the farting strippers as one that makes me cry laughing. As smart as I am, I still fall for some of the dumbest shit ever created by man.

Unfortunately, the south also brings about people, people that completely dumb down Bald-O. I've heard of women hating it when their boyfriends' friends come over. Well, I get annoyed when Bald-O's older brother stays too long. For me, it was all weekend.

Bald-O's brother's name is Rob. I've mentioned him before where Bald-O and I would do a play by play as Rob slept in which we commented about the number of holes in the dude's underwear as he slept. I was shocked that Rob's girlfriend lets him out of the house like that since those things were barely being held up by the elastic as his big hairy ass let out little sighs of gas.

FYI: Rob did like the farting strippers scene in Van Wilder as well. Actually, all men do.

I've grown tired of booze cruises but it's a must in the south with my boys. I just hate having to pee every 15 minutes as we drive down the backroads into who knows where with 3 cases of Natty Light. I'm completely fine with whipping out my cock to wash the truck but it's just not the same as it once was. For the life of me, I have no idea how a girl would be able to do this but Bald-O's sister did do it once. Yes, she pee'd with us but behind a shed only to have her appear a bit early as I stood there with my wang out. I got a sly smile as the sister walked by me.

One of the major issues I'm tired of is that my throat is so fucking dry the night our drinking happens. I'm not sure how many beers but it was most likely around 15 for me. Bald-O and Rob can go a good 20something each. Getting up at 4am in the morning to drink a major glass of water only to find Rob playing with himself on the couch is not what I wish to have happen. Unfortunatly, we will call that Saturday night.

A cookout happened on Sunday afternoon that consisted of a charcoal grill (my fave for burgers) for burgers and brats. Even mac n' cheese was added to make a very stuffed Hedgehoggy.

It was when Bald-O decides to bring out his sudden need to tell of his urge to finger a girl anally that I became shocked. Not once has he ever talked of an interest in anal sex since it was "gross" or just plain "disgusting." What I think brought this out is the fact that Bald-O has not had sex for a long, long time. Girls in the south eventually grow tired of guys that chew too much, drink too much, and smoke too much. Plus, I don't know of any southern girl that has an interest in allowing a guy to play with her backdoor.

Now, this brings me to a somewhat related issue in my problems with my best friend, Bald-O hates gays. Many southerners share his feelings and it is all over down there that people follow like moronic lambs whatever the local priest says. Sad but true. Although most of this hatred is based on the fact that homosexuality is seen as wrong, another part is that anal sex is a sin. Gee, do you remember a gay hating guy that is just dying to finger a girl in the ass?

Bald-O is my best friend so all I am saying is that I have a few issues with him. In no way would I ever force him to change his ways. It's just that I can only be around him for so long nowadays thanks to having a very open mind. I have no problems with gays or bisexual people since I actually think this is a part of life. Besides, a person's sexuality should not be your business but their own.

What I should say is that Bald-O and I go way back when it comes to college. Without him, I wouldn't have had the amazing times I did since the 2 of us had this personality that could charm the shyest of people or turn the most boring of events into something unforgettable. Yes, I came very close to dressing up as Britney Spears on Bald-O's birthday when we were going to tie him up and blindfold him. Me, coming out in a little Catholic school girl outfit would have been something only you can dream of here on Diaryland. It's too bad they don't make those outfits for guys with very enormous chests.

I did notice that Bald-O is quite lonely and in no way would a guy admit such a thing. He's a good looking guy with some very bad habits but the problem is that he has become so shy of girls along with living in a tiny town. Oh, Bald-O's well known and habits of his are known as well. Wonder if they know he wants to put a finger up the ass.......

Late Saturday night, I did get to witness the mating dance of the southern male. You get drunk, drive out to a bar 35 miles away, sit in the corner, and hope a girl talks to you. Fine by me but I'm not single and had a great time watching a 50 year old woman grind her ass onto a 20 year old black guy. I'm not completely sure how to describe that but it was good.

There is something to be said about dive bars that are just completely shitty. Right next door to the okay bar I just witnessed that dance was an horrible one that basically looked like a bunch of meth addicts walked in to play pool since sleep was not possible. Ever seen people on that shit? I have and it is impossible for them to sleep.

Oh, I could go on a bit more and describe watching the season finale of Survivor (I knew who would win even though I never saw an episode) and tell more about the bars but there's not much to say. It's when I got this question from Bald-O that shocked me:

"Mike, are you going to get married?"

Holy shit! I know that Bald-O is scared of losing me to marriage after so many of his drinking buddies have gone down the ol' route of "Can-tonight-kid's-asleep" but I think the fact that I'm with Sara has scared him. Gawd, I've hardly ever thought of marriage since I don't see myself as someone to do this with. For one thing, I like time alone and an actual life to the point that kids are not in the picture. I like to feel that I can still be me and continue to have fun. Plus, I'm very much in the advice that Kristan left me:

"Never grow up, Mike."

That whole question caught me off-guard but I do understand the fear. Bald-O certainly doesn't want to lose me since I guess you can put it in his dad's terms:

"Mike, you say some of the stupidest shit but you are funny, very funny."

So, I leave you with all of what went down in the south that found me peeing on a truck, witnessing mating rituals, and knowing that I should not walk out into the living room at 4am. Soon, I'll get into Indiana and my thoughts on the author's unusual take on sexuality and how I do admire it but.......soon. Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

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