-"Heaven Is A Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle

Okay, first off, I got socks! Whoo! Go me. These are special socks in that they are each a complete color. 1 is red and the other is blue so I am just in heaven with the fact that I am slowly branching out of bland white socks. Do I sound strange? Allow me to sound more manly.......

I got some new socks, yo. There, that sounds so much better than the above paragraph where I lost my mind in the fact that I had to brag about getting 2 pairs of special D.R.I. Nike fit socks. A part of me just wants to see if my feet even lose a drop of sweat.

Yoda: "Weird boy you are."

So, I got to witness an interesting battle in my backyard, Dog Versus Toad. A nice little toad was just minding his own business in the middle of the deck while I took Buffy out. Good thing I noticed the little fella since Buffy seems to have this little agenda on destroying all toads. While the other 4 Yorkies would just bark at it or nudge it with their little noses, she's in complete attack mode.

I'm an animal lover completely so I gathered up said toad and tried my best to get Buffy to have herself a little green friend. Nope. Buffy was just waiting for me to place Da Dude (We are so giving this toad a name, here) so her ninja Yorkie skills would be put to use. A little nip here and there but, alas, I save Da Dude again.

Now, I thought better of my little dog, Buffy, since she has been picked on constantly by the other dogs, namely because of how tiny she is. I was shocked that she'd pick on Da Dude like that and took the time to scold her on all creatures great and small. Besides, that toad could be somebody's prince if his legs don't end up on an exotic dinner plate.

Oh, poor, poor me. I've been dropped from someone's fave list. Boo-hoo-hoo. Actually, I don't give a shit at all since I read the guy's diary and how he seems to have entry after entry about how he wants a girlfriend. It's sad, as I've said in a countless number of times, that people think they deserve to have a diary when they have nothing to say but the same ol' thing over and over. Lick my Air Jordans, asswipe.

That brings me to the fact that I've been on the hunt for interesting diaries. Many have been read. Few have been added since I find that people do not either:

A). Know how to type a story of the event in question so that I can follow in a precise manner. Not losing your sense of self and creativity is a must since we should get a sense of how you feel.

B). Lying on sexual encounters is sad. How does a 14 year old fuck 5 guys in 1 night and then proceed to blow the local 7 Eleven owner only to be learn that they have no alcohol for sale?

C). Boring is the complete killer. C'mon, liven things up! Talk about how you just did the most gigantic turd and ended up trying to flush it down with a maximum total of 12 flushes instead of how bad you want a girlfriend or boyfriend! C'mon, we know you like to urinate in your plants. Do tell! Does your cat's butt look like the pope's face? Really? Let it out, girls!

All I'm saying is that there are people that continue to drone on and on with nothing to grab a reader. I like sass and vigor to make me feel something. Naked pictures don't hurt but not necessary. It's amazing how so many girls want to show their tits to the world and it's not even Tuesday.

Good gravy, I have just discovered that 1 of my gym pals is geekier than I thought. When I mentioned the fact that I've been reading the Dragon Lance Series, he looked at me with eyes that said: "Mike, I've been reading those for years. What took you so long?"

Yeah, I know. It doesn't add up in which 2 guys are talking about Star Wars, video games, and a book series that contains dragons with evil maidens. No sense at all. Just don't tell anyone since they didn't even notice us while they watched ESPN's Sportscenter. Our geekiness would hit a whole new high in which we will be shunned to work out in the corners where workout fiends congregate to fart.

FYI: There is ALWAYS a place in every gym I've ever been in that people will walk over to, fart, and then leave as if nothing happened. Always. The reason is all that protein shit bodybuilders take in that causes the body's stomach to run amuck.

In all seriousness, it was nice to know that my friend was happy to inform me of dorkdom that I need to catch up on. I've been in bookstores only to find that there was a huge series of these Dragon Lance books but I had no knowledge of in all that time. I'm normally up to date on what people read even if I don't since I love books.

Tonight, I'm really missing Sara. It's pretty obvious since I can't wait til next week when our plans for me to get there thanks to having the whole apartment to ourselves. Just me, Sara, and Spook. Ghosts are not into threesomes but they enjoy watching since sex gives off this heat filled energy.

So, the big problem in Illinois according to our local newscaster? I thought it was going to be about the shortage of stores being able to stay open thanks to Wal-Mart. No, it's far worse. People are hooking up in parks, yo.

Oh, I just couldn't stop laughing at how people are now going to the parks, sitting on the benches, and then proceeding (or begging) for a passer-by to fuck them. It's mostly gays that are meeting up to fancy a shag behind the bushes but the occasional married man walking the dog might join in.

You know how everyone says, "What about the children?" when it comes to protecting the innocense? Enough of that since no one thinks about the poor squirrels and chipmunks that will be traumatized by the sight of 2 people having rip roaring sex. Their lives may never be the same again, just like that toad's bout of sadness that my dog does not accept him.

But it is weird how people are now meeting up in parks. Not to bring their sweethearts (as Sara and I have been known to do) but to fancy a fuck on the parkbench. It must be the sounds of the cute little birdies that bring about the thoughts of romance instead of the techno music blaring. You can't go wrong when Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" comes on.

P.S. A, I didn't know that Best Of...CDs didn't count. Damn, that would have made my list much, much harder. Air Supply? Oh, that had me laughing. I'll admit that A-Ha's "Take On Me" was playing in my head today. Should I redo my list and add more peculiar shit since I do love to give shout outs to bands that have started to enjoy the extra time spent in the buffets? I must be the only one that loves Wang Chung's "Dance Hall Days." C'mon, hit me with your best shot, A.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07