-Albert Einstein

So, my plans for the 4th Of July Weekend are to get my little ass down south on Saturday afternoon. Just a little chillin' here before that 2.5 hour drive I dread doing on a hot day to make my way through the scenic route with more cows than I need to know about. Just love the smell of cow pies and the sound of meth addicts at work in the garages in the afternoon.

I mentioned that Bald-O asked if Sara was coming. There was an unusualness in his voice over this question and I think I know why. Bald-O's afraid I will get married soon to which my life will be devoted to no more hanging around talkin' bullshit or urinating on his truck.

Editor: "Drunken boys need a big target!"

In all seriousness, it goes like this. According to the group of ex-college friends I have been in, I am next to walk the aisle. First it was Scott, then Amy, and so on all the way to Mark. Hell, Bald-O's mom has a picture of me with the garter of Mark's wife, Crystal. Southerners, especially the mild religious of them, think that I, Hedgehoggy, will dress on up and find myself married for life.

Boys secretly hate to see their friends get married. Why? No more boozing around like complete idiots as often as possible. Children come first and this is very much witnessed with Mark having 1 kid and another on the way thanks to a very pregnant Crystal. Various other friends of Bald-O's are long gone thanks to being married as well. Those nights of when a knock on the trailer's door would bring guys, a case, and obnoxious conversations are long gone. Can you handle large southern guys that have very little reading/writing ability?

Fact: Mark, once, drank 20something beers AND argued with his girlfriend over the phone in the afternoon and more at the bar later that night. No one can outdrink this guy!

Well, my best friend, Bald-O, is a great guy even if he has these habits I cannot stand. My jaw is somehow kept shut while he throws out garbage from his freshly pee'd on truck. Ignorance of Bald-O's in which he says he hates gays gets to me as well since some of my friends are gay. Oh, how I'd love Gay Nick to give Bald-O a lapdance, something I almost ended up doing when the gang was going to have me dress up as Britney Spears but I already told that story.......

I'm one of the last of Bald-O's friends that isn't married. The 2 guys coming to visit (also ex-college roommates) are also unmarried but they just aren't as close as Bald-O and I. In fact, Blondie was engaged but his fiancee cheated on him with his best friend. Got that? I'm pretty sure Blondie hates women now. The guy is kind of an asshole, so.......

Overall, I laugh at Bald-O's worry. I'm fine with Sara. I can't speak for her but I'm pretty sure she enjoys being with me as much as I with her. It's just that I don't think of marriage but want to have fun til the day it just might pop up. There is a whole world to explore and things to learn. Why the fuck would someone want to see the other person as property since that is where marriage first came from!?! Seriously, it was not in the bible but in how much a woman was worth along with 2 donkeys and a broom.

If you remember, I did mention what I do see as a wedding if I were ever to find myself involved in one. I may have unusual feelings about marriage but I do like to picture things for fun. First of all, I have never worn a ring on my finger in all my life. Yes, the wedding band will be the only one or a Claddagh Ring as corny as it sounds would be nice. Second, the wedding would be at midnight while torches create light. It'll be small or large depending on her family. Mine is teeny-tiny. Last, I'd like a medeival feel to it all. The gothic look is a nice addition if fishnet stockings are your kind of bag. Am I the only one that hates boring traditions?

Sara and I have tossed around just the topic of marriage itself. That's all and nothing more. We're fine so the actual event, if ever, would not come up for a long period of time. Sara could grow tired of me and find someone smarter or cuter but also a coffee drinker. Funny how I find it sexy when she drinks the stuff.

The last time I spent time down south with Bald-O, you could see how sad he is that people have just disappeared. The loneliness is there since he did tell me that he drank over 15 beers alone while watching his 55-inch HDTV set. What I wish is that Bald-O would see that his habits are quite destructive to not only himself but I truly do not know a girl that would date a guy that chews a lot, smokes a lot, all while getting completely drunk.

FYI: Bald-O, once, dialed 9-1-1 while completely trashed. The cops came while the girls held me in a room since I, too, was drunk but pretty rowdy. Ah, college life, don't y'all miss it?

Isn't there some point that we should grow up? I may have mentioned the great advice Kristan gave me in which she said, "Mike, never grow up. Ever. That's the secret." Well, I think I have no matter how much I continue to try in keeping the memories of being 8 and 9 (my best years!), I did. I don't drink as much as I used to and I find myself relating less and less to so many people on Diaryland especially those in high school. Apparently, the dumbing down begins here, folks.

Yeah, I'll be pretty fucked up since it's college boys getting together this weekend. "Southern hospitality" begins with a case of Natty Light but my heart just isn't quite into that as it used to. Dammit, I hate growing up! Twisted Sister was once my idols since a true rebel could quote the great Dee Snider:

"I wanna rock!"

This is where a strange guitar chord would come in, my body will twirl around violently, and become a heavily made-up guy sprounting what looks like golden noodles for hair. Damn, I'd look good in leather and some knee high boots!

Speaking of how boys behave more like girls than they think, I went up to Doug while in the gym, Illinois's top powerlifting champion in the bench press, and had a conversation that made me laugh while thinking about it here at home.

Hedgehoggy: "Hey, it's Doug! You look different! I can't quite figure it out but you really look different!"

Doug: *While slowly twirling around* I lost 17 pounds! *Huge smile on his face* I feel so good!"

For some reason, I kept thinking about this conversation that was completely serious with a very big guy that I've known for some time. Doug's all power, folks, but we men are all little women inside. I think my mom would agree on this.

Reporter: "We interupt this, uh....very odd entry for TomKat Watch. Well, folks, Tom Cruise's premiere for War Of the Worlds was a short while ago. He is still engaged and in love with the woman that will not put out. Why am I laughing inside, oh, I'm still on camera? Can we cut that out? No? Damn, I am so gonna get my ass sued but I don't care. One of Hedgehoggy's favorite bloggers went to the premiere and reported of how the crowd was bribed with lots and lots of candy while waiting for the stars to arrive. Tom's against Ritalin but believes in cavities. I am confused here as much as how a little 5 footer of a guy can save the world from aliens. Back to you, Hedgie."

Well, this is all yo' gonna get for tonight. As much as I'd love to get into more of the topic of blowjobs and the latest type of panties designed for overly jealous boyfriends, I'm gonna zip my lip til I feel like it. I've got to mentally prepare myself for a weekend of lower IQ points and male bonding at its best. Good thing this will have a temporary lull with a lot of families coming to visit as well. Will I get away with lighting bottle rockets from my butt? Will I revisit my need for speed for riding the motorcycle into the pond? A city boy can get lost out there now, ya' here? Goodnight.

- - 2009-07-07

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