-"Across the River" by Bruce Hornsby And the Range

Oh, how those lyrics played in my head as I drove 2.5 (give or take a little) hours home. As much as I love a trip down south to see my old college roommates, my time in the south is not entirely for me for a long period of time. I'm a city boy at heart with a love of things beyond cows and green grass. Oh, how I do love a good walk along the pond at Bald-O's but I always have a driven look in my eye.

So, I am back as of a more fuller me thanks to much rest. Yesterday, my body was going through much in the large consumption of alcohol. It's male bonding at its best since we most likely can't stand just looking at each other. We need reasons to be able to barely walk and a high alcohol content is the solution when stuck in a trailer with 3 other guys on 40 acres of glorious land. You can also add 1 dog that enjoys jumping in the creek for a short swim but it's a she.

It's laundry day so I'm happy to have my old Nike polo shirt that I left at Dave's 2 years ago. He said that there was a surprise waiting for me but wouldn't let me go with him to his car. Holy shit! I was so happy to see my old polo shirt even if out of those 2 years, Dave never bothered to wash it. Yup, all the small yellow sweat stains on the neck area were still there.........for 2 fucking years. Well, the point is that I am happy to have a shirt that means a lot to me since many memories were followed through with this shirt.

So, what do drunken boys do? Sing! Dammit, Hedgie loves to watch drunken singing since it makes no sense all while you try (and I mean attempt) to let out what your mind is desperately wanting to say. For me, I just belted out Tears For Fears's "Shout" to Dave.

"Shout, Shout!
Let it all out!
These are the things we can do without.
C'mon, I'm talking to you.
C'mon!"

What was funny was Dave and I completely looked at each other and did our best to mimic Tears For Fears's song. You can also add Scandal's "Goodbye To You" since I was singing that while looking in the fridge to load more beer up. I'm not sure what this song was telling me but I'm sure it was the possibility of beer disappearing since Bald-O was on his way in the trailer.

As I said, I'm not really into drinking excessively as I once did while in college. We called those nights "Tuesdays" and "Thursdays" since you could find us walking out of the bars singing our best. I still remember everyone doing their best "Sweet Home Alabama" once.

Male bonding is just strange and has to involve alcohol. No guy enjoys being too close to another guys but after 14 beers, I swear that Blondie and Dave were so close. Dave sat right in front of Blondie like a little lapdog whereas he'd never normally do this. Bald-O and I laughed while the guys looked confused.

Well, someone couldn't hold his licquor and surprisingly it was Bald-O. Right when I woke up around 9am and Blondie asked if I threw up, I was ordered to see what happened in the bathroom. At around 4am, a big mess of puke was nicely huddled around the toilet seat. At least the smell had died down.

Here's where I laughed. Bald-O's parents came by right at this point to return the tables used for the big 4th Of July bash as they do every year. As soon as Bald-O knew of this, the cleaning spray was in use and all evidence of a major alcohol binge were erased. That meant that the stack of beer cans had to be thrown away or hidden (the trash was full). See? All it takes is a little persuasion as I kept the parents busy by going out to talk to them.

Girls: "Boys are weird. Throw rocks at them."

It was somewhere around here that I am happy Sara did not come with me to Bald-O's 4th Of July bash. There is no way I would want her to deal with what I am pretty much used to.

-Dave pee'd all over himself thanks to being too drunk to stand up at some point.

-Toilet paper went missing and we all know how girls need their 2-ply.

-Various bad words were used to describe each other. Boys tend to do that since alcohol reduces personal feelings.

Of course, I was banned from the fireworks after what I did last year in making the little kids' night one to enjoy. Bald-O's mom got mad at me for bending over and lighting bottle rockets to the point that the kids were just too impressionable. The cheers brought out a totally different side of me, folks.

Now, I'm not a person that enjoys being put up on display. However, while walking into Dairy Queen, people's jaws just dropped. You see, I was wearing a shirt that I cut up to so my arms were revealed a bit much. The heat had me do this but, man, it was funny to see people stare at my arms! A wife with her husband and daughter motioned for all of them to look at me while others stared as well. Guess I have gotten a bit bigger, huh?

What Dave said had me confused. He sits down next to me on the couch to say, "Mike, you haven't changed one bit" but then says, "You have gotten bigger!" Which is it, Dave?

It's so amusing the responses I get regarding my body and the way it has gotten thanks to the gym. Bald-O's little brother's girlfriend stared at me quite a bit while making comments. It's as if these people have never seen a real life weight-lifter before. I'm Superman in a small town trying to keep his identity secret but the heat is making it impossible. It could just be that I'm a sexy bitch.

There's plenty more on the south but I'm dying to get back to what I was doing earlier. I have much to catch up on with my dogs since I was busy yesterday as well. Buffy keeps wanting to lick me since my departures make her sad. This is according to my mom.

Today has been pretty cool in that I pulled into Borders's parking lot to find a mama duck with her little ducklings. There were 3 of them that she kept a close eye on and even allowed me to get pretty close. Too bad I didn't have my camera since the ducklings all had that cute fuzzy look.

So, I'll get into more later on as to what happened. There is more male bonding at its best since the inevitable takes place when I wear a shirt with no sleeves. You'll find me singing karaoke to the B-52's "Love Shack" like a mean mutha'. If visiting Bald-O, you have to take a moment to belt out in a song. Dave has "The Masturbation Song." What's yours?

"I think of you everytime I...........
masturrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbate!"

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

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