-Playboy, August 2005

Well, I am just cotton picked out when it comes to this humidity. The rain here hasn't much helped because I constantly had to find myself in stores or wherever trying to pull out my damn undies wedged up my butt. I truly do not care who sees me do this since I've seen others suffer along with me. How you girls can wear a thong is beyond me.

It's this time of year that the only moment I even feel the slightest bit of sexiness is when I've had a long hot bath. I'm just not a shower guy since I like to read in the tub. Those are only taken when there is someone joining me, like a cute little brunette that lives in a haunted apartment.

I've spent a short while in my local indepedent bookstore reading. Now, don't you just love this about my diary in that you have absolutely no fucking clue as to what I am going to talk about next? Well, the topic was assholes. Yup, just me in a soft chair reading a magazines question and answer session on assholes, a subject Bobby Brown knows a lot about.

The question had to do with bleaching the asshole. Did you know people are doing that? It's more along the lines of trying to get back to youth in which our assholes were a little less colorful. In other words, not so dark. You can go along the lines of joking that as we go through a lot of poopin' in life, our assholes tend to get a ring. Nope, it's just age on our brown eye.

So, bleaching? Freaky. I don't even remember how they do all of this but the picture had a woman laying face down with a funnel in her ass. If this does not warrant any sort of jokes, I don't know what to do to get you to laugh. Clorox? A little Joy or various soaps? My whole thing is that if you can't see your asshole, then what's the problem?

I'm all for off-color topics since most diaries are all "I did this today" or "My cat barfed........again." Assholes, a lovely topic can really bring about conversation of various facial appearances. No one wants to realize they have one but they bring them along anyway.

I got a kick out of reading how porn stars and women that pose for porn mags go and have their assholes waxed quite often. In fact, I even got to see a video of this being done. Those people getting them bleached should think about this because this lady used in the training video had the pinkest one once those strips were ripped. Wow! It's not only thongs that I have no clue as to how women live with these things but also bikini waxes.

In my personal opinion, I've alwasy found women's assholes so cute. No, no, no. I'm not an anal sexhound or anything. It's just that I find certain things in the human anatomy interesting with what their design gives to the eye. I've even found people that have absolutely no clue as to what an asshole looks like, mainly women. The explanation is that no woman I've ever heard of has ever come across her man's unless he wants some assplay.

We've also got to laugh at our asses. We guys have some major hair that, so far, is the only thing still keeping us in the caveman period. Now, I trim mine since I'm sure Sara doesn't want to see that mess but the boys (I'm not talking about my balls, okay?) down south have what I'll call "bunny tails." Yeah, I've seen Bald-O's large mass of dark hair right above his ass crack due to dorm-life.

It's just odd to me how we are so obsessed with the most insane of things. We are not allowed to have any hair and from the looks of things, we'll start seeing more men going to get pubic waxings more. Oh, the pain as Billy holds Bob's hands as each rip is done. Afterwards, they'll go have a little wine and bitch about it.

There was a website the devoted pictures to every odd object found lodged up the asshole. The list was unbelievably funny so I wish I could remember what had me in such a state of shock.

As you know, I'm leaving tomorrow night for Indiana. Yeah, it's gonna be an interesting visit in which Sara and I are going to the Harry Potter release at Barnes N Noble. Come by and say hi if you dare to find me among little kids that I can safely say as being okay. Those that actually take the time to read are deemed worthy of standing next to me in line as long as their kool-aid smiles are kept to a minimum.

Mama Fratelli: "Kids suck."

Hopefully, you've seen Goonies to know that line. Man, I'd give anything to be involved with a group that consisted of Chunk, Data, Mikey, Mouth, and, of course, Sloth. Who's with me on that one?

Hey, you guys!!!

I've been thinking to one of my sexiest moments with Sara. Now, you'll be surprised to hear that this doesn't go to actual hardcore sex we do in the bedroom and various other places. Nope, I've got this really sweet image implanted in my head of when Sara and I went to Borders and she grabbed me to kiss her. My hand was practically holding the back of her head as I gave her a deep kiss. Oh, it was so good and must have been quite a romantic one since the Asian girl walking by holding hands with her boyfriend was smiling big time at this sight.

Hopefully, you girls out there are getting many deep kisses in front of various establishments. I just love to hold the head or wrap my arms around while doing so. When alone, my hands tend to wander by placing them down the pants to grab those ass muscles.

Oh, I forgot to give a shout out to the movie Shawshank Redemption. I'd never seen it before and had mentioned this to Sara. A late afternoon found us curled up in front of the TV to further my culture to good movies. Well, it's not surprising that like Big Fish (A must see to feel good!), Shawshank held some good merit to the human spirit. I found myself rooting for Andy and Red in dealing with that asshole of a warden. People had told me to watch this and now I can finally say I have. Next up is Sling Blade which I saw the first 20 minutes of and was deeply into just that little bit so fast. Billy Bob's transformation was amazing and this is coming from one of his fans.

FYI: I saw Sling Blade at Bald-O's recently but didn't get very far since the arm wrestling event had us lose our minds. Plus, all of us were drunk soon enough as the guitars were brought out.

So, I hope you enjoyed your stay in HedgehoggVille. I will be departing tomorrow and don't know if I will be able to do an entry. My dad has me running an errand and I have things to do before taking off to Indiana. If looking for me, try and find the wide shouldered spike haired guy with blue eyes. A bigger clue is that he's possibly glaring at an annoying 10 year old up way past his bedtime. G'night.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07