-"B-Boy Stance" by Cassidy

So, the changing of the people is about to take place. August, the time where the local farmboys leave to pursue their academic careers at colleges about an hour away to the coming of the local college girls and boys about to haunt my gym. All would be fine but my chances of actually getting a treadmill go from 100% in the summer to around 40% in the Fall. I'm curious as to what color thong will be the most popular since they sorta bloom at this time of year.

It sounds so strange but I go with the seasons with how my gym changes. You'll hear the grumble of the hardcore addicts thanks to too many people being in too small of an amount of space. The parking lot gets more full and the squeals of sorority girls seeing each other for the first time in......oh, 3 days tends to cause earaches.

I'm sopping up what I can in my gym since the time isn't much farther off in which I will have to deal with various guys getting boners in my gym as girls bend over in the tiniest shorts to expose those camel toes. There's always a pack of guys that will be working out in 1 area only to move with the girl they just cannot take their eyes off of. I'm sure my overly burly friend will come up to me and say, "Look at all the little sluts!"

Don't look at me to say anything of importance. Gay Nick and I were as quiet as can be since I've pretty much done all my "Thriller" dance moves as best I can as of yesterday. Joe, the gigantic ex-college football player with an artist for a girlfriend, was only around for such a short while due to a baseball game he was to play in. Wednesdays are very quiet since a lot of the guys in my gym formed a team. Too bad I was too late to sign up. Then again, Indiana wouldn't be as possible since all games take place on Wednesdays at 7pm. I pick Indiana.

Hopefully, when all else is over, the boys will be back and Wednesdays will be as chaotic as ever. Sure, the excess body heat of half naked college students will make the workouts worse but I'm always up to watch the magic of the mating dance that always takes place. Guys will lift more weight than they should just to impress a girl that has no interest or clue as to the fact that her thong is so obvious.

The only nice thing is that many of my friends from the local college will come back. Various guys hate how girl after girl will wave at me or say, "Hi, Mike!" What can I say? I'm a lovable lug just like Joe, the dude just cannot go anywhere without someone wanting to chat.

So, sex news? Up for this? Well, women get some more new gadgets in their arsenal of personal pleasuring. Guys just have to stick with that old fleshlight thingee that looks like a flashlight in which they stick their dicks into. Just how do you mimic the loveliness and warmth of the vagina, anyway?

Whoops, the new gadget for females is a $100 vibrator that your lover can control from miles away when registered on a website. Just hit him with an email that your ready to go so he can control your frequency while he plays with his hand that he has so cleverly named "Madge." What? You don't think Madge is a sexy name?

I'm not sure on all the vibrator's details but it sure is funny to read about how people can attempt to have sex from miles away. I'm sure phone sex can get a little boring after awhile with all those ear infections from talking dirty. Plus, how many times does, "Whatcha' wearing?" need to be said til it gets boring?

For the really insanely protective boyfriend, GPS tracking panties becomes quite the stocking stuffer. Isn't that sweet? What better way to tell your girlfriend that she is yours forever since you know her goddamn whereabouts each hour on the hour! Then again, once said girlfriend figures out what is going on, she can take off the panties, place them on a raccoon, and watch the real fun start as insane boyfriend becomes infected with rabies.

It's pretty creepy to have a GPS tracking device in a girl's panties. That's kind of a private place but I'm sure overly protective dads might join in on this since Hulk Hogan did put such a device on his daughter's car due to a date she had. Again, weird. GPS tracking devices should only be on child molesters 100% of the time. Sick fucks like that have no rights.

Seen the pictures of Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas that have been circulating on the 'Net? How embarassing it must be for her to pee in her pants during a show all while millions of cameras went off. Believe it or not, that is common in my gym with older women that run on the treadmill too long. Gross but true.

As for me, I'm just trying to stay pretty calm since I'm due for Indiana soon. It's not going to be absolutely perfect since Sara will have worked for 9 days straight by the time I get there. The thought of having to throw her over my shoulder and carry her to the bedroom does have its caveman sexiness all wrapped up in a pretty bow.

That all reminds me of how I may look forward to reporting back to work but I will also be going through some major changes. Our days go from the usual 5 days a week to periods of 2 weeks of working straight until things are calmer. I'm definitely not needing a reminder since I remember letting out some of my frustrations on Diaryland back then. When you are running around an empty store til 3am with other employees as rap music blares, people stop being polite and start getting real. Can you picture grown men in the Barbie section discussing where the prostitutes hang out in town? Well, that would be my boss and the people I work with and, yes, I know where their little corners are since I had to drive by each night.

Prostitutes: "Hi, Mike!"

Bill Maher has a new book out, New Rules. The man is a god! All of life's little witty points in times of stupidity can be found in Bill's insights. Jon Stewart and Bill Maher are fighting to point out what stupid people just cannot understand along with showing the lies that politicians rule us with. It's funny how so many people see them as just comedians while they are so much more than that. Sure, I laugh but I also get steamed when America's stupidity is pointed out.

So, with all that in mind, I am outta here. I'm feeling a bit o' boring today so hopefully this will do for now. Send good cheers my way in surviving these days of anticipation in which I can't wait to get my ass into Sara's warm bed. Vulgar words are okay.

Cheerleader: "I said.........brrrrr, it's cold in here! I sense Hedgehoggy in the atmoshphere!"

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