-New Rules by Bill Maher page 92

Ah, there is nothing quite as comforting when you find an actual man of great wisdom in these times of surging stupidity upping itself through the cracks of Whitney Houston's ass. Those day old turds are more easily dealt with when we cynicals can stop this from happening to ourselves. Yeah, yeah, I get that Being Bobby Brown in entertaining n' all that but I miss finding TV shows with actual merit that equal thought.

Remember that handicapped couple I mentioned a short while back? I'm sure you don't since yo' more curious about what I have to say in the latest color of the beginnings of local college girls coming to my gym (FYI: They are pink!).

Not too long ago, a blind woman and her also handicapped husband had their only means of transportation taken from them, their bike built for 2. Due to their very minimal income and livelihood being taken away, money is super difficult for them. The insurance company would only pay for $450 of the $700 needed.

Well, fast forward to today and our 2 jet setters that cause quite a lot of horns to honk as they make their way about town now have a bike! It's the only feel good type of thing these days what with 20 Marines dead and Bush is still in office. I'm sure a few Saudis were hiding behind the curtain in the White House so that they can, again, hold hands and laugh at the fact that voters without minds help rape our earth.

Did you see Bush, once again, say that Iraq was a part of the plot for 9/11? Talk about a guy that won't let go of complete stupidity!!!

As if that's not enough, I just go the most awful (or amazingly good) news that a huge tremor happened in Hollywood. There is going to be a sequel to Roadhouse, one of my favorite down home southern style flicks with the most fabuloust quotes and a half-naked Patrick Swayze. If this little dude can help shape up a town, imagine what Duece Bigalow could do for male stripping.

I don't know. What do you think and don't you dare hide from the question of a Roadhouse sequel. You saw it. I know it. Everyone did at some point in their life since I've spent countless numbers of times walking by a TV and ended up saying:

"Whoa! This is the part where Dalton (Patrick Swayze with a shirt on this time)gets beaten up til Wade Garret (Sam Elliot! Old guys can rock!) comes by to rescue him from the ugly guy with curls on his head once destined for "barber college."" I say those words with such fondness you'd think I was a movie critic with actual caliber.

You've got to admit that Patrick Swayze is pretty much too old to play a bouncer so many other possible solutions abound. Would he hand over his impressive fighting solutions ("Nobody ever wins a fight") to a younger male (must be able to do tai-chi half-naked) that doesn't look like he's ever had a doughnut in his life. If you've ever been in the southern part of Illinois, all bouncers look like it's going to be a 5-flusher for them each day.

Me? Well, I'm as fit as can be! Oh, you wondered about my day. That's so sweet of you. I'd give you a big sloppy wet kiss but I'm seeing a lovely girl by the name of Sara. Yes, I know I haven't seen my little adventurer of darkness for almost 3 weeks but will be a thing of the past. Monday looks to be the night of glorious passion where I will make my way to Indiana, the place I sleep so soundly after a good hour of bonking followed by much of my penis getting royal treatment.

Boys miss their girls. Girls miss their boys. A vibrator can only go so far since it's missing a steady heartbeat and a tongue.

For me, I was quite happy that my gym was only inhabited by a few people, namely a few hardcores and various once-in-a-whiles. Makes it so much easier to just get to each piece of equipment instead of waiting for the guy with massive back hair to stop sweating over the machine. You don't want to know about that. Girls, do not allow males to venture out of the house if the hair on the back is longer than on top the head and more lustorous than a lion's mane. You married a yeti and it makes my workout much harder when I'm wiping away his back hair sweat.

We all know Fergi pee'd her pants but did you know their is a website devoted to showing pictures of women peeing in their pants after too many beers? Well, it's a good caution for us males since we also learn that sinks can double as girly urinals. That fallen hair just might be from a trimming taken place a little over an hour ago.........before 11 beers and a cosmo since you know how important it is to keep it sanitary down there. When confronted by a "peculiar hair" in the sink, use your imagination and hope it's not curly.

Gawd, it is so much better having a dick.......since our only problem is the annoyance of a guy attempting a conversation while we stand their with our pricks out for relief. Then again, we do have the issue of a night out drinking with the boys and one of these friends pushes us into the urinal. And they wonder why I find it wrong to leave the baseball bat at home.......

I'm just in the mood for flicks. The Roadhouse sequel doesn't get to me until I find out what good ol' Dalton is up to. What I really wanna see is movies containing actors/actresses that get my ol' heart booming. 4 Brothers contains Mark Wahlberg and you know how I go crazy over a guy my height and build kicking it with a crew. Then, we have Domino with the lovely Keira Knightley, instant boner from me. Can you imagine if they made a movie with the 2 of them and added Jessica Alba? Forget Viagra when I'm 80! A guy movie with thought-provoking actresses is like the most firm asshole priests can't wait to break after mass.

So, I'm outta here to try and calm myself after the news from the movie industry. Trying to revive Patrick Swayze's acting career? Well, anything's possible if NASA actually got a shuttle up in space this year. G'night.

- - 2009-07-07

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