-"My dick, my sack" by Too Short

So, what is your excuse? I'm here all for the main theme that lies with the fact that I am just plum fucking tired. My insomnia has made it hard for me to wake up in a rested state since I actually fall asleep at around 3am only to feel the need to rise around 8am. Very strange.

It's funny how a night of bonking with Sara has me sleep the sleep of gods since I pass out. Seriously. I pass out. Just ask Sara about the 10 minutes of cuddling that ends up with me suddenly in dreamland with a cat guarding my feet thanks to her favorite blanket being laid out for her.

It's not just my insomnia that has me at a disposition that bothers me. My finances are in a bit of a disarray thanks to a gym membership, phone, gas, and other various things that all add up to taking away so much that I feel like I barely get by. This job that I am hopefully going to get will turn that around.........hopefully.

Gawd, I hate how some managers toy. The guy I am in discussions with told me to come in today. Well, I came in only to find him in a meeting. Fine. I'll do my errands and come back. Did so only to find that the manager wants me to come back Monday. Geez, I have no clue as to whether I am employed or if I have to wait til the middle of September again.

Plus, I am leaving for Atlanta in less than a month. Geez, it would be great to have some financial security that would put me more at ease. Looking for a worker that has a personality of a pack of hyenas but so sweet like mongoose in protecting you from the cobra? That's me and a bit more so it's no wonder that my past co-workers love me.

Well, ALMOST all. We know what happened between me and Crotch Rot. I'm so happy to ruin that woman's day anytime I can, baby. A squat white woman missing a few teeth and an attitude is just itchin' to be messed with.

Only 2 highlights of my day. I found out that Duck Tales will be released on DVD in November. Holy batfucks! Season 1 of Duck Tales so I can sing along to the most groovy of cartoons as I used to with Huey, Dewey, and Louie flying around with Launchpad ( we called him "Lunchpail" instead ) as they solve crimes of various states. How many others remember that theme song I have on CD?

"D-d-d-d-danger lurks behind you!
There's a stranger out to find you!
What you do is grab on to some Duck Tales!
Whoo-hoo!"

Plus, let's not forget about the release of Sin City on Tuesday. Loved that movie in how weirdly indie it felt. Various characters thrown around so you, the movie-goer, could pick yo' own fave. Mine was Nancy (played by Jessica Alba) and Marv (played by Mickey Rourke). You could also add that silent ninja girl and the story with the hookers shooting up the thugs as the feel good portion of the 3 stories in Sin City. Nothing like seeing a woman with skin tight clothing holding an automatic and a smile on her face as she blows away men wanting a piece of her money. Pimps suck.

So, porn, anyone? Did you go out and rent a few? I did for the first time and this was with Sara. Never in my life have I done such a thing, renting porn, since all that I have seen was from people bring out their daddy's stash or various college shit. Everyone in college has something that helps them get through those lonely drunken nights. I know because my roommate passed out while masturbating to Jenna Jameson's "Flashpoint." That's what I had to come across at around 8am, when I got back to the room.

The porn place that Sara took me to was pretty nice. No one was all worried about you thinking them a freak while a copy of "Fucking Plumpers" was in their hands. You're in the same boat with them since you, too, are scanning the aisle for something better than the latest clown porn video where a male clown is pumping away in a female clown's ass. Lovely sight. Truly.

Most of the porn place's clients were female. I counted only 3 guys. 1 was returning 2 videos while the others were with their girlfriends looking at vibrators. Isn't that sweet? Shopping for vibrators together is so romantic. The rest were basically women looking for various videos, lingerie, or good size dong in the newest dildo about to be plunged in various holes we can only fantasize about.

Sara and I looked at vibrators, paddles (that hurt!), DVDs, and knick knacks for bachelorette parties. It was so nice to have a hat with a penis head on it placed on my head. Let's not forget about the games to see how perverted a person is. Just who do you think would win at this? Sara? Or me?

Just how do you select a porn DVD? I mean, I've never rented and I don't even watch porn much. Trust me. I'm one of the few guys that can admit to not watching much porn but I do know some of the starletts thanks to reading about them. What I wanted to do was show Sara 1 that I remembered first seeing. This led me to Behind the Green Door. Weirdest shit I've ever seen that leads to a full-blown orgy with people of various sizes and looks. Beware of massive bushes that could use garden shears or a John Deer lawn mower.

The other porn was Jenna Loves Briana. Basically, that's Jenna Jameson and Briana Banks as the leading actresses going at it like you know how they do. Girls can be so randy with anal beads! The funny thing is that I only saw the Jenna Loves Briana for about a third since Sara decided to start the bonkfest. I was embarassed since I was clothed prior. Just what sort of idiot watches a porno with his sweetie while wearing clothes?

Apparently, that idiot is me. Good thing Sara can overlook my stupidity because we had a great time going at it in various positions as all sorts of moans went on. Gawd, I hate being a guy at this point because I'm at the usual 1 orgasm while Sara gets her 5-10. I'd love to have a cunt for a good hour to see if I can achieve over 20, pass out with memories, and the ability to pee standing up again once I awaken.

Didn't get to see much of Behind the Green Door. Just played around with the DVD's little chapter stops to refresh my memories in what I saw long ago. The ol' penis ejaculating in slow motion was still there, complete with a woman trying to catch it all in her mouth with her eyes closed. It's so funny how I remember seeing this image and thinking about how cool it is to be able to do this. I was so young and influenced by nuns to the point that I was pathetic.

I've never rented porn with a girlfriend before. It's just not something that ever came to mind. Kristan hated porn. Jen never really got into it. M loved it but was too stoned to remember. J was just an idiot in......oh, never mind. What's the point. It's just something fun to know what turns on the lover you are watching it with. Then again, I get a kick out of Duck Tales so a mixture of that with Deep Throat makes a great evening of romance.

I'm slowly getting into Six Feet Under. I've known this show thanks to having a dad that is madly addicted to watching. There is large stack of Six Feet Under episodes in my parents' room thanks to this and as a result, I come across my dad laughing at the sly humor placed within each episode. The reason I am getting into this HBO show is because of Sara having me watch a couple previously that had me wanting more.

It's a trade-off. Sara has me into Six Feet Under while she slowly gets into The Sopranos. Now, that is a show that I am totally utterly addicted to since I just love Tony, Paulie, Christopher, Meadow, Carmella, and so many of the characters. When a friend of mine borrowed the first season, he couldn't stop watching and saw all 13 episodes that night. Tony is da man but there is no way I would allow myself to put on that kind of weight.

As for who I like in Six Feet Under...tough to say just yet. After viewing a few more episodes, I'll tell all. Each seems to have a little quirk that gets to me. Haven't started Entourage yet.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07