-Wildcats (The cheerleaders' chant that you just have to give it up to.)

Oh, happy is me to find that the message boards and various critics like me were all up in arms over what I talked about yesterday, MTV's Super Sweet Sixteen show. If you need a recap, and I do sincerely hope you catch this delightful episode, it stars the most big fugly girls I've ever seen. Yo, her boobs go in opposite directions while she asserts herself in the worst way. Nipples are not on stun but deep fry.

This big fugly girl named "Sophia" was given a sweet sixteen birthday party that cost a grand total of $180,000. It's no joke. She wanted a Moulin Rouge theme to go with it while she told her mother to shut up as they shopped. I have never ever told my mother to shut her mouth. Maybe, playfully but never ever would my mother allow such words. That slapping sound would be when Mother's hand hits my lips. The sliding sound is when I slowly peel myself off the wall.

$180,000 for a 16-year-old. So, this is Bush's idea of America? Let's defend the good ol' U-S of A all to protect those his tax deductions really work for. Gotta love the rich CEOs because they just have to be able to afford their spoiled children. In a future episode, a dad hands over $100 bill after $100 bill.

I don't know what I did for my 16th birthday. All I can tell you is that I know I didn't get enough money to buy a small Island. Sure, I'd love to sun my buns in various countries but let's be logical. I'm not a conceited little twerp obsessed with greed.

Come to think of it, I remember when $100 was the biggest thing to me. Man, I was little when I first gathered the thought of actually wishing for it. You see, it was my dream to own the G.I.Joe battleship vehicle. At a grand total of $100, that was too much. I did get a hell of a lot of toys but that gigantic toy was the ultimate to land my planes on and make really cool sounds out of my mouth. Then again, I was young so sounds were cool that came out of my butt as well.

*Giggles*

I'm pretty much disgusted with MTV for showing this conceitment of the worst kind. It's one thing to give Paris Hilton all this exposure and call her an actress but a whole other thing to make us think that a 16-year-old should be given that much attention. Why should this matter to you? These kids, and it's not just the rich ones, think the world revolves around them. Teachers, like my mother, hated having to take lip from a kid that thinks he/she knows it all.

I've never heard my mother wishing for a fist fight but I'll provide the chairs to watch.

"We're lookin' for something to hold up Mom's hooters!"

Yeah, my mother just starts laughing at this. You see, she got me in the car to go grocery shopping with her since it's been a while. I tend to make things.......fun. The next thing you know I am ambushed because Mom wants to get new bras. Out comes those words when I got the idea of how she kind of ambushed me. Boys so do not need to be in a store with their mothers looking for over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders.

Speaking of clothes *ahem* I got some shirts that just might appease Sara. According to her, I need to wear more wife beaters and sleeveless that do not involve me CUTTING THEM UP ALL ALONG THE SIDES TO SHOW OFF MY CUTE LIL' TUMMY. Nope. Hanes had a sale of shirts that I can wear in public without Sara calling me "tacky." Let this be a lesson for boys. You do not have to take scissors to cut up your favorite t-shirts in order to join Nascar lovers as they shout out their favorite car numbers.

FYI: I hate Nascar but I had a roommate that would take scissors to all his t-shirts to the point that they looked like a poncho. Okay, I thought it was cool but I didn't take it as far as he did, though. I hate my nipples but I tend to show 'em anyway.

Okay, one last time. My birthday is September 6th. It's less than a month away and, yes, I am quite happy for this occasion because I will be back from Atlanta where I will have had a groovy time with Sara and her partners in crime.

I'm hardly a materialistic person but if you so wish to know what I would want in that category:

-A THX certified Dolby Digital receiver with HDMI connections with 7.1 surround sound. My 5.1 dinosaur could use a change since it's time to get with the high definition, baby. Duck Tales will be celebrated every hour on the hour with that fantastic theme song that brings tears to my eyes. Could we add Inspector Gadget, too?

-New workout gloves. Right now, my current ones look like Freddy Kreuger's from Nightmare On Elm Street. Shame on you for not seeing that fine flick since, yes, it had a young Johnny Depp go through a histoic death scene. That wacky Freddy sold himself out to no scares but I loved the Dream Warriors. C'mon, Dokken did a rockin' song to justify it all!

"We are the dream.......warriors!"

Now, this is where you make a fist and point it up to the sky. It's so sad how 80's metal is not so defiant as it once was. Judas Priest used to scare me so bad but now it's like skinny balding white dudes wearing black saran wrap as they point their belt buckles at unsuspecting 40 year old gals. When will old bands realize that they just don't have it anymore?

Quiet Riot? *Bawls*
Bon Jovi? *Acting......oh, the horror!*
Madonna? *Fell off the horse today. Don't get me started on Kaballah*
Warrant? *Looks like Jani ate too many cherri pies*
Winger? *Actually, they still look good but.......it's just not the same when you see a 40something start saying, "She's only 17!"*

Sound strange? Well, I was talking to Joe in the gym tonight and told him how I just loved Bon Jovi's "Living On A Prayer." Laugh all you want but that song was the shit while I was a little kid. You could add "Living In Sin," "Bad Medicine," and "Blaze Of Glory." Kids today don't realize how good we had it back then, music that actually mattered. Dumb in some ways but spoke to the little fit hamster spinning that wheel we'll call my heart.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07