-Jen (telling a girl using the treadmill about me when we went to the gym together-I never forgot these words because they made me laugh)

Goodness, what have I done to have such a great day in which I have been flirted with beyond description!?! A girl wearing a "I Love Nerds" t-shirt walked up near my car as I got in to leave the parking lot to tell me to have a great day. That Japanese girl that Slut-Watcher is obsessed over waved at me from across the gym's parking lot right as I left. Of course, there is more but it's all the same in which this town's sudden overrun of college girls seem to just look at me as if they want to pinch my lil' ass.

*That has happened before*

I don't know about you but being flirted with makes a person feel good in that they are wanted and that person is possibly dreaming about sucking on your toes. It's just weird how this has all come towards me in such a heavy way after spending much of last year in a bit of anger towards my ex-girlfriend, J.

Now, of course, I am not sulking but happy since Sara has me in such a dizzy state of adoration and fun. The conversations are impressive. The humor is there. A lot of differences but some similarities to keep us there are around. You don't think I'd miss an opportunity to give a shout out to the quite erotic sex that takes place in Sara's bed now did you? That seems to get even kinkier or more insanely orgasmic each time I find myself in Indiana.

Oh, how I miss my girlfriend but you already know that!

So, I sit here after a majorly awesome time spent in my gym with the likes of Joe, Slut-Watcher, Gay Nick, and even some new characters I've never mentioned here in my diary. All are great in helping me forget the evil of BB Nick and his arrogance at thinking 4% bodyfat equals greatness. You can look as good as you want but it's what's inside that really counts.

Of course, old football players love to talk so Joe and I would go at it about the various discussions, T.O. and his getting kicked out of the Eagles camp last week. I don't expect you to understand that but "men-speak" contains sports and stripper-talk. Only this time, I'm discussing sports due to my not having any desire to visit strip joints. They are lovely places, especially for first timers, but I'm just not into finding myself there more than once a year.

Joe and I compared old high school body weights. Me, coming in at a rough 164 pounds o' just gettin' it muscle. My jaw dropped at finding out Joe's weight. 320 pounds and I have no clue as to what his mama fed him but...........HOLY SHIT! Now, Joe may be a big guy at 6'4 but that is majorly huge considering that our center was just 260 tops. Where could someone put all that during high school?

You've gotta give Joe some major props. 320 pounds is now down to about 240 by really hitting the cardio in my gym. I've seen Joe drop several dress sizes. Oops, I mean........shirt sizes due to a humongous amount of sweat clinging to whatever the fuck he was wearing. After SPIN class, Joe looks like he pee'd his shorts during a heart attack because of the insane amount of riding that bike.

It's funny how I look at Joe and see how great he'd be for some Diarylanders since he's got that friendly appeal of wanting to talk to everyone. Sadly, he talks to BB Nick, the tighty-whitey wearing prick.

Know what's fun? Acting out scenes from A Christmas Story with a gay guy. Gay Nick and I mimicc'd the scene where Little Ralphie gets an "A+" from his teacher after telling all about how he wants a Red Ryder BB gun. Remember that?

It was me that would act like I was writing on the chalkboard while Gay Nick would pretend to give me an apple and I swear I am insane when I'm high from my workouts. Geez, not only am I acting out scenes from one of the most amazing movies around but last year you'll remember that I was dancing to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" playing in my head because Gay Nick started it from across the gym's nautilus section. Yes, I am that bad on a good day.

People have also started asking why I don't wear shoes when I work on my abs. It helps starting a good mystery and people to whisper about you. Plus, doing reverse sit-ups has everyone know what color underwear you are wearing.

I'm curious as to your opinion on this. Do you think President Bush should meet with Cindy Sheehan? In case you don't know who she is.........

Cindy lost her son in an ambush while serving in Iraq in April of 2004. She's already met with Bush once but she wants to meet again to ask what this war is all about. Another way to put Cindy is that she is the woman holding a small protest outside Crawford, Texas near Bush's ranch while he goes through.........ANOTHER vacation (almost 2 years has been spent on vacation). So, what do you think?

Have you ever seen 16 Candles, one of the most beautiful classics from the 80's that starred Molly Ringwald? Well, allow me to explain why I once hated my birthday........

*Ahem* My birthday is on September 6th. Yes, I am a virgo and am pretty close to the descriptions embedded me as such. I'll always associate Labor Day as my day since my birthday is always so close to that day, a day off from school. The thing is that no one remembered it. Seriously. While I was in private school, I was not once given a little birthday party from the nuns. No cake, no ice cream, just nothing.

A part of me felt lucky that I never had my birthday celebrated in private school. Those that had theirs on a day school was in session or even remembered were brought down to the cafeteria to eat cake, etc. with their classmates. Thanks to some moms' baking, we ate well and got to skip the usual bible nonsense those nuns installed into us like robots ("Girls that want to have sex with you are nothing but whores! Whores! Whores!"). As much as ya gotta love nuns for their insanse vocabulary at dissing their own sex, the worst fate was for the kid with a birthday.

You had to dance. I'm not joking on this that some of my classmates were ordered to dance in a cafeteria with 20 of their friends/classmates looking on. Talk about a nightmare! Watching a 7-10 year old dance is as awful as reading that Miss Piggy may or may not have eatin' Kermit. As much fun as it would be to eat cake with everyone, it was best to just keep my mouth shut so I didn't have to dance a jig like a radioactive squirrel with explosive diarrhea while people threw peanuts at me.

Don't get my started on how my belt split while on the playground and I came very close to being forced to moon everyone. There are so many stories of private school that you'd just have to wait for more. No dancing out of me but I'd feel a huge inspiration if Garbage came out at that time.

Fiona Apple's new album: October 4th. Long live the creativity of a woman scorned and just itching to tell y'all!

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07