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| New Rule: "Pat Robertson is insane. Just because he smiles and wears a nice suit doesn't mean he's any less of a whack job than all those wild-eyed, urine-stained nut bags who babble on street corners about Jesus through a bullhorn. And he's getting desperate, because after you've agreed that the purple Teletubby is gay, where do you go? It's like Madonna when she needs attention. She has to keep upping the ante. In a year or two, she'll have nothing to do but anal. And by then, no one will care. Except for Pat Robertson." -Bill Maher's "New Rules" Page 44 I'm hoping that y'all know about Pat Robertson talking about "taking out" the president of Venezuela. Oh, Pat's pretty steamed about this guy wanting to spread Islam but wait! Doesn't he want to spread Christianity to all that don't want to accept it? Pat Robertson really isn't much different than those fucks with bullhorns telling us we're living in sin thanks to having a lover laying next to us. They're just jealous and want to smell our fingers. So, Spain had a bull-run? Anyone else root for the bulls besides me? Well, Bulls got 63 fuckers and I say good for them! I'm so not for barbaric practices to animals so this whole thing has got to go. I'd also like to add that eating bulls' balls does not make you any better at being a man. What a great, great day! Now, you all know I'm not exactly into kids due to my own personal sightings of how bad parenting has gotten. Plus, I'm just not patient enough when I've got a huge love of dogs that make me all googly-eyed. To cool off after my workout, I decided to stop by the local independent bookstore. There in a nice cushioned chair was a father reading aloud to his little girl, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" I'm such a sap because I thought it was so cute. Of course, that book means well with me as well. Who didn't grow up with Dr. Seuss and those wacky characters about green eggs and ham or a fox in a box? Being so sentimental, I asked my mom is she ever read to me. The look on her face was one of, "How could you forget!?!" Looks like I got a lot of early reading done but just cannot remember the stories I was read. Nothing like having that childlike imagination where everything was so new, confusing, and you just had to ask a lot of questions. I sure as hell miss those days with Shel Silverstein, a guy that once lived in my hometown. FYI: If you cannot remember Shel, maybe "Where the Sidewalk Ends" will ring a bell with ya. I was obsessed with that book long ago. If I had to choose a book to read to a kid, I'd do my favorite children's story, "Riki-Tiki-Tavi." It's an old India tale of a mongoose protecting a little boy from a cobra that he knows will strike eventually. When the local library showed the story in a cartoon form, I was hooked because Riki-Tiki-Tavi, the mongoose, is such a lil' stinker all while being true in protecting the person he loves. I never liked much children's stories that other people were into. You'd be surprised that another one of my favorites is an old fable from Africa about a mosquito. You can still find it due to the popularity just like Shel's books and Dr. Seuss's. Like I said, I was far ahead of those kids in boring old tales to help kids learn to read. What I wanted was some spice and something to make me think. Editor: "Oh, and try to explain to everyone how you would giggle at pictures of naked statues's penises and boobies while looking at old World War 2 books." A great day can only get better when friends are around. I pretty much only see Old Nick on Sundays in the late mornings so it was a complete shock to know that the old man has a birthday near mine. September 4th is his so I'm now wondering why now that all these September babies are just becoming known to me? When I grew up, no one had a birthday near mine or in that month. Weird. A girl here on Diaryland shares my birthday just as "Hoar" has one right on the edge of this month. All of a sudden, September is the hottest time to celebrate birthdays so jump on in with us. Go to Denny's for a free meal and insist they sing for you! Old Nick and I shake hands to wish each other happy birthdays since I won't see him for almost 2 weeks due to my lil' adventure in Atlanta. I'm gonna miss him and how he calls me an "animal" after showing him the scratch marks that Sara does to me during sex sessions. That's not all! Joe brings his football-obsessed ass to see me as well! Like I've said before, this guy can make me laugh like the little monkey I'm secretly hiding within. Remember when I mentioned Joe telling me his old high school football weight of 320? Well, I got to see a picture from his old I.D. and I've gotta say that I don't know how they found a helmet big enough for that face. Very big boy. Joe's girlfriend is tiny so sex has got to be even more interesting. Plus, artists are far more creative when it comes to their boyfriends' penises. Editor: "Fo' sho'!" Can someone please tell me when Diddly is going to stop bringing up the death of Notorious B.I.G.'s death? Do we have to have another tribute at the MTV VMA's in which we take out a lighter for a guy that made only a few albums and was a piece of shit in his treatment of women? I didn't even watch much of this year's MTV Video Music Awards but I was bored and disgusted within the time I did. To end this, I've gotta say that 50 Cent's putting on a little too much muscle/fat. Wow. He can be his own bodyguard now continue in making black males even stupider. So, other than hangin' with my boys, Joe and Old Nick, I've been packing here and there. 3 days and some change to go! The main things are ready to go while little things like cameras are not in my hands just yet. With a massive scrapbook like mine, you just have to keep on adding to the pages of memories. Anyone wanting to send me pics, feel free to be added to my book. I'm already in need of another scrapbook. Of course, with excitement comes thoughts of sexual delights. I'm sure all the practice of getting out of my clothes is at a record pace but Sara already knows how to just rip 'em off. I'm not completely sure how long I will be gone, folks. My little dog, Buffy, is going to be so upset due to me being the one that brings out her lil' snippy personality. If you've ever seen an old Clint Eastwood movie with the orangutan or Anchorman's Ron Burgundy and his dog, you'll understand how it is with Buffy and I. Damn, it would be nice to have her be able to flick a person off the way Clyde did for Philo Beddo. "Right turn, Clyde." So, I bid you all a goodnight and hope to know that you're reading to your children as well. Even those unborn can get a little smarter with some of Kinky Freidman's wit or Bill Maher's insights on the world. While America's going down the tubes, at least try to smarten up the children since we're gonna have to deal with them eventually. Hope y'all in New Orleans have your swimming trunks on. G'night. 0 Got Balls? |
- - 2009-07-07 Love Facebook - 2009-05-07 Retards Away! - 2009-02-16 Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28 My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07 |