-The Hot Chick

If I had a nickel for everytime someone told me that I am a woman, I'd be a rich, rich boy. Seriously, I get this all the time in which I'd start talking about my shoe collection because it comes up when people in the group know about my Air Jordan obsession. Then, I'm just the cutest thing to talk to. Girls I hardly ever know start letting it all out with me around.

I'm seriously thinking that I may be the only male with nipples for a reason. You see, all babies start out as female but then things change. Males are born with these useless pink things on our chest but, hey, mine are sensitive. By the way, I hate my nipples so much because they seem too puffy for my taste.

While it is nice to be considered "one of the girls" as I too often find out about what is a nice schlong size or bitching about dinner being too fattening. At this point, I'm sure songs from Oliver play in my head. Want proof?

"I can pick a pocket or two."

I loved that song in the movie, Oliver, as we'd go around as the little munchkins we were. Okay, it's very obvious I am getting off topic here.

Although I am welcomed into the world of females, I, sometimes, finding myself getting all dreamy about what it would be like to assert myself as balls out as possible. You know the type, a construction crew worker whistling at women or yelling obscenities at homeless people. Let's face it. I cuss well but the words don't have any heart behind them.

It's kind of weird how I even pay attention to the guys I talk to in how they talk to me. Slut Watcher came up to me to talk about the next Dallas Cowboys game since he is obsessed with that team. I'll admit to laughing at how he watches, drunk by halftime. I'd probably have the female side of me take over by worrying if I'd miss America's Next Top Model.

Editor: "See, you're doing it again but embrace that inner female, bee-yotch!"

It's pathetic how I actually watch America's Next Top Model, that UPN show hosted by Tyra Banks. I'm not even that attracted to her but I've gotta let out this comment for the show. They picked some of the most ugly women. Good gawd, what has Tyra done!?! Cassandra, the beauty queen, is kind of cute but nothing near the caliber of model-quality.

My personal tastes in shows warrant more on the side of relationships or strong females. Witness me jump up and down next Wednesday as Veronica Mars's season starts. I swear that that cute little detective makes my heart pitter-patter as only a......oh, never mind.

I'm slowly weaning myself off The O.C.. Nice show but I've gotta stop getting into the teen stars' drama type of thing. As much as I am trying to broaden my horizons when it comes to TV watching, I was pretty much only into the adults on the show so I have an excuse. Sandy and Kirsten were just the thing if you like an alcoholic mother and a dad that is really a beach bum.

It's only when it comes to HBO that any sign of my testosterone arrives. I'm dying to see Rome and we all know how much I am addicted to The Sopranos. Just that theme song alone is a mulit-orgasm of weirdness. My imagination is of me in Tony Sopranos's place driving along New Jersey telling it like it is but I'd treat his wife with a lot more respect. Carmella is such a hottie.

On October 6th, I'll probably so into MTV's Making the Band 3 since I really got into the show where they try to make a girl group all while putting them up in a large building's floor. All that female bonding and bitching was interesting but I found myself angry at how Diddly demands so much out of the girls but doesn't see how pathetic he is or how he has such low demands for males working for him.

Look at it this way. Have you heard of Diddy's new rap group, Boyz In Da Hood? Well, look at their lyrics, hardly anything worthwhile along with the fact that these guys aren't forced to practice dancing in front of a mirror for 8 hours a night. That's what I hate is how Diddly is such an ass along with having to put himself in every music video standing there acting like he is such hot shit. My birthday wish should have been to get rid of Diddly.

I've been jealous of Slow-Poke's pictures that are up on her diary. So much to giggle at like the schoolgirl I am inside since we email back and forth over all types of subjects. I, definitely, look forward to putting up my pics from the trip along with many others of my life. I'm not shy but I don't want just anyone to see me since promises were not kept in the past. Gawd, I can't wait to lock this fucker up.

So, how are you, dear reader? Hopefully, you aren't one of those stuck on the routes out of Houston n' such. 3 hours to move 30 miles, according to an eyewitness. That damn hurricane's threat has me glad that my lil' Texans are too far north to be in her path but I still hope those that need to leave, are able to. See? I'm such a nice sweet lug o' testosterone mixed with estrogen. Feel my nipples.

- - 2009-07-07

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