So, how are you, dear reader? Good weekend? Dodging heavy rainfall while walking to the car after a weekend of drinking and getting felt up by strangers? Did you come home wasted and could have sworn that your cat gave you the finger while little purple people walked by to wave at you? Are your friends locked up all safe and sound thanks to you tipping them while they used the porta-potties? Oh, I miss those days!

Totally off subject but am I the only one that thinks Kenny Chesney looks like a 70-year old man when his hat comes off? Look at it this way. Kenny with hat on looks like 25-year old frat boy. Kenny without hat looks not much better than an old perverted man in the retirement home trying to 'rassle nurses nicknamed "Bee-shit Jones."

Well, I never thought that the Evil Empire would give forth to reality. It's kind of like that little thing the rich white kids in my town wonder about, whether crack ho's do exist. They do if their parents' constant protection weren't so obvious by providing more BMW's than I've ever seen. I saw my first crack ho way back when I was with Kristan because she came up to the truck asking for some paper while being completey fucked up on a hardcore drug. No one forgets their first crack ho.

Vibrators. That's what Wal-Mart is now selling along with lubricant and who knows what else. See? I told you that those nuns were getting tired of masturbating with little crosses or their fingers. Their jewelry was starting to smell "funny" and the priests were getting more turned on by the phermones being released into the air after each masturbation session. Wal-Mart wants each nun to have vibrating panties when under extreme duress of bowing down to the Republicans' telling everyone how great the world is and no global warming exists.

In all seriousness, it is funny to find out that Wal-Mart is selling sexual aides. We all know how evil this place is in dealing with things along with all the censorship that goes on. I'm not sure if vibrators are being sold directly in the store but they are online. Those first few years of ladies walking through the checkout with a rabbit or 2 have got to be of extreme nervousness. Forget the "extra absorbancy" tampons. People seeing you with a pocket rocket has got to be far crazier, especially if the clerk needs a pricecheck.

What of men? I've never heard of a guy using a sex toy but I'm sure they are out there since "pocket pussies" sell quite well. What you need to realize is that disabled or socially challenged men need to get off just as you do. You know the type. They're at every porn star signing that their mothers brought them to and they're drooling while in line. Trust me on this. I watched a documentary on the life of a porn star and saw how uncomfortable some men can make them feel. When some men see women naked on a TV screen, they feel that she is owned by them.

What I did get a giggle out of was an article (I laughed and laughed and laughed) on what some guys used as sexual relief. Now, these are regular guys, folks, that just happen to come up with the most insane of things ever since a little flick about teenage sexuality came out.

Jelly donuts. I'm not kidding. In the article, a guy described in great detail that sticking his dick into a warm one feels very close to being in a warm wet cunt. Oh, do you think Krispy Kreme should market this? Man, I don't know if anything can replace the feeling of having my cock inside a girl since it's pretty much the ultimate in regards to spasms of pleasure. Then again, that time I had chocolate syrup all over it felt wonderful as it was licked off.

American Pie starts a sexual revolution for me, huh? Lonely men everywhere start their mornings by heating up a jelly donut in the microwave and then proceed to give it the best fuck of their lives. I just cannot fathom what would go through a woman's mind when her husband is caught cheating with pastry. The explanation on the divorce proceedings has got to be the most creative.

It looks like I might be heading to Indiana soon. This should be good news for you, loyal and sweet readers that have waited so patiently for pictures that I would like to have put up. There are hundreds but I would like to show the convention, first, since it was quite recent and fun. I've also wanted Sara to see the pictures first as she has obvious priviledges due to her being the most fascinating girlfriend for 7 months.

All life has rules so things have to change. This diary will be locked for good due to pictures being put up. No more allowing voyeurs with nothing to say since I love it when people voice their opinions. It impresses me that there are so many women willing to talk intimately about sex without any care of what others think. My oral sex entry was quite a hit, no? I'm, certainly, not embarassed to admit my love of doing it.

No more of those that promised me pictures but lied to me will be able to read my diary. No more being googled under "Smell her ass" and other cute quotes for those stuck in their parents' basement wondering what it's like to have sex with a real live girl.

Just take a look at my notes. Those people are full of information and life so I will certainly allow them access to my diary if they so wish. Popularity means nothing to me as I've met a small group of people that are just as goofy and full of life as I am. They all know who they are so I love to share things with them. Boo to those that lied to me and don't for a minute think I take Diaryland seriously or am an elitist. If you were to meet me, you'd realize that I'm as nice as they come.

So, I'm glad that I will hold my promise of allowing pictures to be shown soon. I've bored you with telling you how much I miss Sara since this is my diary and my feelings are held true to the core. I just hope you like what I have to show if all goes well. Just give me a small amount of time and a locking will signal they're up. Goodbye to those that lied to me. Hello craziness of introducing you to the people I've talked about!

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07