-"Dirty Nursery Rhymes" by 2 Live Crew

I was proud of myself for never having come across what I did this morning at work. To start with, parking duties suck because I have to clear all the crap that people leave in ours. I've talked about the dirty diapers people just dump at a consistent rate of 1 per day, a b.b. gun ensemble, and various disgusting things that seem to find their way in kids' mouths.

Today. It had to be today that I saw what I was hoping I'd never ever see in life even if I don't mind reading about them here on Diaryland. I'm completely understanding that eventually I would but I was always proud that it took this long. This is the one thing that can make a guy cringe or come close to throwing up. No one likes to talk about them but they are a necessity in life........at least for women.

This morning, I had to pick up and toss not 1, not 2, but 3 used tampons. I'm not joking that they were in our parking lot around 6am. I'm sure my face had the look of "Are those what I think they are?" as I realized that I was required to pick them up to throw away.

Good gawd! Why 3 fucking tampons in our parking lot!?! What's even worse is that because of how many tampon commercials I have had to sit through, I recognized them.

"Hey, those are Pearl Glides!"

Okay, that's the kicker that will get many guys to look at me with complete shock even more so than that time I just blurted out while drunk that I love to go down on girls. There will be no high-five moment. No pat on my ass. Nope, this is a moment that shall stay in my head forever and ever.

What I'm trying to figure out is why 3 used tampons in our parking lot. My 3rd tour with this company and this is my first time ever coming across something like this. I'm guessing that a road trip of 3 girls having to stop in the middle of the night to change tampons brings about the most possibility. Putting my Veronica Mars thinking skills to the test and I'd say that there was a change because tampon wrappers were also nearby. Either this or the Easy Glide Fairy came by.

That's not all. Another dark card made its way to the fold. A used condom was right nearby as well. Same section so I wonder how this fits in. A car full of road trippin' gals with 1 male in tow rips a condom open and mounts 1 female in our parking lot after a possible dinner at Olive Garden. Someone got his "red wings" as they say in frat houses everywhere.

Boys, dinner at Olive Garden will get you anywhere! Well, at least in this bad neighborhood.

On further inspection, we have a really odd dark card that continues to elude me. A 9mm shell from a fired gun was in the middle of our parking lot. I've seen b.b.'s but this is a first at finding a bullet.

So, there you have it. My first day at work finds me dealing with 3 used tampons, a used condom, and a 9mm shell casing. Jeez, and I thought today was going to be boring. Thoughts continue to pop up as to what went down last night in our parking lot near Olive Garden. How was your day at work?

There is a rumor that George Bush has started drinking again. Do you think this means he's out with his daughters at the bars or there is some kind of super secret liquor store in the White House? Do ya think that George might actually care about all the damage he's done?

Oh, Crotch Rot? I laughed at how shocked she was to see me this morning. Nothing like the 2 of us continuing on in the hate department. Crotch Rot knows she can't touch me since Doug, my boss, loves me. I did my best to avoid looking at her black tooth while she sat across from me at break while one of the guys and I compared biceps.

- - 2009-07-07

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