-Mr And Mrs. Smith

Oh, it feels so good to not have to crawl out of bed at 5:35am to go to work at an ungrateful job. No shivering with super hard nipples as I try to find something much thicker due to my need to sleep in only shorts and a "t." My need to torture myself all because I enjoy the feeling of a cover over my bare skin is not always the greatest of things.

Again, if you haven't quite got caught up ever since I unlocked my diary, I've been working on what the Knights Of Nee wanted, a shrubbery. Oh, do brush up on your Monty Python but, yes, I have been outside in the cold pulling out the last of the giant weeds and a bush. Much blood was lost and scratches were tended to as 3 little dogs cheered me on.

You've heard of the old "Daddy's Little Helpers" when it comes to kids that insist on working with their fathers? Well, I've got a total of 5 Yorkshire Terriers that have the most uber of joy watching me sweat my little ass off outside all while pulling out roots of various things. My reward? Little Buffy sticks her snout out to insist I get a little lick from her, dirty Hedgehoggy and all.

Gotta love dogs and how they insist on being around me through thick and thin. Sweaty and stinky? Moi. Buffy, Ellie-Mae, Jethro, Bonnie, and Clyde all pile up on me to tell me how much I mean to them as I take down the bush that blocked much of their view of the backyard. Yorkies are THE neighborhood watch program.

That reminds me. What would I like to show you in future pictures once I get that digital camera? A lot.

-Why the back of this house looks like the Amityville Horror house with those 2 windows that look like eyes.

-My dogs, all 5 of the little shits that keep this house o' rockin with their need to air out their views of what people are wearing as they walk down the sidewalks.

-What I do at my job. I swear that I am the tampon wrangler and will show you what I come across in our parking lot.

-Think I can get a picture of Crotch Rot? I'm going to try by pretending to test out my camera.

-Wanna see my butt? Hoar does. If it's okay with Sara, I'll have her take a quick shot to show just how goofy I can be.

-Some life in Indiana? That bridge that connects a part of Sara's town with another is pretty nice to see. Maybe she'd be the one to show you.

-Gay Nick and Co.? It would be interesting to show you whom I talk about. I'm pretty sure Gay Nick loves his picture being taken since all gay guys seem to. Plus, we'll add Bald-O, Mark, Crystal, and various weirdos from my time. Yes, I am drunk with a beer helmet on a summer night in this 1 picture that I might show you.

My whole thing is that life's too short to worry about stupid details so I'm just welcoming those into my world that I allow. Now, I may sound kind of angry in my diary here and there but words placed on this type of thing don't truly show how a person feels. Think of Jack Nicholoson's Joker from Batman (1989). It's kind of close to that but without that permanent smile.

Who else feels weird about seeing what we used to watch in the past? Now, I was totally thinking about the movie, The Goonies, while at work. I'm pretty sure everyone that grew up in the 80's does when bored or going through a bad time since it did play an honest portrayal of how we kids saw things at the time.

Well, sitting here resting after working with shrubbery and wishing I was in Indiana, AMC decides to do its annual Monster Marathon. What do they pick? One of my faves, Friday the 13th and a few of its sequels. Of course, this means without all that nudity and excessive bloodiness. I just stuck with my imagination since I do remember some fine booty while watching them as a kid.

A few things I can't help but notice while watching some of the Friday the 13th films in their special DVD On TV format (Way cool! They added commentary from the filmmakers and crew as to what went down.). The 80's panties on women were U-G-L-Y. I'm not talking about the fact that they weren't thongs (I hate thongs.) but they were just too much in the MaidenForm variety (Yes, I looked at far too many Sears Catalogs as a kid. Shut up.). These panties were a bit too baggy and looked as if they were carrying a major load of something. Ugh.

The clothes from the early 80's? Bad, bad, bad. How could people were such ugly colors? Nothing had any pizzazz but looked as if everything came from The Dollar Store. Jason, in Friday the 13th, killed more out of fashion sense, bad fashion sense. Oh, how I loved it when he used the weed whacker on a thoughtless idiot that thought bolo ties were the latest rage.

I've told Sara this and since it's been playing in my mind, I'll tell it here as well.

Facts From Diaryland:

-Number of women offering me their worn panties:

3 and, yes, that is very sweet to do to a guy that shares his feelings on Diaryland when he was single. I'm sure y'all smell lovely down there as you keep it neat and tidy.

-Number of women telling me that they would kiss me:

At least 8 or 9. I'll never forget that one girl that wanted me to visit her in the Mormon State just to hang with her as she drove, kissing me at the stop lights.

-Number of women wanting to see my ass:

4 or 5. One sent me an email telling me that she wanted me to bend over. I'm not sure what she meant by "bend over" but what does come to mind is just what she wanted to do at that point. Fingers? Me?

-Number of women that want to spank me:

So far only 1. Hiss said I needed a good one for having such a filthy mind. I'm proud of it and not afraid to show just how much I love sex. Many spankings are needed!

-Number of people involved in porn that told me they love my diary:

Only 1 but it was a good email! 2 years ago, an internet porn place told me that they loved what I wrote here and praised my honesty. Ah, it's always good to know that I am appreciated for my desire to express my love of sex. I truly do care about female sexuality as well since I've taken a lot of classes on human sexuality all while learning from my first love, Kristan, and the girls that inhabited my life in some way. You'd have to thank Kristan more so if you enjoy reading my views.

-Number of women with obvious crushes on me:

A lot. I've gotten the feeling that many of you wish I could be yours. Many emails I receive are extremely flirtacious and interesting at how open you are to being interested in me, especially those that tell me what you'd do to me in bed. All of you are great and I enjoy flirting back and forth because it's healthy. Flirting makes you feel alive but......

-Number of women I feel for:

Just one, Sara. She and I have been together for 8 months as I'm sure some of you are not too happy with. I don't care because I enjoy being with her and this is my longest relationship that has me sexually and mentally thrilled. Sara and I seem to be very good together in that we make each other happy even if we argue on occasion. I sleep with her knowing I sleep more soundly than I ever have. I'm flirtacious but Sara knows I'd only go home with her. Yes, I do get hit on.............a lot.

Good grief! As soon as I unlocked my diary, my hits went high! Geez, if some of you wanted in so bad, why didn't you ask? My only action was to keep out a few assholes, not to close myself off to the world and people that enjoy me all while staying true to their word.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07