-He-Man And the Master's Of the Universe

Ya know, any person that can quote He-Man is a major props-to-ya-dude. I'm sure that wasting countless hours in front of the TV to watch an overly muscled guy kick the shit out of a guy that was basically a skeleton on 'roids as a learning experience for us kids. Yeah, there were countless numbers of us kids that didn't quite get the gay references but now we do.

If you're a really good male that just so happens to have memorized all the He-Man's dignified quotes, you'd (Most likely......uh..just.....me) change things around and talk of how you held up your penis one day and found it to have magical powers once you got old enough to achieve an erection. Hey, erections are an achievement not as well realized until we hit our 70's. Women will actually applaud if that were to happen since looking at balls hanging all the way down to our ankles tends to ruin the romance.

Yes, I used to quote He-Man like a mean mutha'. Some people do Saved By the Bell or Muppets. I do He-Man and G.I.Joe. And knowing is half the battle.........

So, want to get it on? My day? Came home after my workout to find that my little dog, Buffy, poop'd on my bed. The horror of my Playboy throw's rabbit having to have brown chunks all over it while she cowers in the corner. I've never seen a dog as sorry as Buffy was but all those sad looks sure as hell meant it. It took a while for her to be her frisky self again. I think this calls for a quote from Mama in the 80's orangutan movie, Every Which Way But Loose, to describe things:

"Always eatin' Oreo's and shittin' all over the place."

Of course, I had my good times in which I went up to that woman that called me a "woman" all because of my mention of that massive Air Jordan sneaker collection. Apparently, guys are not allowed to own such a large amount of shoes.

Well, I mentioned that today......*ahem*... I watched Oprah. Didn't quite get that? I WATCHED OPRAH, DAMMIT! *Hides head in hands* I know, it's awful to think that I watched one of the most annoying people on our planet that takes credit for a company's car giveaway but I did. I had to all because of a certain man I admire. Not Hugh Hefner, the creater of Playboy Magazine, but Michael Jordan.

Yes, I admire Michael Jordan for so many things. One of those is class, something severly lacking in the world as it seems Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton are more famous for their complete stupidity while they have nothing to add to the world. That's part of why I wear Air Jordan sneakers so much, to have clothing represented by a man that I admire even though my mom is more of a person I admire due to how she dealt with a wild kid like me.

So, go ahead. Laugh at my choice in people I like. I've taken many lunks over my supreme crush on Keira Knightley, actual reading of Playboy Magazine instead of just looking, and my love of Air Jordans. It's just that when I buy things, I want actual thought and dignity behind them rather than just as a style. You've got to feel what's behind those seams.

Editor: "Okay, yo, that is all cool n' shit but just what is up with you watching that Jessica Alba flick, Into the Blue? Hmmmmmmm.........could it be that swimsuit wedgies and scenes of her in panties raise awareness of the ocean? I'm just dying to know, dude."

We all have our vices so I'm not perfect. Cigars once or twice a year, occasional drinking, and Jessica Alba are mine. Firemen and cowboys mean nothing to me as they do to others but a woman with that face raises my eye's ability as I hope for a possible nipple sighting.

Bumper sticker I saw today: "Bush's Legacy-"Leave No Child A Dime.""

I've got to cut this short since I need to be up for work tomorrow. Crotch Rot was actually nice to me this morning when I raised the question as to what to do when catching a shoplifter. You see, I was highly aware of this guy as he ALWAYS comes in at 10am and leaves the store in such a rush after looking at Matchbox Cars. This must be a sought after market for meth addicts since he and a group of them look like they're into this.

According to Crotch Rot, I am not allowed to do anything to shoplifters. Damn, it would be fun to have the morning chasing a guy in our parking lot instead of tossing used condoms. I'd tackle and then roll around til the fucker screams. Okay, that sounded gay but I'd love to see what I'd do in such a situation in dealing with a shoplifter. Just how far will this body go? Can I still tackle? Will the guy fart and giggle to shock me as he runs away? Give me a badge, people.

- - 2009-07-07

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