First off, I want to start out by giving a major shout out to my lady from down under, Hiss. I came home from visiting Sara to find a package sitting on my side of the dinner table. Lo and behold, I was a little apprehensive but seeing that it was from Australia got me all giddy as a schoolgirl with her first dildo.

So, what does a good lil' Hedgehoggy get besides spankings and 10 lashes on his cute behind? How about a couple t-shirts all the way from Australia! My mom loves the one where a giant great white shark's mouth is wide open on the front with the caption: "Oh, shit!" underneath.

See? Diaryland can be a great thing! You meet and type back to interesting people that just so happen to enjoy what you write or bitch about. When will I find myself surrounded by kangaroos and wallabies? When I'm ready for that long plane ride next year. Thanks, Hiss.

And now back to our daily scheduled program of what happens to a strange boy and his baler.........

It was inevitable. Ugly asked Stinky out by passing him a note. I'm serious in that she wrote about how she'd like to get to know him and da, da, da. 32-year-old woman going back to the good old 3rd Grade note:

"Do you like me? Circle one.
Yes
No"

Things went bad. Stinky ignored Ugly's note after reading it by not even talking to her. The breakroom was a little tense as she hoped for a response. Nope, Stinky kept to himself by reading his science fiction book where not only was his mind in Mars but his dick up his nose.

2 things interesting:

1. For some reason, Ugly gave me the note to read. Fascinating. What Ugly did was have cards of herself made that look like badges. There was her picture in the righthand corner while her email, phone, and information was to the left. It was on the back of one of these cards that Ugly wrote to Stinky. It was pure luck that I got to witness her give Stinky the note and literally run off. I'm serious in that Ugly hauled ass back to her section of the store. How I kept from laughing, I will never know.

2. My boss and I think Stinky is a fool. First of all, if Stinky thinks he can find a nicer girl, he is sadly mistaken. How anyone can get past that awful smell that seems to accumulate as the night wears on is impossible. Here, Ugly knows what she has to work with and her standards are way lower than the hottest sorority girl, way low. I'm sure she'd faint if that late old geezer that once dated Anna Nicole Smith asked her out.

Now, my girlfriend, Sara, put her hat into the ring by mentioning something. Maybe Stinky and Ugly were not meant to be together due to some terrible force of nature. Offspring. Can you imagine the mose ugly child that smells so bad? Well, you'd get a good idea of why this very thought is not necessarily funny but an act against nature. Evolution was not kind and continues to evoke her wrath.

Yes, I am still in shock at how a 32-year-old woman ran down the aisle after handing a note. It's just that I will commend Ugly for having the guts to put herself out there like that. It takes a lot of guts to ask someone out even if this was in the most childish way possible. I would have at least made sounds like a fire truck as I ran off.

So, anyone know of a better story of someone getting asked out only to have it go terribly wrong or you looked into the face of danger and did it? Being chased is fun but being the chaser is much more difficult.

Oh, I'll get into more of what happened because the inevitable discussion on porn came into play. I must be the only person that has listened to the fine points of Jenna Jameson at work.

"You don't like big titties, Mike?"

I'm sure people listening in to my boss's discussion as to why he loves Jenna but I'm just not attracted to her only to find it drag on to boobies. Porn again? I'll be back on that.

- - 2009-07-07

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