Oh, those dreaded Holidays. I'm beginning to think that the fun disappears as you grow older. If you remember it like I did, it was all about the anticipation of Christmas, the gifts, etc. that Thanksgiving came and whispered into your ear. We kids had a little over a week off from private school so we'd spend that time watching cartoons that contained a secret Holiday message ("Buy our shit! Buy it, kids! Tell yo' mamma!")in which you'd find yourself in a toy store begging for something you really don't need.

Now? It's long lines of cars that have you waiting for some old geezer that left his/her blinker on while cruising at 20mph in a 45mph zone. Idiots walking out in front of your car while in the mall's parking lot as if they have no clue as to you being blocked from moving along. Having to pee really, really bad because it's cold. Being stuck in a line of cars but finding the nose picker next to you deeply fascinating because it's the only thing going on for those 7 minutes of waiting. Finding yourself in love with a Gap sweater even though you hate conformity as witnessed when your girlfriend wears man-killing boots.

Do I sound disgruntled? A wee bit, huh? I'm just dreading what comes after Thanksgiving since the whole battle for a parking spot at the mall when all I want is a t-shirt or to see someone is hell. Where the fuck do all these people come from!?!

Most of this comes from the fact that I work in the area that has so much traffic so I see it day in and day out. Sucks since white trash comes to us more due to our amazing location of being in a bad neighborhood. While we have the usual bullet shells in the parking lot, there is the occasional female drive-by of tossing out used tampons. I swear those things have more power than girls realize since I'm pretty sure I can get carjacked by a female weilding one.

Life! It's not for the faint of heart nor the too normal. I'm just lucky that I have a stuffed up nose so I can't smell everyone's ass stains. Go me.

I'm just enjoying my day off, today. Tomorrow is another one that will possibly find me well rested after those past 2 days of major chaos in which I completely pass out after work. Last night's entering my room found me out without a thought at around 4am.

So, people are loving my stories on my co-workers, Ugly and Stinky. You're right in that they do make much of work go by faster as people clueless on how to interact with the opposite sex are. Girls that have never touched a penis and guys that have never had a hand down "south of the border" make my day. Wonder what Stinky and Ugly's first attempts at sex will be like. You just know you'd love to film that since we are talking about a 32-year-old woman that passed a note to a smelly guy only to haul ass like an elephant with diarhea.

The update:

Ugly and Stinky are talking......slowly. While much of their time was spent avoiding each other, it's now at a point that it involves discussions over a video game, Playstation 2's "Kingdom Hearts." Ugly has been having a hard time so Stinky brought a help book. I even witnessed a small amount of jibber-jabber between the 2 after work. Could it be love at some point? Do you think Ugly will have hold the world's smelliest penis in her hands?

My boss and I just sit back and laugh at Ugly and Stinky. With work being an annoyance lately, it's no surprise that the two of us do need to take a break from singing old 80's theme songs. Just how many times do I need to say:

"As long as we've got each other,
We can take anything that comes our way!
Rain or shine,
all the time!"

It just feels so wrong as 2 clueless heterosexual white guys tying metal wires around a giant bale of cardboard start saying these words after a deep discussion over Natalie's loss of virginity to a guy named "Snake" on a very special Facts Of Life episode. How many besides me wanted Tootie to talk about the brothas with some real schlong?

What did I do on my day off? I read a little of the new Spin issue and thought about getting the photo book to Neil Gaiman's Mirror Mask. Doesn't that movie look so impressively imaginative? It's a possible pick-up tomorrow if my complete history of Friday the 13th movies book comes in as well.

Of course, I also visited the photography section and found myself quite pleased with Petter Hegre's "100 Naked Girls" book. Oh, this was a fun sexy set of photos since I love it when naked women actually smile. It bugs me when a woman pouts while standing there completely starkers. One should be happy when a person wants to see you in all your glory!

It's not that often that I find a book that is filled completely with naked women as a fun. Things like too many gyno shots kind of ruin it for me since I like a little mystery as, for me, the female body is just that. Nestled right between those legs is a beautiful little pink strawberry dying to be licked. I'm such a vagina man and proud.

Of course, I got the Petter Hegre's book to add to my massive book collection overtaking so many shelves in this house. The Holiday Season always has book after book that I wish to own like that Friday the 13th history of photos I mentioned above. I'm such a mix of sex and horror movies since this is the season to be jolly.

I know, I know. I promised an entry based on sexual matters as I will get into soon. Petter Hegre's book has me feeling a little inspired on a discussion as those things we don't dare speak to our mothers about. Plus, my boss said one of the most interesting sentences while at work last night:

"Women need sex all the time!"

Dare I ask if anyone out there has something to say about this? I was given the belief that is us guys that are dying for some of women's charms when it comes to our penises but I know better thanks to........uh...........experiences. Good gravy, am I warped to think of Ugly's possible deep discussion with her cat on what she wants to do with Stinky?

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07