-Adam's first words to Eve

The joke above is all I can think about in the hopes that Ugly and Stinky finally get down to some lovin' between the two of them. I mean, both have no clue as to how to have sex which is fun to know since their combined ages reach a rounded number of 59. I'm pretty sure Ugly has a little bit of an idea but Stinky, a guy grown up thanks to Japanese anime and video games, might have some problems. Penises just don't come with instructions as I must admit I had absolutely no clue when I first had sex. Seriously, I think we all look back at our first times and giggle a bit.

A nice day! Another relaxing day as I am doing my best to waking up before 12. Today's awakening began around 11 so I am gradually getting better even if tomorrow's bout at work is going to kick my ass. There is only so much you can take with flourescent lights as they can make you sweaty just from their piercing glances.

Lines have already begun for the new Xbox 360 on this 38 degree weather. Since the newscenter did a segment on this, it was funny to see just what kind of guy waits in line til 10am to obtain one. The answer:

A very lonely one. I mean, I do enjoy video games n' all that jazz but to forgoe life's other pleasures like movies, sex, and sleep is a bit insane. The price of an Xbox 360 is $400. Yes, there is a $300 one but that one is just shit since the old games don't play on this new suped up one. Trust me. I know this system since I studied whether I would want one.

Nope. Nada. Blech! The high definition drive is a complete gamble for Microsoft and will have to be majorly updated next year. Sony and its Playstation 3 is going to kick its ass. Now, that system is worth a good run late into the night.

By the way, I am more of an old school gamer. You'll find me whittling away to Castlevania, Megaman, or even old Atari games. I'm just not enthusiastic about games in which we look like we are in control of real live people. I get all freaked out. It's kind of like how I like my Flinstone cartoons. Cartoons. Not real actors/actresses playing Fred and Barney even if John Goodman does look like Fred.

I'll have to ask my boss, Doug, if anyone lined up at our store for the Xbox 360. Some stores are only getting around 12-15 systems so it's gonna be quite a doozy as they open up. Target's is at 8am. Some guys have lost touch with reality since no woman is allowed to touch their joysticks.

Well, my mess continues to alood me. I swear that I thought I'd have all the comics bagged and boarded up once I get another set of 100 bags to keep them mint. Nope. I need 1 more of each, bags and boards. Fuck. I'm handing out $5 bills like they just pop outta my ass. Since I cannot function around messes, this is a must as I really, really want to have the storage room cleaned up for my mom.

My little dog, Buffy, has a crush on the next door neighbors' dog. With that sweet hunk o' hairy tail, no one could blame her urge to be mounted and howl like a she-beast in lust. At least, that's what Buffy told me. Dogs need to get laid, too.

There's really not much to report since I was off from work today and the gym wasn't rockin' like it normally does. One of the bodybuilders brought pictures of his latest event placing. I'll admit that it does kind of freak me out that these guys work their asses off to get into little speedo-like bikinis all to show off their bodies while I just want to release stress and gain confidence in myself. Did you know these bodybuilders have someone shave them completely? One guy I know had to have his mom do his ass hair.

My sex drive has been wonky. Yesterday, I lightly mentioned this and how I started off not even wanting to think of the actual subject until I caught sight of that book, "100 Naked Girls," by the photographer, Petter Hegre. The pictures were breathtakingly erotic what with the lighting and the girls themselves. Next, it was when I popped in the Suicide Girls's Tour DVD that I couldn't get enough of these little vixens and their burlesque show. To give you an idea:

-The Suicide Girl, Stormy, strips down to just a thong, chugs a beer, and then spits it into an audience member's mouth. Total control. If you think the girls are being exploited, you have to meet little Stormy.

-One Suicide Girl comes out with 2 others that are only allowed to wear little schoolgirl outfits while chains are around their necks and orders are given as they walk on all fours. Sexy? I cannot deny.

-Little segments in which each Suicide Girl is given a few minutes to strip for the camera along with an interview. Stormy is definitely my fave as her tiny frame, small breasts, and total fearlessness is addictive.

It's funny how I'm sure there are conservatives out there that have problems with women stripping but in all my experiences (very little but that bachelor party.......wow!) and watching from afar, it's the women in complete control. I'm not joking. It's the men that are exploited and forced to leave with a much more empty wallet.

For me, it was quite an event to be dragged up on stage, stripped down to my Calvins, my face was sat on by the most gorgeous stripper as I did my best to keep my tongue in my mouth as her labia piercing tickled my nose, had my cock teased by her hand, and then said stripper sat on my lap to tell me I have a "great body." By the way, I didn't pay a dime.

Women just have this amazing power over men more so than they realize. Heavy drooling, boners forced downward to help conceal their identity, and men enjoying a stripper pouring champagne down their ass cracks are just part of what comes to their charms.

The point is that my sex drive is just so down, then up, and down again. It's not like it used to be where the whole thought was stuck in my mind 24 hours a day. When I lost my virginity to Kristan, we did it 12 times a day for 2 weeks straight. No joke as I'm sure saw dust shot out due to some major exhaustion. At this point, I am in no way of going that many times since 1-3 is satisfying. What happened to me?

For all those stuck in the 80's, I forgot to mention that the Hot Topic store has the 80's kids' show, Double Dare, t-shirts. Good gravy, good times as we witnessed kids try to grab flags on the old obstacle course after answering questions for points. The host, Marc Summers, was way ahead of his time as I'm sure mac n' cheese was heaped up in front of the TV.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

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