Well, I am just doing a quick warning on a possibly major new cast member that I work with. People enjoy Stinky, Ugly, Doug, and my other co-workers that bring about an otherwise dull night at work as something to shout about. Everyone has a personality or in Stinky's case, an odor that leaves you dry heaving and looking for an exit.

The new cast member is Dirty Sanchez and, yes, he is a squat little Mexican that enjoys bragging about his possibly outstanding oral sex skills. This guy even has me blushing what with all he has to say with the raunchiest of vocabulary. The good thing is that he's gonna help me learn all the dirty words in Spanish. Always and I repeat this to all. Increase your vocabulary since you never know when you'll find yourself cussing off someone that desperately needs it.

And now a word from our sponsor:

Stress: "Wanting to strangle the living shit out of some asshole that desperately deserves it."

So, you want to know just what is going on in HedgehoggyLand? Well, I'll just blurt it on out, folks.

Everyone wants me single. I'm serious in saying that everyone I know wants me to not see Sara. Now, this is not out of hatred for her but more along the lines of them wanting me to fuck anything that moves. I'm just not interested. Period. Isn't this how disease is spread?

Yeah, we can all start with my friend, Joe. Remember him? He's the ex-football player from Texas that dumped his girlfriend when she kept insisting that after 4 years together marriage was a must. I'm sure there was more to it than just that but you get the idea. Of course, Joe is also the guy that keeps trying to talk me into dating a girl I met in the gym that works at a bookstore all while not telling Sara.

There are others along these lines but the next major player that wishes me single is Doug, my boss. As fun as he is to talk to in making the 8 hours of work go by fast (and who doesn't enjoy talking about anal sex while working?), he has been insisting I ask out R. Don't remember her? She's my co-worker that I had the greatest of times with on Black Friday and any time we're put to work together. Yes, it's so fucking obvious that R and I have crushes on each other as we've known each other for 2 years now.

Doug's whole reason as to why I should move on from Sara came completely out of the blue last week. It really weirded me out in which he just walked down the storeroom's aisle to tell me this. I'm guessing that Doug, like others, find it so amusing how R and I bounce off each other while we're placed together.

I, seriously, hate it when people tell me how to live my life. A boss telling me how stupid I am to stay loyal to a girl that lives a little under 1.5 hours away? Just lay on with the comments since Doug, quite descriptive in this, tells me that I need to get laid everyday or night and that is only possible with R.

We all have crushes even if we're in relationships. It's perfectly normal as being flirtacious makes you feel alive. How? You're wanted and that's a hell of a lot better than being ordered to skedaddle outta someone's life. Do I like R? Sure, but I'm as loyal as they come. You're talkin' to someone that walks out of the women's bathroom while a co-worker really had to go or has been flirted with majorly by various girls in bookstores.

Editor: "What is it with you and bookstores, man!?! Nerd? Dweeb? Stay-at-home-loser? You should be in the bars sippin' on some bub."

I don't know how to put it but I just like Sara. As for where we are going in all this, I don't know but it's fine. Sara and I argue here and there but we've been pretty logical about these incidents to the point that we work them out. She's just so different than any girl I've dated or slept with.

Advice: Cheerleaders are very odd in bed. Permanent smiles are just too freaky for me.

- - 2009-07-07

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