Stop me if you've heard this one. A guy obsessed with porn, a filthy Mexican, a black girl with a hairstyle that is just like Tootie of The Facts Of Life, a smelly guy that doesn't like to shower, a very ugly girl obsessed with the stinky person, and an obviously gay Mexican all walk into a bar.............

Guess what!?! I work with all of these people and more. My working session is a very large melting pot of not just these individuals but a few more that appear every now and then. Take Dirty Sanchez, my little filthy Mexican. He's only around Mondays and Thursdays but I'll be catching up with him due to his desire to show his obscene tongue wiggle. Viva la freaka.

I don't know what to tell ya but I am dreading work more and more. My boss needs me due to my ability to be efficient and thorough. Something that is not exactly like the other workers since today had me working with Ugly.

Just how do you help a woman obsessed with someone that does not believe in bathing? It's catchy. On one hand you want to tell her that she needs to set her sights a little higher. On the other, she has no choice. What I loved was her answer after I asked her if she knew how to kiss.

"That's gonna be a problem."

Good gravy, a girl that's never been kissed!?! I had Ugly laughing her ass off when I told her to corner Stinky and just lay a big sloppy one on him. Either that or lick him like her cat does to it's ass. Apparently, Ugly loved my impressions of a person being licked heavily.

It's very difficult for Ugly in her obsession with Stinky. For one thing, he has a lack of social skills along with not knowing what to do with a woman. Seriously. Just where does a guy begin in courting a young lady, anyway?

Ugly has been dwelling on the possibilty of showing her tits. Yup, a good ol' flash and it's helllllllllllloooooo twins of the rather large variety as they make their exit. This possibility has come up due to Stinky's constant habit of reading book after book in the breakroom while Ugly tries to get his attention. Never mess with a woman of extreme desperation or your gonna make her break glass and let the flapjacks out.

I'm learning more and more about Ugly due to my having to work directly with her. It was me on the ladder as she hands me various toys. We were really behind tonight so a mode of desperation was a must. Of course, I bring out my own sort of guns by singing Tears For Fears's "Shout" as that's one of the few Ugly knows. Tonight, she told me of how she's never seen cable along with anything of the MTV variety. The reason? Stict stepdad.

Am I the only one that thinks that if Stinky and Ugly attempt to mate there will be major fumbles and pratfalls. First, there is going to be some of the most fucked up kissing. Then, we have confused heavy petting and, hopefully, will result in Stinky's boner getting stroked. Will Ugly attempt a blowjob or will she instead bring out the oven mits due to last minute confusion?

Either way, I'm sure we'd all like to see Ugly and Stinky's first attempts at sex in glorious surround sound all on high definition TV!

So, with all that horror in mind, I'm off to sleep. A kiss to Sara if she's reading this since I'll be on my way soon. I'm glad I know what I'm doing in bed. Aren't you or are you still hiding behind the bed due to nudity being too sudden for you? G'night, g'morning, and g'afternoon.

- - 2009-07-07

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