-Repo Man

Holy shit! That above quote is so what I am feeling today. I'm not normally a person you can rattle easily but today was definitely one where I am swinging. I mean, really swinging from the tree in which many giant polar bears are trying to get lil' ol' me down with their massive amount of strength. Apparently, I am low in fat yet big enough fit for a meal.

To put it bluntly, I saw my ex-girlfriend. I cannot believe I looked behind the chair I was sitting in just suddenly because I felt I needed to. Well, I didn't notice my ex right away since she walked right up to me with a big smile.

"I noticed you. You didn't notice me."

It's true and I'll admit to wanting to apologize yet this is........my ex, J, someone that was an interesting girlfriend but also selfish and inconsiderate. Again, I was completely rattled and not knowing quite what to say.

How can I describe the feeling of coming across an ex? You just can't while your eyes are rolling all around in their sockets trying to figure out how to deal with someone catching you at a bad moment. Of course, the general polite conversation comes into play.

"You!"

Okay, I wasn't so polite in saying those exact words. J stood right next to me to talk but she didn't say much as I had to do the talking. She wasn't a very smart girl as I had to deal with someone without thoughts of life or politics. Fun to her was things based on trivial aspects.

Oh, did I mention J was with her mother? Man, I will never forget this woman that I thought was a guy at first. Squat and small with glasses and a boyish haircut. It was just pure luck that I didn't ask what "his" name was when walking into J's house that night when I was told the mother wanted to meet me.

Remember all that, folks? J's mom's first words to me where (and I swear on this): "Do you eat pussy?" I didn't even have to answer as J came out to say, "Yes!" J's mom decided I was a keeper while I debated oral sex techniques once settled down. My best friend, Bald-O, loves this story because, well, how do you describe a frat house that is basically something consisting of only women and you have a guy that loves to perform cunnilingus?

It's weird because I had a dream of running into J at that exact Barnes & Noble but just wasn't ready for this. Your point of running into an ex is one where you can present yourself as being better off without him/her. Oh, I am so much happier without J but I wasn't in my best clothes as I looked like a thug, Air Jordan jacket and a black Orange County Choppers long sleeved shirt. I so wish I was wearing my long Ralph Lauren coat.

The inevitable bragging of doing without comes up. I asked if J had a boyfriend or girlfriend since she was bi-sexual. I'm not surprised she was seeing someone. Plus, there was that heart necklace around her neck. Of course, I told her that I've been with Sara for almost a year. That did it!

There was a little bit of fire in J's eyes as we looked each other over. How I love this dance since J's happiness to see me was over. I was taken and no jealousy was shown by me. Why would I? I'm happier without as J was surprised to nab me.

Oh, the drama! Remember how J was so fucking nervous about me since I look like a jock? I laugh at how she was worried that I would make fun of her but I don't get why? J was pretty and all that but I've never shown an ounce of being vicious (unless provoked so remember that as one to grow on since knowing is half the battle). I mean, I'm big but when I spoke to her before class, it was my usual goofiness.

It's obvious that I am still a little rattled. Part of it was my dream that I would run into her at some point. The other is that it's obvious she looks great while I got the best of her by mentioning Sara. The temptation of going up to J's mom and telling her that I've been eatin' some fine pussy was so there but I held out. That woman was deadly with power tools and I didn't know what she just might be packing.

Obviously, my day was filled with drama that made me want to just type up my frustrations over the hype of Brokeback Mountain since everyone seems to want to talk about gay cowboys and how nobody knows about them. If there are gay guys that play football, there are going to be some guys out there that wear giant belt buckles wanting to fuck another guy beyond yonder possibly after suppertime, ya dig? Hype is such a scary thing since only this time it involves Jake and Heath screwing the hell out of each other against a wall.

Even my dad is into this Brokeback Mountain hype as he, and remember that this is a very masculine guy, watched Oprah's Brokeback Mountain special today. This amused me so I watched a little. Yup, we got to see scenes where Jake's having a major smooch fest with Heath on the stairs. I knew they were gonna reveal some of the story's inner dealings as well. That damn Oprah ruins everything but might have those women that sit around eating bon-bons and shitting all over the house out for a looksee of Jak's buns. I heard Heath gets a poundin'.

My world is weird and needs to be summed up. Running into ex-girlfriends is bad and this hype that Sammy so clearly put over Brokeback Mountain is ridiculous. It's as if we just discovered that there are gay people out there and that all are as good looking as Jake and Heath. Just so you know, Gay Nick thinks both are ugly but he wouldn't mind seeing their penises.

Go Gay Nick, my tall friend that used the elliptical machine in my gym wearing just socks.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07