Mom: "How come you're dressing so much nicer?"

Me: "Well, I found my clothes."

Mom: "Where were they?"

Me: "In the closet BUT that's not the point."

*Mom goes into uncontrollable laughter*

Actually, it is true that I have been dressing much nicer. No more of the usual oversized sweatshirts or shirts worn 3 or 4 days in a row but lots of variety. Tonight, I've got a maroon colored henley that, even at X-Large, is a little tight. Yes, there are days I wish I didn't have this type of chest.

I love knowing what women think. Seriously, it's a passion to read girls' diaries to know why they do things and to help in my own understanding as to why I find so many women to overanalyze everything. There are times where a whole entry is devoted to how a guy orders or drinks a beer that for some insane reason could mean he doesn't like her.

"Esquire" can be a fun read when getting some real insight on the female mind. Yes, it's a male magazine that sometimes contains half-naked women but the answers obtained from women on questions are quite attention getting. This month's was on what do women like to see on men when it comes to clothes. 2 questions had answers I've been wondering for ages.

1. What type of clothing gets you into a man?

Answer: A nice t-shirt (that means no holes, guys) and well-worn jeans. I like that since the old myth was that women go crazy for guys that wear a tux or suit. Not in this case as I'm guessing that the cut has to accentuate a man's ass since I don't know of any woman that insists on really baggy drawers. Rappers, take note.

2. What should a man wear to bed?

Answer: The top answer was just boxers. I'm totally fine with that but I don't like boxers. Funny how Sara asked me why and it's really simple. I just don't like my stuff flying all over the place but snug as a bug. "Free-ballin'" just aint me.

The second answer was nothing at all. Now, that is my kind of woman. Here we have an answer to the major dilemma both sexes must deal with when sleeping with each other: morning wood. Horrible, I tell ya! You don't want something mashing up man's most sensitive organ because, yes, fabric can be a pain. Plus, the soft warmth of a woman's skin right next to all that throbbing is so soothing. Spooning in the morning is nice, no?

Ah, but Esquire ran into issues with me on their beliefs as to how a man should dress. In no way will my wardrobe consist of lots of cardigans while my sports jerseys will be thrown out. That is a huge no-no as I absolutely love my football jerseys til the end of time. Not only are they highly comfortable and look good for us guys with large shoulders but also on our girlfriends when they wear them with nothing at all. Why is it so sexy to watch to me to watch my girlfriend wear my clothes after sex?

Esquire can be such a fun read every now and then when not selling itself out. I used to have a passion for fashion thanks to the old "nipple-watch" segments on CNN Style or VH1's Fashion Television. There was no way a show could get away with showing Helena Christiansen walking down a runway with a see-through shirt unless it was in the name of fashion. Thank you, Chanel, as I also know your name while being able to pronounce Versace as well.

It's just when a magazine or place becomes like Oprah, telling us what to wear, do, think, or read. I'm not an Oprah-bot on the couch eating bon-bons and shitting all over the place. Dammit, I still want to be me as all types of style matter. Yes, I love goth girls, have a fetish for ponytails, hate thongs on girls unless they have the ass for it, love cargos, and think that a woman coming toward me wearing nothing but a tank top while holding 2 Coronas is a wet dream. I'm so easy.

I've been reading a lot of entries on women and their relationships or lack of. Has it come to the point that more people are single than ever? Most of my friends in the gym are just that as Kim has gone through a divorce and Bald-O still wants to put a finger up a girl's butt all because he's curious after not having had sex for over 5 years. Hardly anyone can call someone their own.

Why does it work between Sara and I? Haven't a clue since I don't like to overanalyze things anymore. Through with that but I do have little things I notice.

1. Both of us like to be alone. I'm not clingy and neither is Sara. When we got our Harry Potter books, we pretty much read seperately here and there. Sara'd be in the living room while I was in her bed. Although I enjoy sleeping next to her, it's that there are times throughout the day I'd rather be by myself staring up at the ceiling and dreaming. I tend to do that a lot since our fast paced world has made it seem stupid.

2. We think. Topic, oh, there's constantly a lot of that to talk about. Just look at the news! Britney and her need to teach the kid to drive at an early age. Let's debate! Should kids start getting licenses at the age of 2? Although, I'm quiet most of the time, I'm always up for a good discussion on life or how I've screwed up. That woman that told one of the geeks in Beauty And the Geek to not bring up politics was insane but with good reason for herself since she knew nothing. Those that can are worth your attention.

3. We fight. Oh, yes, we do this on occasion. The good thing is that Sara and I are logical in willing to admit wrong. I'm not the type to continue an argument over a situation that I was clearly wrong in. Misunderstandings are a pain in the ass, though, but the whole point is to recognize your faults and admit them. Don't keep fighting while not thinking or using things as leverage to win the argument.

4. Sara and I are different. Again, I'm the jockish goofball with a massive collection of movies while she's the artist that owns a small amount of movies that matter to her. Sara's up all night. I pretty much pass out shortly after midnight unless I've had a nap. I can appear snobbish when not in my enivironment while she talks to anyone. She's getting coffee at the bookstore while I wonder into the graphic novels or magazine stand (not a day goes by hoping for another article on Keira Knightley...). Sometimes, we go into the sexuality section and debate as to whether men are multi-orgasmic while people around us look weirded out due to our salty language.

There's more but why would I need to tell you? You, dear reader, have probably figured it all out yourself thanks to reading so many entries as well as Sara's thoughts. One person sent me one of the nicest emails ever that told how lucky Sara was to have someone so open-minded and fun to be around. Does this mean I'm great because I can handle chick-flicks and cuddling? My masculinity is not all lost for I can flick a butterfly knife quite easily.

One of my friends told me how good I have it. Nicole is a lesbian that has a girlfriend that lives 5 hours away. Wow! I couldn't imagine how that would work but okay. Suddenly the 1 hour and 19 minutes to Sara's doesn't seem so bad, huh? I just wonder if her time at work til she gets off to see me laying on the couch with the latest DVD drives her as nuts as how much I can't wait to see her. That last 2 were The Brothers Grimm (so-so) and The Island (a little better but I don't understand why critics gave it such a beating).

The greeting? Sara tosses her coat off after asking what movie it is that I am watching and pounces on top of me to kiss. Sometimes, my hands wander down to her cold butt to warm those buns up while curious as to what color panties she's wearing.

There is one thing I've noticed as to a change in me. When I became a boyfriend, I started feeling my workouts not staying all about me but also Sara. I want to look good for her as she sees me naked a lot. No belly hanging over or love handles, just pure muscle for her to play with in the shower and in bed. Yes, it is strange to have a larger chest than a girlfriend. Just how bad do you want to know what goes on in the shower?

- - 2009-07-07

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