-Gladiator

Announcer: "And now here is Hedgehoggy with today's exciting weather report!"

Thank you, thank you, and let me give a sweet shout out to my homies in cell block 5 for keeping it real. I know all of y'all are hoping for some new hot ass to visit. Dick Cheney: The other white meat. Alas, there will be no charges as the white gangsta will continue making America suck even more.

Oh, weather? Damn, it's so cold, my balls have now made their way up my butt. At last count, -3 degrees so don't yell at me when you pee in the alley only to hear ice cubes instead of that lovely stream of urine we all enjoy. That goes for all you gals out there poppin' a squat in the alleys since we all know the mice would love an ice skating rink.

If you've ever wondered what hell is like, I strongly think that this is it. When I heard the news on this, I was hoping it not to be true and even dismissed all thoughts of it happening. Alas, I have seen the DVD's trailer and have come to the conclusion that thou shall not lock me in a room and force me to watch this!

Kid Rock and Scott Stapp of Creed have a porn tape. I'm not joking and, yes, I have seen that trailer as to what is on it. You'll see Scott sitting back in a chair while a stripper giveth a blowjob. Kid Rock is standing there in his usual attire for services rendered, a wife beater and that awful ugly face of his. I liked Bawatiba but not with the lights on, please.

I don't know about you but Scott Stapp of Creed is just one of those people that completely grosses me out due to ego. Have you ever read a nice review of him because it's all about his alcohol abuse or his thinking that you must bow down before him. There was some rock festival where Scott wouldn't come out to meet his fans while everyone else did. I'm so happy that he has lost a lot of his star's luster.

Kid Rock? Where do you begin with this guy? Loved "Bawtiba" and a few others but the first time I saw that face.....it's like a permanent look found on a rare skinny faced down syndrome child. Oh, it's gotten worse with age but still.............why would any woman want to suck the dick of this guy?

The setting? As far as I could tell from the tape's trailer, it was on a tour bus. Kid Rock stands there while entertaining various strippers until the point where he gets a blowjob. Scott? Seated and doing commentary as the person films. Man, would I like to kick the ass of the person releasing this tape but hopefully it'll show Scott for who he is, a complete asshole undeserving of anything. Wasn't he super religious or something?

For the commentary on Scott Stapp......I'm hoping Sammy pipes up on this. I need a real music freak to voice where I cannot.

Where do you take a groupie? I guess the tour bus is good since she's gotta blow the driver and the stage set-up guy to get to the artist. Hotels are for hookers while actual homes are for the wives/girlfriends. Oh, how I loved how Motley Crue explained their method of ridding the smell of pussy all over their dicks before coming home to their girlfriends:

Go to Taco Bell. Buy lots of soft tacos. Insert dicks for a good minute or so. Withdraw and hope the smell is gone so you can expect another blowjob.

Man, I don't know if I could handle fucking the world's women on tour. Diseases, AIDS, and more STD's than I can count are all over. Hell, Eazy E had AIDS for a long time til he died while not knowing about it. Who's next? Magic Johnson doesn't exactly count since he has enough money to keep the disease in check but you better believe that his wife, Cookie, aint swallowing.

Do you feel sorry for people that fuck 1,000's of people but then say they can't believe they got AIDS? When Magic got it and announced it, it was said the millions of people were crying. I did not. My whole thought at the time was:

"How can you be that fucking dumb by not using a condom?"

Then again, I'm not walking around with thousands of women dying for my semen and, yes, some have done crazy things with it. It's when it comes to groupies that I've read about girls stealing the used condoms to impregnate themselves or sell. It's a weird world we live in and I'd rather have someone act out a scene from Heathers than smile while a faceful of jizz drips down her face. Of course, my sex drive has gone down so who knows how I'd be back then.

Little girls can be cute. I know how I talk of how much I don't want kids but I made a lot of funny faces at this 1 with her older sister and parents while in Sam's Club. It was weird how the family was everywhere I was with mine so why not? Insert funny face and giggles come out. Most of the time, it's the wide eyed thing I do even to Sara.

I wish someone would provide people with a manual as to how to apply cologne or perfume. My brother reeks of it when out in the night hoping to get laid. Yes, at -3 degrees, nothing stops a boy that is desperate for sex. A man not having been laid for weeks will clear his desk/schedule/or even bathe to get some female company but I just wish he knew how to apply a scent. Then again, my little dog, Buffy, smelled like poop tonight but was okay with it. To each his/her own.

- - 2009-07-07

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