Floyd: "YES! GOD, I CAN'T WAIT TO QUIT THIS JOB!"

-Waiting

Okay, first of all, I don't necessarily give shout outs to sports events but I'll make an exception because this got to me. A high school basketball player scored 20 points in 3 minutes. No big deal, you say? Well, the kid was autistic, and yes, unpopular in school due to his handicap. Yet, here we get to allow this boy to have a day he'll never forget where shot after shot went in. I don't know why that got to me but it did.

We are in serious trouble and it makes me so mad at the people that voted this doofus of a president. Our nation's ports are already problematic in the fact that only 5% of the containers coming in get checked. Now, we've got Bush wanting to allow 6 of our ports to be controlled by an Arab company. Somebody has lost his fucking mind.

I'm scared. I am seriously fucking scared because something really bad happening can fuck the U.S. up majorly. California's port, alone, has a 200 billion dollar economy. Think about what would happen if something bad comes in. A few ports are nearby oil refineries. Add all that up and you'll get jobs lost, the economy in complete shit all of a sudden, store shelves empty, necessities being fought over, and a president that would tell us that he didn't know.

You just cannot get through to a Bush voter. No matter how much logic you present to him/her, they will tell you that he is doing one "heckuva job." They've already started on making abortion illegal, ya know? There is a debate over partial term abortion with no regard toward the mother. Just the beginning, folks.

How much more can we take? Our ports will be sold out to an Arab company, FEMA was looted by Bush's own interests (source: "Rolling Stone"), he's just recently sent people to shut down a few sites that dis him, does not read his own critics, and so much more. You fill in the rest while I giggle at Cheney goin' gangsta since you know that a rapper is going to throw in a line about this hunting trip soon.

Is it any wonder why I think about moving to Australia or the UK? As dumb as Blair is, he's nowhere in the league of stupidity as Bush is.

Oh, how I missed the filling out of employment applications. Just how many "Full Name" and "List Past Employments" can I take? Somewhere in all these papers, my soul is being sucked out of me due to the feeling that I will have to lose my identity in order to be employed. Creativity? Gone! Sense of humor? I'm sure someone farted that out yesterday.

Somehow in all these papers, I miss my old co-workers as smelly or as awfully fucked up as they were. We were allowed to be ourselves as long as we did the work but still...........shouldn't we be able to keep the soul? Last night, a friend I had not seen in so long said it best:

"You SO do not want to do telemarketing!"

Ah, but life isn't so bad once you put me in a bookstore to wonder around thanks to the fact that I have 45 minutes to kill since the comic store doesn't open til noon. I'll be your Jeeves, complete with chains locked to my ankles, bitching about whatever crap I'm talking about in this damn diary. If I see a damn Oprah book telling me how to live my life better with a 1,000 thread count in sheets or Dr. Phil's fat bloated face saying he knows how to help you lose weight for $19.99, a urinating I will go since that kind of hocus-pocus mops rather quickly.

I have a special set format for how I enter my Barnes. Start with magazines, skim through graphic novels, browse the music section, sweep through cultural studies, and end up in women's studies to top it off. Sometimes, I end at the photography section but not today.

My jaw dropped! There was a book titled "I Am My Own Lover" in the women's studies section, a soft cover to be exact. Thousands of alarms told me to pick it up. Black and white pictures of women masturbating!?! What was this book doing in my bookstore and can I thank them?

Actually, in all seriousness, I wasn't turned on but fascinated due to my own special joy of female self-lovin'. You'd be surprised how desensitized I've become after almost 4 years on Diaryland and a Female Sexuality (my professor would have loved it if I brought it to class) class where I got a discussion going on blowjobs. The pictures were very explicit but what got to me was that the women shown were of different ages and sizes. I'm pretty sure there was a 60something year old as the tops while there were obviously 20 years as the youngest.

This is the really good part. The whole female masturbation book was done in complete seriousness and a bit of fun. I mean, c'mon! Sex doesn't have to be this boring list of things because these girls pictured really looked like they were having the times of their lives. The book was obviously done by a woman since men getting their hands on this type of thing wouldn't do it right.

So, what am I fucking talking about? You take the women and you interview them, give them a voice and let them talk about their sexual needs, desires, and all that jazz. To just show some woman with her legs spread and going at it just feels like porn while I'd rather know more about her and what she thinks about. Plus, I've just gotta ask how the hell do you hold up a giant massager for that long while the cat gives you funny looks.

Cat: "Why is Mommy talking funny while that awful buzzing sound annoys me?"

Yes, there is a picture of a woman having the time of her life with herself while the confused cat looks on. Perfect for being blown up and framed.

Again, not all women were models but actual women you'd run into at a grocery store so my hat's off to them to allow such a private moment be photographed. I'll admit to only skimming the book due to my desperate need to get my hands on Ultimate Spiderman #91 but I did like what I saw, realistic portrayal of something men are obviously fascinated with due to the mysteriousness of the vagina.

And it gets worse...............

It was later on that I realized I had a few more minutes to kill in time so I picked up the newest issue of "Jane." It's an okay magazine aimed at women since I was really hoping for an article or interview with Keira Knightley. Going through all these women's mags is tough for me as I have to deal with "shoegasms" and prices for Luis Vuitton purses.

Okay, again I was in awe over the article on how a girl should build her porn library. Really!?! Girls are amassing up porn? Can I give them all a high-fives or interview them because this drives me nuts. I knew that girls watch porn but to build a huge collection of the hot nasty stuff instead of the usual Sense And Sensibility next to Clueless is highly amusing. Plus, I love to know what turns women on.

I looked at the list of porn titles that women find entertaining. 2 got my attention since my girlfriend has 1 of them. Ranked #2 was The Masseuse with Jenna Jameson. In my opinion, it was okay and surprisingly enough has a plot. Much of it doesn't feel like a porn video but something you'd see in the movies if you take out the cum shots, penetration, and all those things that make frat boys viewing such things howl.

The other is of a porno that I've been curious to see, Alice In Wonderland. Why? The fact that I read it as being a musical got me curious. How can you spend a good hour singing and bonking? Are there other porno musicals out there? If so, tell me.

The other reason is that Alice In Wonderland is one of my favorite stories. Guards that are decks of cards while a Cheshire Cat smiles at you with an evil grin. There are so many possibilities in regards as to where to put hot filthy sex. Down the rabbit hole? I'm late! I'm late and I must get laid! Alice being bent over and rammed from behind as she rests on a giant mushroom? My filthy mind only comes out in moments of fun creativity since I'm just not into porn where people only have sex. Give me plot and a reasong to like the characters, please.

What do you think? I'm sorry for not catching up on sending notes as I have been busy being plagued with too many thoughts all day. What pornos interest you? If you've seen Alice In Wonderland, is it any good and is it really a musical? I'll have to go back and get that Jane Magazine.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

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