-"For Your Eyes Only" by Sheena Easton

It has been decided. I leave late Friday afternoon for Bald-O's. Will it be the beer bashes and empty cases that the two of us have to haul out of the trailer the next morning? Discussions on who can hold what and how long while some very bad smells abound? The ol' who farted while everyone stands up to look under couch cushions?

Sadly, no. Times have changed since the old days at Bald-O's but they are there. As much as I dread the 2.5 hour drive, it'll be fun to catch up on things with my best friend whom I haven't seen since last July. Yeah, it's been that long as you'll hear in his voice how much he misses me.

I caught a bit of Fox's Free Ride show and it reminds me of things at Bald-O's. We've aged and changed. No more of people knocking on the trailer (yes, my boy lives in a trailer so you got any problems with that?) at amazing hours. Who sleeps? Grab a case and let's go urinate on the sign posts!

At what point do you grow up? Bald-O doesn't see people as much as he used to with families being started or guys figuring out that having a girlfriend means a large possibility of sex and that beats getting wasted. Plus, there are video games and makes for very interesting people to talk to.

"Did'ja see dat?"

Let me tell ya that putting a 25-year-old male in front of the TV for hours of video games makes for what happens to 3-year-olds on discovering Barney. Driving games or shoot'em ups just make drunken men howl like they have now gotten out of special ed and will be shuffled on to the bus "with the really big wheels." The bigger the tv screen, the worse it gets.

Yes, I do remember how I got pretty mad at Bald-O on my last visit. We got really, really drunk while playing Halo 2 (a shoot'em up!) with 2 other ex-roommates from college. I forget how long but there were moments where we watched a bit of Sling Blade (one of Bald-O's faves that does not contain boobies) as well. Drunk plus male equals lots of Sling Blade impressions.

The funniest thing was how the 2 ex-college roommates were sitting so close to each other while they competed against each other. Bald-O and I wondered if it was the beer or a major change in sexuality.

Again, I was mad because Bald-O says I don't "contribute to society" while he throws his trash out the window while driving along anywhere. Tobacco cans, beer cans, fast food garbage, and anything else that adds up in the truck ends up gone at some point. If you drive along the back roads, it's probably Bald-O's and I had to be a little steamed about this. I........cannot.......stand it........when people litter.

Living in a trailer isn't too bad. Just beware of what you watch because I first saw Signs (Mel Gibson and aliens) and had to spend the night surrounded by a cornfield that had me wondering if something might happen where aliens might discover I have a fine boo-tay and would like to explore it more.

At least, I get to sleep in 1 half of the trailer while Bald-O's down the hall in his own room. Nobody's too close, unlike the old days where various guys would be sleeping off the previous night's booze. Some of these guys can drink almost 2 cases but you only see the effects near bedtime. That's when guys turn feminine. I swear! I swear!

It's down south, a 2.5 hour drive where it's quite a sight just to see a black person. I feel sorry for any of them to have to go through this small town because, yes, it is racist and, yes, there are some nasty people.

To enter the trailer, you are required to karaoke. This is not a joke. With Bald-O's 55-inch TV, you must select a song out of his 3 disc set on what you will sing for everyone. I did The B-52's "Love Shack" so I do not have to go through that damn tradition but do ask Bald-O to sing "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers. He does it so amazingly good that I insist on it each visit.

I'll admit that the life after college thing is pretty funny. Here you see guys starting families when all you wanna say is: "Damn, I remember when you fell down the stairs and had a wee all over yourself from 13 beers, man!" This is all during a diaper change since, really, you have nothing better to say. I mean, who really wants to discuss how expensive it's getting to send kids to school when you don't have any and don't want any fucking kids?

Ah, we'll see as to what happens this weekend. Yes, there will be drinking. Yes, I will see Bald-O's parents since they love me. His dad said it best:

"You say some of the stupidest shit but you are so funny."

I'm so not used to a dad questioning me if I'm "gettin' any pussy" but that's the south. As embarassed as I was, I had to tell about the time the stripper got me up on stage, got me half-naked, and then sat on my face. Could you do that with someone's parents?

Elections are such a bitch. I will not vote for governors that insist on having their children in the political ads. They just scream at me about how they think they are amazing parents while being the corrupt blowhard we know them to be. Plus, the whole use of kids is just ripe for how they can send them to private schools while working families have to send theirs to a school where books are falling apart.

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