-The Last Boy Scout

I'm pretty nifty at finding cool websites with good gossip or whatever it is that makes your jaw drop. There are certain ones that contain very reliable information that have never let me down. I mean, you couldn't imagine my jaw as it was down on the ground due to finding the most excellent picture of Jessica Alba pulling open her bikini bottoms to scratch her butt. Hellllllllllllllloooooooooo yummy ass crack!

So, it gives me great pleasure to share with you what I learned on Paris Hilton's little restraining order against her. She has herpes. Isn't that adorable and will probably be the next in thing with celebrities. Paris is not a woman of substantial substance in hiding such a thing so this is pretty reliable information as we all know what birth control she uses thanks to her transparent outfit at the Playboy Mansion, the Patch.

You know what I thought about all day? Okay, besides that lovely ass crack, my girlfriend, and whether I will be laughed over my admittance to smelling girls' Strawberry Shortcake dolls a little too intimately. How come herpes has lost in putting fear in people? You see these commercials for people that have probably fucked half the human population all while telling us they have herpes yet they live a normal life. What does that say to you?

Well, in my opinion, you should really inspect your date before gettin' all down and dirty, folks. Ugh, I hate to think how many people were infected by herpes because the recipient was not told thanks to all that lust after 12 beers, some shots, and some 50's porn from a projector.

Yeah, I know AIDS has overtaken the fear of herpes but even that is not as talked about as it once was. Hell, I just came across an article about how it might be affecting the straight community!!! You mean, straight people might be infected after all those years of it being kept in the gay lifestyle?

Announcer: "You, yes, you keep coming to Hedgehoggy's diary with your questions that are far too embarassing to ask others. He loves how you wish to pick the brain of a man with 45 fans and a flair for honesty that sometimes gets him into trouble. People trust Hedgehoggy because he puts people first. Questions we all want to know the answers to get answered...........TONIGHT!!

New Kids On the Block: "La-La-La, tonight!"

1st question: "Why are boys weird?"

I've pondered this one for a long time and I suspect a part of this has to do with testicles. In a study with dogs, scientists found that the larger they were, the more aggressive the dog was but this still does not explain weirdness.

Boys are weird according to their environment and genetic makeup. Basements breed Dungeon And Dragons fans while the acne keeps them there due to no female companionship. You can also chalk up comic books, Magic, and people that look up to Napoleon Dynamite as their heroes.

Other forms of weirdness is to confuse the female species. Pulling hair is a tired but true response as to getting a girl to talk to them. Farting does the opposite as they hope to have a complete relief of not only the anal cavity but also for girls to just go away. Boys that do not bathe and tend to eat their boogers are just exploring their body's limits. I hope this answers that question.

Second Question: "How do you kill bumblebees?"

I'm not sure why my diary was being looked at for this one but I do remember talking about how my dad and I had to go up on the roof to get rid of a nest of bumblebees. I'm not one for killing bees but there was just too many and they were irritating my dogs. We did it like this:

Wait until the early morning since the bees will be asleep. What surprised me was that they didn't even bother waking up after my dad had torn off pieces of the roof with their nesting holes clearly visible. One by one they'd fall on to the ground where I would be waiting with a hammer to kill groggy bees slowly making their way out of the nest. It was kind of like that game where you take the mallet and hit the things that pop up.

The third question: "What does pussy smell like?"

You know what? I've pondered this one for so many years and still cannot figure it out. I'm being completely serious and have even taken up the debate with many of my female friends throughout the years. For instance, PenDragon and I sat in a hotel room for a long time discussing the pussy's unusual scent with no conclusion. My ex-girlfriend, Kristan, had no words to describe it even after I suggested "fishy" as the well known most disgusting form people seem to use.

Generall, pussy smells quite similar from girl to girl but only changing slightly. Most of this is due to the fact that the vagina is self-cleaning and has bacteria in doing so. Isn't that fascinating!?! Now you wonder what the fuck all my friends were talking about when they kept telling me I'm a fool for enjoying my love of orally sexing up girls.

In my opinion, the pussy smells quite marine. In other words, there's a slight hint of oceanic and lobster tank blended into it but depends on a few factors. The biggest is the sweat pores, and there are a lot of them, located between a woman's legs. Bacteria combined with sweat is not good. You can trust ol' Hedgehoggy on that one as well as common sense.

It's also my opinion that I enjoy the pussy's scent. Once you've got your girlfriend thrashing all around thanks to a major orgasm coming on, you'll see what I mean. My advice to you is to tell your girlfriend, wife, or transgender lover that you enjoy her scent because girls are soooooooooooo self conscience when it comes to allowing your nose in such a very private place. Give it lots of little kisses, lick, insert your fingers, and lick again. You'll see why since that's the great thing about sex.

4th Question: "Why are Yorkies noisy?"

I have 5 Yorkshire Terriers and this house is a party 18 hours (Yorkies have to sleep sometime) of the day thanks to their little mouths telling us of the smallest movement, people outside, or the phone. It's no wonder I am especially freaked out when things are quiet at other people's houses.

Yorkshire Terriers are sensitive and spiteful little dogs but I love them to death. My little dog, Buffy, spends many hours in my room watching traffic and letting me know if someone is walking on the sidewalk. It's part of their nature to try and make up for their small bodies. The big barks mean something to them. Don't ever think things will be quiet when inviting a Yorkie into your home.

5th Question: "What scent do strippers wear?"

I really don't know but I do remember the time a stripper sat on my face after pulling me on stage to undress me. Oh, there was a lovely labia piercing but you know how I feel about those since I worry about the fact that piercing tend to be sprayed when a girl pees. Yucky but interesting.

What I did notice was that every stripper whom gave me extra attention smelled like a lotion. Every one. A part of me wonders if it was to mask the smell of her vagina while engaging in such filthy acts like I was involved as well as to keep from smelling the way the business did, smoky and boozy. I don't blame a stripper for wearing a scent to mask things.

Psychologically, a stripper might want to put up some sort of shield since she is going to be dealing with the male population, much of these patrons are gross overweight beings that you'd wish were playing Dungeons And Dragons. Who knows. Strippers just smell of lotion, even the one that sat in my lap to tell a topless Hedgehoggy whom she just sat on his face that he has a great body. Isn't that sweet? I didn't even give her any money as I even got a kiss on the cheek.

So, I hope my diary answers some of those embarassing questions people seem to keep coming here to have answered. I've found myself wondering about bees, why pussy smells so odd that you can't even describe it, and my own weirdness. That's one great thing about this diary, you'll never guess what's in the next entry.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07