As much as I'd love to get my hands on the above t-shirt, I just could not have the ability to wear it in front of my mother. She sent me to private Catholic school (and we all know how that turned out-nuns are such bitches) so she'd obviously have a fit, whether it be the sexual joke or the grossness factor. Heads or tails?

Boo to me as I did not get to see tonight's Sopranos. I'm sure it would be much better than last week's due to my sickness that just began that night with my stomach warning me. You try sitting there with an upset stomach for an hour due to the fact that your love of a show has you totally devoted that a trip to the loo means nothing. Things get worse when the characters are always found eating. They always eat so much to the point that I wonder if the whole show could do a side portion on their tastes or Pauly Walnut's discussion on why a guy can eat off of a woman's toilet.

I'm serious. Pauly thinks women's bathrooms are so immaculate you can eat off of them. I've had to deal with working in one. I know the truth and women do NOT always pee where they are supposed to.

So I didn't get to see Sopranos. Big deal. I can wait as much as I am for this whole multi-episode outcome that some of you know what I am talkin' about. My distraction is Mila Jovovich's Ultraviolet. We all know how I can get carried away when you take martial arts, add swords, vampires, and stir.

All: "Instant boner-worthy movie!"

I dunno. Ultraviolet did not get good reviews by anyone as far as I know. The trailers looked spectacular as it is by the crew that did Equilibrium, one of the finest in martial arts with unbelievable sword skills thanks to Christian Bale and Taye Diggs (I like both of these guys). Ultraviolet sat on the shelf for years so what was wrong will become apparent as I will try to see it soon.

I'm not sure where all this women with weapons thing started but it's the truth. I deeply admire those that can fight back rather than just sit there and die like in horror films where I scream at the girl to take off her pumps and run. If she doesn't I cheer on the serial killer as he runs faster with a lawn mower. Who else loves it when the killer gets more creative in tools?

Aliens is most likely the movie that started all this, my love of women that can stand up for themselves. Plus, my mother will send you under the table if you trifle with her. It's just that you have to know how to warm up to win her back.

Speaking of women that are slowly losing my interest...........Jessica Alba makes this big announcement that she is not doing nudity in film. That's not all but she tells a bunch of reporters that she is also not playing the role of vixen or bad girl anymore. Poop. Whatever happened to wanting to act? Good gravy, you haven't even given us males a reason to see what only a woman would find your movies worthy, good acting.

Yeah, I know you said it first, Sammy, but my feathers have been ruffled. Here is this actress (if you can call it that since I only LOVE Into the Blue for that ass of hers and the gorgeous ocean views) that is paid uber amounts of money but has now become a conceted little bitch. What does that say to actresses that do take off their clothes? Nothing but a bunch of whores? Well, I like my sex scenes realistic as I've also mentioned how men should be viewed nude as well so penises up for the gals. A lot of great actresses have been nude.

One of my favorites: Angelina Jolie! How many movies? A lot while Gia comes up quickly due to the so close view of her bush that I was dying to see. Shaved? Trimmed? Massive? A boy wants to know.

Now, Miss Alba, we all know you are completely bare on that crotch of yours as those bikinis would not be able to hide 1 teencie weencie little hair. There have been so many scenes where you barely wear anything, brushing you teeth in your panties comes to mind. I've seen lots of bare vaginas in real life as my girlfriend, Sara, is more than happy to run around naked. Why not you, Miss Alba? I know the female anatomy but would love to see yours as it is beautiful. If I were acting and had to show my large balls, well, out they come to breathe the night air!

The stigma of nudity is weird when it comes to Hollywood. In some cases, it kills a career while in others it seems to better it. Namoi Watts is doing just fine after Mulholland Drive. Nicole Kidman was impressive in Eyes Wide Shut even if I don't find her attractive. Even Richard Gere supposedly showed his dick in an early movie. Sara had me see him in the musical DVD, Chicago.

Someone needs to make Jessica Alba more grateful she isn't waitressing at Hooters even if I'd hate to not see her in Sin City 2. Then again, Angelina Jolie is being hinted at as someone we'll see in that sequel.

Sara's become quite the little nudist. She'll race down the hall for something she needs completely starkers when putting on panties becomes too much of a hastle. Why not? Nudity is instantly thought of as sex. You're born naked, dammit. I love the feeling of my thunderous balls flying in the air as I make my way to the fridge for some juice or water. Sara knows how much I enjoy pulling down my shorts to wave my penis at her when I'm feeling insanely silly. Why, oh, why does she not wave back?

This whole concept where we must have clothes on is a strange one. How else will we have that public sex we think about when feeling extra naughty? There is just no way I could turn down Sara's wondering fingers while she was driving on the Interstate as she wanted to give me a handjob. I like pulling up Sara's skirt to run my fingers in between her legs as I feel her get wet. It's all relative, baby.

I don't know how you feel about running around naked as some of you told me that sex only takes place with the lights out. This would have been my thought as well when I was a teenager since I thought it would be an absolute nightmare to have a girl see my boner. Now, I just cannot seem to put the damn thing away but back then.............I had nightmares. I, seriously, wondered how I could tuck it away.

Well, I guess you can chalk up an obvious line here. Yes, I am getting better as my sex drive is slowly coming back to life. It's the fact that I am eating again, not as much, but I am finding I want to. Smells of food no longer gross me out but drive me as wild as Jack Black's need to fill his massive belly.

Operation Get Mike Better started as I left Sara's apartment. It's the usual, where a girl tosses her panties for the boy to catch in the air and away he drives to a destination where he snores alone. Doesn't that sound dramatic? Days go by as his appetite very slowly comes back. Tiredness turns into little drops of energy as today found me in the gym, not at my usual abilities. At least, my workout was only at a small drop-off. Damn, I miss benchin'.

I think Diaryland helps when you are sick. Every now and then, I'd check up to find some people were posting their views on V For Vendetta so I liked the debates of what the movie stood for or whether it was a little kick at the Bush Administration. Again, the story was written during the Margaret Thatcher time period in Britain. Part of it sound like the time of the Nazis since there is a portion on the prisoners being used as experiments. The fact that the leader threatens anyone who might oppose him or his paranoia reminds me of Joseph Stalin's time.

*Learn your history. It's a whole lot more interesting than you think as I used to love reading about World Wars.*

Again, I'm better enough to say thanks to all of you that sent notes wishing me better or "mommying" me to rest. Even if it is a little frightening that people take such an interest in my life, I feel safe in knowing you were meaning these things with the best of intentions. Sammy's debates as to what the fuck I am talking about while not backing down even if I was sick. Summer's insisting I rest. Jen's telling me that the flu was with her as well. Of course, Zu mentions marriage as Sara looks at me and goes, "No, no, no."

Well, I am doing much better. I've got some of my vigor and venom while I'm sure my entries where I mention my absolute love of a woman's vagina will make appearances soon. Hollywood is always pissing me off while my large balls seem to stir as sexual desire heats up. I wouldn't be surprised to find a note from Sammy on Jessica Alba or offering me lots of hugs for coming back to life while telling me she vacuums in the nude. Good grief, my good fortune could just be a result of how much I've allowed my hair to grow out. I wanna be just like Fabio and visit housewives all around to toss my hair around! Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07