Shock therapy. I was even going to discuss my curiousity in this due to finishing "The Bell Jar" yesterday. I've always been fascinated with mental hospitals due to times when my own life feels so chaotic that I'd really like to be put into a white room and left alone. No, I am not crazy but I do feel as if life is closing in on me so I need a break from the world, much like today.

My email account won't let me in for some strange reason. Yahoo sucks tonight.

So, why am I down? I feel so dumb and upset that someone got her feelings hurt. It's all my fault as this begs me to wise up in how women see me. Due to my not having much self esteem or belief in myself, I don't notice things that are given off by women.

Sara can tell you that there are times I don't know why she'd want to be with me. When I look at myself, all I see are the features I cannot stand as they become so accentuated. I've already discussed those so you already know, folks. Plus, when you add the bouts of depression that pop up, I'm such a mess.

It's funny how Sara and I have worries for each other. I don't like it that she has to close most nights as I've heard of the psychos that tend to frequent that place. I'm sure Sara has gotten a wedding proposal or 2 while having to fend off creepy guys that don't realize that a woman has a choice. Too many pornos can make a guy think that any female working behind the counter just gives out hot delicious sex. Let's just say that some guys don't have properly adjusted heads in dealing with public.

Now, it's dumb ol' me that feels so stupid as I made a girl extremely upset by telling her I have a girlfriend. Can you believe this? I didn't realize she was coming onto me in such a way since our discussion was based on neutral subjects. Hell, my hearing wasn't up to par with all the noise from the gym so I may have missed something.....or two.

My friends in the past had to tell me if a girl liked me because I *whispers* secretly never liked myself so why would anyone out there see something in me? All my girlfriends came onto me while being the lucky recipient that never had to ask them out. That's why a lot of people were jealous of me in college. There was no will she or won't she since it was me being thrown down into a soft bed and stripped of my clothes.

What do I need? A ring that says that I adore my girlfriend? Walk around with a small chalkboard? My former college roommate always had a Claudagh ring to say to tell potential women that he loved his girlfriend, Kim. I'll never forget Sammy's way of putting her "fiancee" in the discussion right then and there to ward off potential guys that are trying to sell more than a magazine subscription.

Okay, I feel bad for this girl as I hate to hurt people. I'm completely shocked that I meant that much to someone, to anyone. I've been hit on by a 36-year-old married woman while I was seeing someone at the time. This woman got so upset In my turning her sexual advances down that she told our boss that I did things I never did.

I know, I know. This sounds like a pity me because I'm either pretty or really hot or something. Well, I just don't get it. I cannot read if a girl is interested in me. This hurts Sara since I've told her I get hit on but I just shake it off due to not believing so. Does that make sense? I know so many girls in my gym that I am just friendly with that an observer would think I am a player.

I'm just fucking friendly. If you smell nice and are easy to talk to, come say hello. Tell me a story. There is very little ego from me as I try to know you. You just might notice that I'm a little lonely since my best friends are gone thanks to drugs while others are married and have become slobs that I have no interest in talking to.

I miss my girlfriend and I miss her a whole lot. She's shown me more than any of my past relationships can muster up. Girls, thanks to the trivial or tribulations of college, dumped me over simple things. My girlfriend has given me the best of times and more fun than you'll ever know. Sometimes, people that are almost complete opposites can work well together. Sara's the artist. I'm the blue-eyed doofus.

I just cannot believe that I can mean that much to someone.

Well, a strange little thing happened while changing in the gym tonight prior to all this drama of watching a girl get upset. My first thought was: "So, this is what Sammy means by free porn!" Yeah, someone left a hardcore porno in the locker I was using, an all anal gangbang DVD. No, I haven't watched it yet but I just might soon. I'm curious as to whether those porno actresses have found a new hole in between their legs to exploit. Sammy, the only good porn is free porn as your wisdom has told me.

Once I've seen the porno, I am so going to discuss it, kids. You know how much you love it when I talk dirty.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07