-Jeff Foxworthy: Totally Committed

Actually, I think every guy can attest to having said that quote at one time or another. It's best when drunk to say such words because it all makes more sense. Alcohol gives us men an excuse to be the cuties y'all know us to be. Plus, it helps us all have sex since the human population looks pretty bad when *gasp* naked.

We can all chalk me up to being a good citizen and a loving pet owner as my dear little Buffy spends her afternoons barking at squirrels on my bed only to be personally escorted down the stairs by yours truly when it's potty time. I've never understood why people don't own pets because not a day goes by where I can't get a laugh at seeing small midget-like dogs make fools of themselves. Bad poopy days have each's ass look like someone lit a firecracker in their asses. The looks when Buffy decides to show attitude? Priceless until she won't shut the fuck up.

I spent the first 30 minutes of my morning with a dark Schnauzer by standing on my front lawn and holding him. His name was "Vinny" and he was lost while roaming in the middle of the street. A car had stopped and the woman got out but I told her I would take care of it.

And so Vinny and I spent some time getting to know each other while my mother dialed the number on his collar. Pet owners, always provide your lil' rascals with a phone number, I.D., and insist each pet wears a fanny pack. You never know when they'll go all Homeward Bound on ya as pets are known to want to discover the world while a fancy soundtrack follows them.

I'd pick a line-up of old 80's tunes with a dash of David Hassellhoff to make me worry about my own sanity and masculinity. Should I grow chest hair when I'm trying to find my way back home as I talk to my socks?

Oh, we're talking about Vinny! Cute dark Schnauzer. I'm not into that type of dog since they just look so ugly but Vinny was so nice, quiet, and dammit! The little bastard went home too soon as his owner, a college student, found us. Usually, I have a full-on makeout session with my dog, Buffy, but it's a good thing I didn't with Vinny as that would be, like, so gross and not to mention embarassing. I've got a rep, ya know?

Don't you just love happy endings? Vinny went home instead of ending up as roadkill, what I see almost everyday here. Makes me want to rent Beethoven, that movie with the Saint Bernard. Oh, I could totally see myself fighting for space on my bed with one of those massive dogs. If it weren't for the amount of slobber, a Saint Bernard would be perfect.

So, I see Hugh Hefner turned 80. Congrats to you, Hef. A lot of people owe you thank yous as you defended the 1st Amendment far more than Larry Flynt said he did. I've followed Hugh Hefner's life far more than anyone else's thanks to the fact that he is one of the few people I truly admire. Unlike others that dwell on his lifestyle of having many girlfriends at once, I like him more on how intelligent and classy this man can be since I hate how cads are seen as being of pristine quality.

Dating a woman isn't all about sex. It's just being with someone that you want to be with but also making her feel warm and safe. I'm pretty sure we guys being given larger bodies is so girls can feel protected. Then again, there are the women that can deal with things themselves as I've seen some girls beat the shit out of a guy. This is, after all, the year 2000 and not a time period where women only talk of how pretty they are.

As I said, I don't admire many people that are well known. Hugh just had this class all while fighting for the freedom of speech. He had Martin Luthor King Jr. interviewed while racism was major as that issue of Playboy is one that I would love to get my hands on. Sammy Davis Jr. was invited to Hef's bachelor pad in Chicago along with the great trumpet player, Dizzy. You just cannot go wrong with a guy far ahead of his time even if he was not for monogamy.

80 years old and still looks young, Hugh Hefner. Just the fact that I have devoted a few entries all to this man speaks volumes. One of the things I am in total agreement with is Hugh's use of nudity in his magazine, Playboy. I'm just not into porn in which each page is devoted to the same gyno view over and over again while only asking the girl for her view on her taste in sex. I'm fine with pictures with of women that have their legs spread open but to only show picture after picture of what a gynacologist sees just makes me feel as if what's in between a woman's legs is her only value.

Man: "Oh, another crotch shot? Man, I was hoping to see something, like, a picture of her vaccuming. My wife never vaccums."

Class. Yeah, I know some people enjoy "Hustler" and things of that nature but I was always into Playboy. Always. You'd get huge discussions on life's latest issues or how we just might be being lied to. Playboy never held back and, yes, I can honestly tell you that I read each issue as well as look at the pictures. "Hustler" was used only to end that dreaded question of just what the vagina looked like when I was a wittle boy with no knowledge of women.

Can you believe that there is now a Muslim edition of Playboy? It was just recently released and I am dying to get a copy as the curiousity of what is in it weighs on me. How much does the model show? I know the Muslim community are not happy about this but.........how far will Playboy go?

Just read Hugh Hefner's life and you'll see a man that truly lived while putting together a magazine that started something major, celebrating sexuality while being classy. Happy birthday, Hef.

It's just one of those nights where I miss Sara. The air was so nice while I helped clear up our yard of tree limbs that fell during that storm. 2 tornados were spotted in my town as I was in Indiana at the time. Our yard looks pretty nice but the portion devoted to my dad's science experiments has us looking like white trash. I'm still amazed that no one has called to have us looked at by the police or something since crystal meth is a major problem in this state.

To all of you that are complaining of being single, just know that we all go through periods of time where we miss gettin' some ass. It's just a dry spell and will end eventually. Most of the time, people meet others while not even looking so don't go out of your way to getting desperate. Smell great, take care of yourself, keep your bushes trimmed, teeth clean, don't make an ass of yourself while drunk, and try not to stalk guys in the front yard. That's what backyards with the combination of eerie music are for.

*Halloween theme plays*

So, I'm outta here as this nice day comes to a close. Nobody ran through the sprinkler naked so no one got hurt. You know how disastorous it can be when a full on blast of water hits your ass head on. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07