-Jon Stewart at The Oscars

Just chalk this Easter Day up as your lucky you aren't me. Allergies were out in full force so I found myself sneezing all day along with this weird aching sensation in my eyes. Boogers, snot, and givin' everyone the ol' "bug eye" is what I'm worth while y'all are out there looking for eggs.

Well, this possum just finished Wolf Creek and found it a nice little flick that does justice to Australia. You'll get some amazing scenery of the actual Wolf Creek (a massive crater thanks to a meteorite) and those long roads that seem to remind me of Mad Max, a movie I've only seen in bits.

I'm always up to seeing a movie that shows the land of places I've never been to but let's give a big ol' shout out to the guy that played the serial killer, Mick. Damn funny guy that can be your best mate for 1 minute but a completely crazy lunatic ready to rape you. Since it's hard for me to watch rape scenes, I was happy that they were only implied. Large hairy guy grabbing his balls was really pushing it, though.

My only problem with Wolf Creek was that I wanted more. More! I'm serious in that I felt let down on the fact that I wanted more Mick and more chasing. The suspense was only light as those of you who know what I'm talking about near the end. Plus, I loved the British girl, Liz, a true beauty with gorgeous hair. For some reason, that hairstyle on girls drives me wild.

Just what the hell is a "poofter," anyway? I've never heard that term from Australia as I'm sure I'll get a lesson from Hiss within a couple hours. Apparently, I know British slang but Australian leaves me puzzled.

I have my own little problems to deal with as Monday means I have to run into that girl that shed a tear over the fact that I am not single. Poop.

And so I promised a little discussion on what I saw on that porn video. This all brings up my diagreeing with Sammy. "Free porn" doesn't mean it's gonna be good. Good quality porn is found not in gym lockers but in epic quality along with amazing actresses. Personally, I found the 70's and 80's stuff hilarious with all the goofy fun rather than the hardcore shit of today.

You may not find much of any porn in my room but I'd certainly take an eye to it if presented to me. "Hustler" in the doctor's office? Just like Jerry did on Seinfield when he came across "Penthouse," I'd sneak a few peeks. You don't even have to look at the date to know how old it is since doctor's offices are notorious at providing old mags. The number of pubes will lead the way.

So, what did I see that I never thought I'd come across on a porn DVD? A woman that had just given a guy a blowjob decided the best thing to do with his cum was to spit it out in the palm of her hand and then SNORT it. That was absolutely filthy as she smiled at the camera to say, "Look at this snot, y'all!"

You know what? I've cum on girls' breasts, back, and tummy but no one has ever decided that it would be completely genius to put it up her nose. You see what I'm saying in why I don't like today's porn? It's like everything has to be abused to the point where it's not fun anymore. You're just looking for another hole to exploit. I'm sure that 20 years ago no one would have thought that an anal gangbang would be something fun to do. My guess is that lube has gotten better.

Do you even know what semen is made up of? Not getting too technical, it's basically water, some protein, and some sugar. All things within it help sperm survive on their trip up that acidic vagina in hopes to fertilize an egg. Nobody said anything about snot or ear wax. Yes, some people are into ear fucking.

Don't look at me like that. I nibble or lightly bite a girl's ears but there is no way I'd want to do THAT.

Another thing I saw absolutely freaked me the fuck out. Finally, a new use for old aluminum baseball bats! Apparently, women have assholes that can accomodate instead of the damn rack we used to use when playing ball. We're not talking the handle but the thick part. Yuck.

There is no doubt that I am giving this porn DVD that I found in the locker room to Bald-O. As Sara pointed out to me on my last visit, I mentioned how he's always wanted to know what it feels like to stick a finger up a girl's butt so why not. Bald-O, obviously, has a secret anal fixation that is going to explode once he sees the aluminum bat scene. The smile on his face is going to be so big as he is so afraid to rent or buy porn due to living in a small town. By the way, the girl licks the damn baseball bat.

I got a kick out of Stepford's discussion on porn. Good stuff as it's always fun to know a woman's point of view. I agree that some porn starlets do not know how to give proper head. You don't just immediately take a guy's penis and start sucking as hard as possible. It's the anticipation as well as the feeling of being in a girl's mouth that drives us wild.

Enough porn! For now..........of course. I'm hardly the type that is quiet on such a topic but my eyes are really sore and occasionally itchy. The whole point is that I don't get how we have taken porn to such extremes. No one seems to want to just fuck anymore.

1 book down so who's next is a hard choice. "Sabriel" is 1 of a trilogy. Liked the character, along with the wiseass cat named Mogget. My problem is I want to start on the C.S. Lewis books soon as I love fantasy that brings out the child within. Who doesn't dream of flying all over the world on a big white dog like in The Neverending Story while telling it to shit on Paris Hilton. One massive dump and we have a good day no matter how much my eyes itch.

So, I hope y'all had a good Easter while I sneezed and wondered why it's good to be alive. A copy of "Fangoria" (horror magazine) telling me of some good shit coming out soon made my day a little better. I think that horror movies tend to take me away from the stupid reality of what is so wrong in politics. Plus, Keira Knightley is in May's "Vogue!!!" Can I do the happy dance now? Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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