Ben: "Yeah, Sydney."

Mick: "Poofter capital of Australia."

-Wolf Creek

I'm not gonna let my entry go by without mentioning the fact that I am about an hour in on this new DVD, Wolf Creek. Not your completely typical horror movie in which backpackers are taken hostage by a so-called nice guy by the name of "Mick" as you have to go about 50 minutes in til all the shit hits the fan.

What can I say about Wolf Creek? Interesting as it's a true story (sort of). It's kind of the thing you fear most in adventuring out to a foreign land as I'd hate to see how crazy things would get if I was chained up while a freaking large Australian taunted me with a knife and a grin. Good gravy, is that guy allowed to own that much back hair?

There is no way I'd be able to dismiss the beauty of Wolf Creek as it's basically a large hole of nothing. It's the place a large meteor hit way back when but was supposedly only discovered back in the 40's according to the movie (but who really trusts movies?). Just ask Chez Hiss as our most popular Diarylander (and Saucy Aussie) will tell you all you need to know once she puts HBO's Deadwood on pause.

What a day! It was at 80 degrees but I was as busy as a bee thanks to running errands, hitting the gym, and reading "Sabriel." Found myself completely dozed out around 3pm as I was a sweaty mess.

I don't know about you but seeing all those joggers out there makes me want to put on a tight tank-top and cute little shorts as to see if my buns o' steel could cause traffic mishaps that those giant bra exposing billboards tend to do in New York. You know the most famous one as Wonderbra said it best:

"Hello, boys!"

Hey, I didn't know tits could talk but I'm guessing they do as boys stare at them thinking that their effect is hallucinating. Wish I had boobs, a pair of champagne glass size that I can play with all day. I've got it half right as my nipples are sensitive as I found out while playing with them after a workout. True story.

For some reason, I never forgot about an article on women that stated how co-habiting causes them to put on weight. I'm not sure why this is but I am sure that a lot of you can think up reasons. So, can we discuss boyfriends putting on weight thanks to their girlfriends' moms?

It's true. Sara's mom loves to have me over for dinner where I'd find a gigantic selection of the finest in plumping me up. Abdominal muscles? Gone as I stuff another hot dog fresh off the grill into my face. That's what I had last time as we are talking about some enormous 'dogs, yo.

Okay, I'm vain. V-A-I-N. When Sara pointed out my now swollen tummy hanging over my shorts, this got to me in a humorous way. I sure as hell aint gonna end up with an enormous stomach like Tony Soprano of The Sopranos but I still hate knowing that my stomach now feels like it is permanently full. This is, obviously, my own fault as I get into talking too much while eating at Sara's parents' house. You lose count of how many helpings of food as sometimes I will be trying to get the attention of a cat that only likes me if shrimp is involved.

It's not too difficult to fatten me up as I tend to think of a visit to Sara's as vacation time. No working out as I eat homemade macaroni & cheese (oh, my favorite!), hot dogs, steak, hamburgers, mozzarella sticks, and various other things that seem to be too much for me as I feel like I'm gonna burst. Let's hear it for moms out there as they keep poor kids from starving!

Ever seen a boy behave strangely by laying on his back and making strange sounds? It's probably because a dog is involved. Now, it's not funny as I tend to lose it when approached by the 4-legged variety. Puppies make me go mad since Sara knows all too well that a simple nibble on my ear or neck area makes me ticklish.

There's an antique store in Sara's hometown that we tend to visit every now and then. Unique stuff. It was my first time venturing further into it as I'm found more along the front waiting on Sara. Once I turned around, there was the tiniest Terrier staring at me. It was love! Love more deep than you'll ever know as all 5'10 of me crashed to the floor to receive lots of licks and nibbles.

I'm for dogs. Big dogs. little dogs. Wily dogs. Goofy dogs. Whatever. Actually, I am more into big dogs as Alaskan Sled Dogs are my favorite. Just look at those blue eyes and I'd go crazy for the chance to go running in the park with one.

This little Terrier was adorable! I had to get pictures and did just that by leaving Sara in the store as I had to run and get a camera. Again, I found myself laying on the floor to allow this little 2 pounder triumph over me, close to 200 pounds. I'm a sucker when it comes to 4 legs that use their tongues or teeth to nibble on me.

- - 2009-07-07

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