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| "Don't fuck with the babysitter." -Adventures In Babysitting Yo' damn right you shouldn't mess with the babysitter. As of 8am tomorrow, I will be doing this ungrateful job of keeping 4 snobbish Yorkshire Terriers from causing daily havoc. This includes picking up various packages of poo all neatly hidden behind various furniture, bathroom breaks every hour on the hour, feeding dinner while the possibility of being trampled rages on, and spending the evening "loungin" as Ellie-Mae does best. Fat dogs know how to relax. My parents and little brother are all heading south to visit my mom's parents. Hopefully, this all comes through because my mom has been wanting to for some time but Dad's whining keeps her here. My dad, the selfish lardass, keeps adding up in his health problems thanks to his need to eat and eat and eat. That's pretty much what I see as he walks by with potato chips or piles of ice cream. So, 4 dogs? Buffy used to be my grandma's dog so she has to ride along and see her former mother. Besides, that little smoke stack loves to see new things and run around like the ball of fur she is. Yeah, I'm gonna miss my dog for several hours tomorrow. Of course, I made that terrible run into my car to go all the way up to Borders and get my copy of Vogue. I'm just dying to know what is in store for us when it comes to couture dresses. Witness me prance around the room as if I'm a princess in a castle that has many servants dying to look up her dress. Sorry to burst your bubble but I did the Vogue thing for one reason only, to see the beautiful pictures of Keira Knightley (yes, Sara you can roll your eyes) as she prances and flutters for the shutterbug. Oh, and I struck gold in one pic being of her in panties, cute ones, too! More gold? Keira's working out! Awesome! I love it when women take pride in their health as Keira has been known to do what I do, sit-ups while watching TV. So, I await the usual backlash from my readers that love to make fun of ol' Hedgehoggy as he tells of his lust for Keira. Keira! Keira! KEIRA! Isn't she such a cutie and we learned that acting is in her blood thanks to Pride & Prejudice. My allegiance is torn when it comes to that new Pirates Of the Carribean flick due in July. Do I profess a love of Captain Jack or Miss Elizabeth, played respectively by Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley. Damn, I'm gonna go with the girl that has painted cleavage. Keira calls her body, "a board with 2 raisins." Gilbert Godfried (a comedian) was called the "Unsexiest Person" as I just saw in an interview on VH1. What the fuck!?! Osama Bin Laden was ranked better. I guess it is true that girls love the bad boys, even if they fuck sheep, smell really bad, and don't read Vogue. Osama doesn't know what he's missing in this issue! Editor: *thumbing through the May issue of Vogue* "Hey, Keira's working out!" I'd like to talk more about how wonderful it was that I avoided all forms of soda machines and mentally prepared myself for a day of homeboy alone with 4 Yorkshire Terriers that keep me in shape by chasing me on the backyard's deck. Of course, I'm all horny, goofy, but I'm in the middle of Sara's book to keep me from various forms of public nudity. My best form of amusing myself was to answer that Google'd question I mentioned: "How do you fuck a girl doggy style?" Laughter makes a workout better. Happy twats all around. 0 Got Balls? |
- - 2009-07-07 Love Facebook - 2009-05-07 Retards Away! - 2009-02-16 Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28 My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07 |