Okay, I am going to warn you that I went into this just with an open mind of seeing how things go. If I find myself amused, I'll continue and possibly find a reason to hate what I did a few hours ago. A part of me feels like a hypocrite as I write this but I feel no shame, this coming from a guy that admits to owning a Best Of Debbie Gibson CD and El Debarge's "Rhythm Of the Night" makes him wanna shake his ass.

I saw the Dukes Of Hazzard and......I,uh, liked it. Now, I tried to hate it since we all know how much I cannot stand Jessica Simpson but, oh, we got car chases! Oooooooooh, there's some lame humor that I found myself giggling a little bit as Bo and Luke Duke work out their girl troubles while driving in the middle of Atlanta's downtown. Did I even mention half-naked girls in the sorority that them Duke boys just had to visit?

I know, I know. Hate me for mentioning all that but I do feel a bit of a draw towards the south since I've stayed there so many times. Southern hospitality begins with a trailer and lots of booze. Once you let your I.Q. drop several points, things take to a different direction in which you enjoy ignorance as the sights of dog butts take place over your girlfriend's cat's butt you seem to view each morning.

Now, I grew up on the Dukes Of Hazzard so I have an excuse to liking this 1 hour and 30 minutes of nothing but complete air. What did you expect? A well thought out movie where we all learn why so many southerners are found at places where cars go left in a circle 500 times? There aint no real reasoning, son. Rednecks just find it difficult to focus on more than one direction.

Never mind all that. Just know that I, Hedgehoggy, found the Dukes Of Hazzard a mildly amusing ride to nowhere. If you like Johnny Knoxville, his ass is on display at the end. You know how boys get when in the car together for too long.

Wanna know why Austria is the most sexually satisfied country? It seems that this place has been quite equal in it's views towards the sexes. You read that right. If mama has a great day thanks to laws that respect her, boys have a great day in getting to boink. We all know how good happy women are in between the sheets. When mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. How many think Bush gets some everynight? Monthly? Yearly?

What a great day! I spent a lot of time outside working on our yard and still aint even done. Leaves, leaves, leaves, are all over the left side of this house as I filled around 5 giant bags to be hauled away later. It looks so much nicer and I even brought out some company that enjoy telling me how high my approval ratings are going.

Ellie-Mae, Jethro, and Buffy all barked and played while I cleaned things up outside. Instead of just letting them out on the deck, I had them run around the little fenced in grassy area that they love to sniff as plenty of animals leave their scents. All female dogs are ruthless when it comes to their territories. They wanna know how big the bunny was and whether it left pellets. Nobody shits in Ellie-Mae's yard for free.

The other 2 Yorkies are allowed out later on as 5 together do not get along. Ellie-Mae and Buffy hate Bonnie while Buffy and Jethro hate Clyde. Got that? It's a gang war between midgets with a lot of hair covering their asses.

Clyde, as I've discussed before, has to poop in privacy. He'll back up between trash cans hoping no one notices but will jump for joy as he's done. Other times, he climbs up on top of gravel bags as turds descend down. It's a "plop, plop, plop, and PLOP" that you have no idea as to how strange that is unless you own dogs.

I love dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, medium sized dogs, and anything that loves to leap on top of me to lick me. Plus, they don't make me sneeze, even if they come into the house all sweaty from a run. 5 Yorkies are a lot of work.

So, we're gonna spend a lot of this summer talking about gas prices. What's going on in your town? We're seeing more and more people pawning their things to get gas money. There was a segment where they showed a lot of older teens selling off their cars' rims and kickin' stereos. Where the hell do teens get their money anyway? Man, I don't even have a tape player in my car.

Fact: How do I deal with an hour's drive to Indiana? With a mind like mine, it's no wonder I can play complete songs in my head. How many enjoy a little "Kokomo?" Me, too!

But, seriously, do you know why gas prices are so high? A part of it is the Bush Administration's allowing gas companies to do whatever they feel like thanks to the Energy Policy. The rest is because of China. That damn country has seen just about all of its people give up bikes to drive so 1.3 million cars in Shanghai alone should not surprise you. It's going to get worse since China will grow another 10% soon.

Stop blaming Canada and start yelling at the Chinese!

I've found a gas station with a $2.88/gallon price while Chicago is at $3.19/gallon as of today. Crime, big city, and now gas prices keep me away from that smelly city that only has me loving their baseball team. Cubbies are hot so let's see some big foam fingers saying so as you put down those middle fingers.

Can I say another thing about this fantastic warm weather with a slight cool breeze? I AM SO FREAKING HORNY THAT I'VE STARTED STARING AT SODA MACHINE SLOTS. Oh, when I read about the abuse of steroids in which many bodybuilders were found molesting these things thanks to major horniness, it's started with me having unpleasant thoughts. Each morning finds me with a swollen penis in dire need of my girlfriend's attention. Can you imagine coming across a guy fucking something you just want to get a Coke from?

It's funny. I look at my arms and see all these veins sticking out. You may think that I'm difficult to satisfy but all I want is slow fingers exploring my arms, back, stomach, and, of course, that lower patch of naughtiness. You know I belong in Austria as even my out of control sexual thoughts have me wanting to explore Sara with my tongue. It's so hard to be me. 5 Yorkshire Terriers and a mouth that is proud to please make me a well-rounded guy. Just don't mention the fact that I liked The Dukes Of Hazzard.

- - 2009-07-07

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