I've no hatred for Nick Lachey, the former husband of Jessica "Get Me Daddy!" Simpson. In fact, I think he is a really nice guy from what I've seen in episodes of that dreaded MTV's Newlyweds. Nick always seemed to have a level head and bit his tongue over Jessica's need to shop. I'd be pissed off, too, if Sara bought panties that cost $700. Why? They're gonna come off anyway.

The one thing that I hate is how all this perfect timing brings out Nick's desire to tell us, his adoring public (or in this case, Rolling Stone) how Jessica divorced him. Here I was thinking how cool it is that he doesn't seem to use gossip that everyone wants to know for his own usage. Poop. I learned too much from reading that damn article. Nick lost it at 16?

It's just that all this hype of Nick Lachey's latest album gets a bit on my nerves. First of all, nice guy but just not interesting enough. Second, his music is bland and boring. Third, he cannot sing. All I can see Nick Lachey doing is construction work as I'm sure the ladies would prefer topless. Really nice guy but not singing wise.

That brings me to what I do like and it's all found in a woman's magazine. Sammy, I may be a Vogue man (all but temporary) to ya but Nylon got my attention thanks to a wait in the bookstore. Mischa Barton on the cover? What a dummy with no talent but that's not what I'm interested in.

Nylon has short interviews with porn stars and I must say that 2 are extremely hot. Blondes just don't get to me but brunettes.........hello, throbbing sausage, anyone? To show you how incredibly innocent I am to porn, I don't even know who these actresses are but here are the names. Heather Vaneven, Kimberly Kane, Jacqueline (Whoa! Love her style!), Aria Giovanni (I know her, though), Justine Joli, Emily Marilyn (Cutie!), and Jelena Jensen.

Now, why do I like these women more so now? Okay, this has a little to do with why I pretty much fell asleep during the Nick Lachey interview. All of these girls had little quips to say on various topics such as style and body hair removal. C'mon, that's so cool that after fucking 14 guys that a girl can get so comfortable in telling her trimming techniques.

This may sound stupid due to my innocense in regards to porn but I love interviews with porn stars. They are so much more open than movie stars and most rockers since these types of people hide behind publicists afraid of ruining an image. Porn stars let it all hang out and why not? You've seen their tits, pussies, asses, and schlongs before.......probably a couple hundred times due to rewinds or pauses as you get the lube out.

My girlfriend, Sara, loves Jenna Jameson. Why shouldn't she? Jenna has helped change the direction of porn by getting people to see that sex.......isn't really dirty, just the religious fucks that think so as they molest little kids or rub their dicks up and down barbwire after thinking "impure thoughts." I may not be attracted to Jenna but I sure as hell admire her, business-wise and for taking control of her name and image.

I'd have a field day with porn stars in regards to talking. Who doesn't love getting past the boring crap in talk: "Hi, how are you?" "What's your major?" It's best put in what my college friend, B, told me while I walked up the stairs with her.

"I love it in the ass."

Plus, the porn stars interviewed weren't the similar looking blondes with gigantic tits that I sure as hell don't want to see. These look like normal women that you'd walk by each day. Did you know that porn stars just might have a mortgage? Ron Jeremy flies a lot but always in coach. I swear I'd have a blast talking to Ron about different techniques in eating pussy like a champ.

Some of you like Suicide Girls and, yes, I know who they are due to my following them long before they became famous. It's too bad that that site was run by a complete ass of a man. Forget about all that as Joanna Angel makes her way to the table. A little heavy metal looking with tattoos and a gorgeous face. I likes and feel like Joanna would see to it that I get whipped after she bites my ass. There is something about a woman that doesn't stutter in telling the world that she loves it a rough ride in her ass.

What do you think? Do you see what I'm getting at? Blandness like Nick Lachey or the get to the good stuff of a porn star? A person wrote to me that she liked my diary because I don't fluff things in what I write about. Couldn't have said it better myself as I, too, like that in what I read. Who doesn't love to read about sex or know how others enjoy it?

That's not to say that everyone should get out there and type about last night's use of a cucumber or vibrator. Nosirree. What I'm talking about is how many times do you have to tell us how much you love your wife. It gets dull to hear "this I swear" hundreds of times when you're really thinking she has a nice set of hooters and no brain as that waitress at Applebee's seemed to as well. Even a song about farting contests would work. Go for it or practice your beefcake poses since you should do construction instead.

I got quite a laugh at a request that was made. Should I do an entry that would explain to someone Googlin' "How to fuck a woman doggy style?" While I thought about this in the gym to keep myself from getting bored, this does seem like a good point as the position itself is amusing. I've found from a lot of female friends that they love it from behind as it's not only the feeling she gets from a guy pumping away but also that dominance. Every woman should experience doggie style at least a couple hundred times.

"Never mind her cries of passion!
Give it to her doggie fashion!"

I love t-shirts that tell things like they need to be told. Don't you?

Oh, today? The usual Yorkshire Terrier roundup. All 4 of the dogs were fun to have outside with me as I finished working on getting the leaves in the back. Don't ask about the side since I still have much that I cannot get to yet.

My dogs are fun to have outside with me as they bark their approval ratings. It could be their disapproval of how much ass crack I accidently showed while bending down or they just want to let me know that I am needed to tackle on the ground. Whatever. Yorkies are very needy and I love 'em even if I prefer big dogs.

And the time for me to leave is near. I'll be off to Indiana soon as I hope gas prices do not reach $3 on that Thursday or Friday. It's tough when half your tank is pretty much finished in the round trip. How many wish we rode horses like the old days? How about prancing while pounding on coconuts as the troupe in Monty Python can do?

Knight: "How does a sparrow get a coconut to England?"

Well, I am outta here as my humor continues to sink to new depths. Doggie style in regards to my fantasy? Singers I hope to see drop like a stone in regards to album sales? Hoping that someone writes a song about farting contests? The only light at the end of the tunnel is that Pink Floyd's "Pulse" will be released on DVD near my birthday. The perfect concert: Pink Floyd ("On the Turning Away" and "Another Brick In the Wall"), The Who ("Baba O' Reilly!!), Guns N Roses (any song), Garbage ("Only Happy When It Rains"), Smashing Pumpkins ("1979"), Fiona Apple ("Criminal" and "Sleep To Dream"), and Debbie Gibson ("Foolish Beat"). Shut up. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07