*Answer at bottom*

I don't know about you but seeing animals do things you don't normally see is such a pleasant kick. While driving home from a workout that found me drenched, I noticed 2 objects moving quite fast in the front yard of a neighbor's house. It was a game being played by a large black bird and a large rabbit. I kid you not that they were playing a game of tag because the black bird would peck the rabbit and land for the rabbit to chase back. These 2 were playing this friendly game pretty good while I drove by.

Editor: "In other words, if bunnies and birds can get along, why can't we?"

So, I see from Parade's sudden decision to not put an overpaid celebrity on the cover, the American Dream is gone. Funny because I said that a long time ago in a diary entry, right? The middle class is struggling and now living paycheck to paycheck. Jobs, ones that are actually good jobs, are gone or India's got 'em because politicians think outsourcing is good since everything's cheaper (but we have no money to buy the shit since we're going hourly, assholes). Bush's decision to give the rich more tax breaks so that they spend or as it was called in the 80's "Trickle Down Effect" has never worked. Why would it work now?

Don't you hate it when I get all political on ya? I suppose you'd rather read my views on sex but I'm kind of on a rant because I forgot to watch Arthur Anderson (isn't he so dreamy and he's coming to my town!!!) on his show. Man, next to Bill Maher (I'd let Sara have hot monkey sex with him anyday since I get Keira, yo), this man has so much integrity it comes out of the wazhoo.

I don't watch much TV so I tend to forget what's on. Of course, I am saddened that my favorite female detective, Veronica Mars, is just about done. 3 episodes? Man, I've no clue as to the true killer(s) is. That's what I love, how you are so fucking clueless and then they show you how everything comes together because, hey, this show is so fucking smart with great characters. Even the sliminess of Logan can be fun. 3 more episodes? How am I gonna survive?

So, tomorrow just might be the final day I work on the nasty amount of leaves that have overtaken my yard, dead leaves all over due to us ignoring them last Fall. I almost felt like I was in a Prince video when the moths suddenly started flying all over from their dark hiding spots. Get it? Instead of those doves, I had moths. Does anyone see this or am I a true moron for going back to the 80's yet again?

Editor: "Or you could say that those moths just resemble what would happen if a man spread Joan Rivers's legs right before sex. Women that haven't gotten any in a while tend to have bats fly out of their twats. Get it? Joan Rivers is on Match.com (is that it?) and has never gotten a response. What type of guy is brave enough to deal with winged creatures of the night and, of course, the bats?"

Doing cardio is such a bitch and I tend to avoid it as much as possible. I don't know where I got this lazy since I used to run on the treadmill and loved how high it made me (but I never fell down, Sammy, but I did accidently fart once) after a good 25 minute run.

My friend with the crush on me is helping me get my ass in the cardio room. She gets me started by laughing at how low of a level I start at and then we start arguing over baseball teams and who's the bigger neat freak so all's good when I'm steamed after 15 minutes on the stairmaster wall. Trust me. Arguing gets the blood going and will help you pass the time faster.

All is good with her because I just need a good friend like her. We always say goodbye to each other before exiting the gym. Me, completely drenched thanks to my workout and too much body heat. Her, drenched all over thanks to her cardio work and workout. I can't believe I get along with a St. Louis Cardinals fan.

Editor: "There's a first time for everything and you need to get yo' ass on that treadmill, yo. I'm sure people around you will realize how much they miss the farts."

Damn, that gets to me. It was only 1 time and everyone around had on headphones so no one knew. Hoar has orgasms from walking on hers (lucky shit) while I'm promoting air biscuits. Man, I do not know how I'd be able to handle having orgasms while running on the treadmill. Such a mess I'd make.......

"Uh, boner? Is boner one of them?"

-Varsity Blues

Of course, I had to have another embarassing moment in HedgehoggyLand. Besides the sneeze attack I had while working outside thanks to discovering some mold, I walked down the hall of this house with major morning wood. Little did I know that my mother was coming up the steps and, yes, I saw those eyes realize why I was having trouble walking.

FYI: Walking and morning wood do not always go together if you are of the, uh, well-endowed club.

You girls can complain all you want about periods and how tampons/pads make you feel like you are walking around with a diaper but the glory of Spring/Summer morning wood sucks. Period. It wakes you up at the oddest of hours, namely too early, or you find it pressed up against your girlfriend (Sara, I can't control the damn thing, at times) when the last thing on your mind is some hot filthy sex when your breath smells worse than Osama's skid marks after another month in the cave with some sexy fine ass sheep.

One thing I've noticed is that I don't talk as much in the gym as I used to. Gay Nick, Will, and various others aren't around as much. I don't care if Slut Watcher doesn't make it in because I can do without the distractions but sometimes he's better than nothing. I miss my crew and hate how I only see one of the coolest lesbians in all the world, Nicole, very little now. Working out is so much better with all of them as we can laugh our asses off.

So, I hope y'all had a good day after I spent several of my finest moments sneezing. You know what, Sammy? I think it's pretty damn cool to disappear from your hometown for some time and then just show up. Must be kind of hard, too, since you see how people have changed for the better or worse. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07