-Inventing the Abbots

Hello. I am sitting here trying to figure out whether I wish to attend a wedding. The invitations to a town up north would find me sitting in a pew while a friend from college takes the plunge. Now, I met the groom, good guy and all, but the girl I knew in college I'm not liking.

So, should I go? The girl is pretty much an annoying pain in the ass that whines. It was all this and that for those years knowing her as the obvious two-face issues pop up. She's also one of those that was just happy to walk around with an engagement ring on her finger. Good thing that guy knew what was going on as that potential wedding was called off. The fun thing was reading the letter telling all the shit this girl did.

Bald-O has a different reason even if my annoyances are added to this effect. Never cock-block a boy. He will never forget a potential moment where there is a huge chance of sex. I don't know if you know about this but guys that have not had sex in a while tend to become complete male whorish trolls destined to lose some semen. Poor Bald-O was forced to sleep alone all because this girl told her friend to go home after she had told Bald-O about possibly staying the night.

The whole fucking story is hilarious and gets Bald-O all bug-eyed and angry. You all know the story of how his not having sex has made him into a total hound for it. Even Sara laughs by mentioning how Bald-O told me he has gotten this huge curiousity over what it is like to stick a finger in a girl's asshole. Boys that have not had sex in a while have what we like to call "semen-blockage" and that results in them not thinking straight.

As for the wedding, I have to notify by June 3rd. If this gives you any idea on how I feel, I can go many years without seeing this whiny girl but I do kind of want to see if any of the other college friends show up, namely the ones I have seen in a while. There's Scooter, his wife, and possibly............that's it. Sad to say that a lot of my old college chums look much different without the beer goggles.

However, I am not going to end this by dissing this girl I cannot stand. According to my roommates, she stayed with me the whole night I was trashed beyond anything I had ever been through. It was my big birthday night where I drank more than I'll ever figure out. Rum, beer, and shots made me bring up the old quote:

"No matter what. You will realize that tossing your cookies tells you you had peas and carrots even if you didn't eat 'em."

6 throw ups and off to bed I went on that amazing night. Mark, my good college buddy, still to this day does not know how I got my contacts out before passing out. He did forgive me for throwing up on his shoes in the bar. First time I was ever tossed out of a bar! Go me. This is where the Dirty Dancing's soundtrack starts playing "I've Had the Time Of My Life."

My notes page here on D-Land is getting longer and longer to show itself. I love how some of you have so much to say as I'll debate anything. Sammy, Hiss, Lu-Lu, Sara, Hoar, Zu-Zu, and so on are much appreciated. It seems that the news, today's issues, sex, Bush, love of TV shows, and vaginas bring about a lot of talk. Who knew twats can bring about so much discussion while I proclaim my love of them.

While on the treadmill, I got into a segment on the news program that the main deaf university has people protesting the woman now president of it. These deaf student say she is "not deaf enough." Why? The woman was born deaf but learned to speak yet didn't learn sign language til later in life. People really need to warrant their energy in protests elsewhere.

"Not deaf enough?" I've got a friend that considers herself "not black enough" because she hates black guys. Figure in the fact that she is black with 2 black kids that she adopted while there is this belief within her that black males are lazy thugs. I'm sure my black gym pals would love to hear this one.

In this day and age, you're not deaf enough, black enough, or white enough. What else is there? I can tell you that I'm not Australian enough since I've never done what they commonly do to top their pizzas. Eggs. Yes, eggs are the most common pizza topping in Australia.

*This is where Hedgie secretly fantasizes Australia's prize penis size queen, Hiss, running up to him with a large cheese/mushroom/green pepper/egg pizza in nothing but a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and stock whip*

My gym's main bodybuilder was interviewed for a segment to be shown on TV later this week. I'm curious about seeing this since I am nearby working out. Yes, yours truly was lifting a total of 100 pounds for his tired deltoids (shoulders) prior to hitting the treadmill.

To be fair, I am only kidding. I've been on TV 2 or 3 times and don't wish to experience it again. The bodybuilder, Frank, is a really nice guy that does an amazing job. You can tell his body is not pumped full of steroids like some of the others. Plus, Frank has no massive ego that one has to stroke in order to be on his good side. Some of the bodybuilders do not like me because I just don't give a fuck about kissing ass.

On bodybuilding, I have been around a lot of these types of guys. They certainly have a weird world in spending so much time lifting heavy weights and then setting them down. The grunting and straining might give some girls an idea as to what bodybuilders might be like in bed, as fantasies go. In some ways, these types of people have to have huge egos to help keep them going.

There are hundreds of reasons why I would never want to be a bodybuilder. Sure, I have the potential due to genetics but it's not my thing. I like to eat normal type food and exercise on my time while not feeling like I have to burn all the calories in the toast I ate at 9am. I enjoy sex so I'll tell you a secret. Many bodybuilders, namely the steroid-free ones, lose interest big time thanks to the major change in diet prior to a contest. No lovin', girls, since the boys need their energy elsewhere.

Plus, bodybuilders look ridiculous. Ever seen one walk? It's like they are on an invisible horse and you just have to bring up the old Monty Python sketch from The Search For the Holy Grail. "Where are your coconuts?" Frank has some very large thighs and walks this way all the time so you can picture me with the giggles. Nice guy but walks like he's on a horse.

Yeah, I know some of you girls might fantasize on being bedded by a guy like Frank. Just keep on dreaming because those dicks stay shriveled up due to an extremely low fat diet. I'm not sure if it's the production of semen or testosterone but who can blame them. Being up on stage in front of thousands while wearing little teeny-weeny bikini briefs does not bring about the accidental erection. Those guys, like I told you before, are the ones on steroids and a overload of testosterone being relieved by fucking soda machines. Yes, this is a true story of guys relieving themselves with Sprite.

"I like the Sprite in you!"

So, I bid you all a great weekend. This weather looks absolutely frightening as I have witnessed many wearing coats. Cold, cold night as it's just about Cass's last day in the gym with me. Like I said, I'm gonna miss her on Monday while I have to walk amongst certain guys that gallop on by. Sammy, email me when you wish as you know I can talk to you forever. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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