-Mallrats

You know the age old question that goes along asking you what is the greatest spice in life? In other words, what is it that makes life worth all the shit we go through? I thought about that and came up with my own answer that will probably be different than yours, a cold beer in front of the television in hopes that all participants suddenly blow up on American Idol.

A bath, a long hot bath in which I just sink there. Toes become all old-like as all aches and pains from the treadmill's cruel humor play out on me. That's what makes life worth it all.

Showers could be substituted in all this as well since some of you are more into showers than baths. That's pretty much all I could think about after my 15-minute run/walk while sweat kept pouring down my face. Never mind the enormous thunderstorms spreading huge amounts of rain. It was friggin' hot while I waited to cool down thanks to the fact that I forgot to wear my bandana during the run.

I'm preparing to leave for Indiana. C'mon, you knew I was about to leave at some point. It's like magic is in the air thanks to this X-Men sequel making its loud voice known. A large crowd (or "herd") of nerds, geeks, dorks, losers, Napolean Dynamite lookalikes, and me find our way into a dark auditorium in hopes that our imaginations will be lifted. Either that or the fat comic book obsessed will not stand up and tell all of us that scene after scene is not in the comics.

Audience: "What would Wolverine do?"

While picking up comics, I came across my usual group and, once again, debated with worry as to what will happen in this X-Men sequel. When I mentioned that I could just download the movie, the nerd told me a big flat "no!" Why? According to him, we flatchested (me, flatchested?) womanly-challenged (again, me, womanly-challenged?) must support this flick as best we can, namely in dollars. The more the studios see raking in will further green light other movies inspired by comic books.

Well, this big man-tittied doofus sees that the nerd has a good point. While I detest what Hollywood does to a lot of comics (The Joker did not kill Bruce Wayne's parents nor did he have Viki Vale over to the Batcave), I do like the occasional stuff produced, namely, Spiderman and Batman Begins. As far as Ghost Rider, Nicholas Cage's big movie for next summer, I have low hopes.

Editor: "Well, can we talk about the Green Goblin's outfit in Spiderman? It looked like Kmart could do a better job."

Speaking of comic book movies, I am just about wrapped up with Bloodrayne, a comic I love due to, once again, a tough chick with weapons defending the world from vampires. That kind of theme just screams for me to unzip my pants but the movie has all the elements of what make me cringe (or cry, whichever comes first). You've got bad dialogue, horrible fight scenes that look like a high school worked on, dull costumes, and even the blades are not sharp on the tips. Even Ben Kingsley looks like he wants to take a nap all while playing the worst of the worst in vampires.

I'm also just about finished with my book on 2 girls spiraling out of control (is there any other type in books these days?) thanks to drugs and the influence of punks in California. So, are all punks bad? I don't think going to a Bad Brains concert is going to cause a cocaine addiction but, then again, these girls were lost ever since they started learning to fuck thanks to artists. Sculptors appreciate the female form but tend to not put much heart into their fucking, I guess.

Anyway, it's a nice book, this "Pretty Little Dirty," by Amanda Boyden. You start in middle school where Lisa's mom has to be sent to a psychiatric ward so she then pretty much moves into her best friend's priviledged life. Good grades but then drugs become a way of life only to end up in Venice. That's the part I'm at now as we scour the streets with some punks. I loved the reference to The Red Hot Chili Peppers need to only wear socks on their cocks as they played in San Francisco since I knew who they were a long time ago.

So, I get this little push to talk of handjobs but I'm so mushed out. I've yet to pack and my brain needs to decompress a bit with all the information thrown at me as to the latest problems in Washington. That Democrat caught with $90,000 cash in the freezer scares me in how they are losing their abilities to beat those damn Republicans. Plus, Hilary Clinton making a run in 2008? Yuck.

I'll give you this much in regards to handjobs for a teaser due to the fact that I like to be more awake when speaking on such a sexual subject. There are handjob parties where various couples get together. It's not exactly what you think but more along the lines of women wanting to brag about how far their husbands can squirt. Seriously.

Women will have their dudes lined up while they kneel next to them to stroke. I'm sure that this is what we men all dream of, to stand there completely naked and chat away while women pretty much milk us like cows just so we get bragging rights on how far our semen can go.

The scene: A row of naked hairy men with their penises being shaken in a mad-like fury thanks to various women on their knees. We come across 2 40-year-old males in conversation, Tim and Bob.

Tim: "Hey, how ya doin', Bob? Those Cubs sure aren't doing that great this year. Gosh, that girlfriend of yours down there looks like she's about to collapse."

*Bob looks down*

Bob: "Yeah, I'll be fine with the Cardinals...........uh.....,oh, god. FREAKIN'.............that's what I was thinkin' *breathes deeply*....man, I need a little rest now. Measured at 4 feet? Damn, I did better last week."

*Bob's girlfriend is now passed out on the floor after over 10 minutes of giving the most powerful handjob she's ever given.*

Actually, I find handjob parties kind of funny and, no, I've never been to one, just seen pictures and heard about these things. People like to make a competition about anything so how far a guy can squirt his load will be a major possibility. Shouldn't really surprise you since we've had various gangbangs where women take more than 500 different men within a time limit. Wonder how far I can shoot............

So, I'm sorry for postponing my handjob discussion til later. I'm just too tired out and in need of finishing some things prior to taking off for Indiana. You know the story. Boy misses girl and can't wait to see her. Things happen thanks to Boy not having seen Girl in a while. Snoring and various signs of goofiness abound. Of course, I'd love to know your thoughts on handjobs if you'd like to tell me. Just remember to use some kind of lubrication on the lad's cock since without pretty much feels like rugburn. Down there, it's especially painful, k? Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07