-Office Space

To tell you the truth, I'm not sure why I went on a rant last night when it comes to the topic of sex education. Little by little to just a few minutes ago, I realized that what I was taught hurt me inside when it comes to just that topic we all care about, sex. You really had to have been there in how I needed a very strong woman to debate with me in order to turn my eyes away from all the brainwashing installed in me when it comes to the fact that women love sex just as much as us guys do. There's more but I don't want to get into all that as it's a long story.

Is it any wonder I have a real weird tingling hatred for nuns or at least the ones that closed me off in some ways. We'd laugh at people that talked openly about masturbation or the enjoyment of fetishes, things I found disgusting. I'm always curious as to whether other people were as fucked up as I was.

There aren't many fetishes within me. I'm pretty simple in that I enjoy seeing knee high multi-colored socks on girls for some odd reason but I don't get all hard over this. Same as with how much I love ponytails. They're just things I enjoy here and there in sight. Everyone has fetishes so just go on with your nasty selves and enjoy them to your heart's content. Hell, I never thought I'd be as fond of being bitten as I discovered last year.

The one fetish I truly cannot understand no matter how hard I try is Furries. I'm sure you've heard of them at some point thanks to their rise in numbers due to people announcing their love of this. It's basically people that like to have sex while wearing large costumes of things similar to what a mascot would wear. They'll be completely naked underneath, a woman wearing a large basset hound outfit while the man wears something that resembles Pac-Man. I kid you not. My guess is that I'd be too busy laughing and I prefer the feeling of a girl's skin as to why I'd never do this.

FYI: That does not mean I am renouncing the fact that I'd love to wear a large banana costume in the park. That, thankfully, will always be.

So, how do you get a boy to jump up and down? Get him into contact with another boy that also loves The Sopranos. This Sunday is the Season Finale as all 13 episodes are done, finished, and added up to find out who's gonna come out alive. It's always been that a Sopranos ender will find 1 major character dead so I can't hide the fact that I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl in heat.

My ex-boss is the other guy that can't wait for Sunday night's Sopranos finale. Of course, I had to stop by today to see him and discuss who we think is gonna bite the bullet. Add that to the fact that Doug wanted to know who was going to be in the newest Playboy Magazine and we, folks, have manly talk from me. Sometimes, I miss the old days of cussing, scratching, and wearing a number on my back.

Work. Not many want to do it. With enough time off, you miss it as I do. There's always lots of drama and kooky characters in my old job that brought about nightly discussions within this tight group I work with. Just like high school, there are outcasts and bullies with the occasionally shunned. Amazingly, I never mentioned the alibino girl I worked with every now and then.

But everyone loved the drama! Stinky's still around but Ugly is long gone. I'm hoping she comes back and chases Stinky again. I've never seen a 30-something year-old woman give a guy a note and then run off like a hippo gone berserk. I don't think I ever even did something similar in school:

Check One-

Do you like me? Yes. No.

So, what does a girl gotta do to get the attention of a boy? Many would say to wear very revealing clothing but not with me. It's best if she wears things that cause me to wonder. For instance, tomorrow, I am wearing my Japanese t-shirt that says: "Beware Of Perverts." Believe it or not, this is an actual sign found on subways in Tokyo because various men on board tend to cop a feel.

I'll give you an example in how to get this eccentric talking. A friend of mine named Polly used to wear this unbelievably funny shirt to work out in. I just had to ask her about it when I didn't even know her. The t-shirt read: "I Prefer Dicks To Hooters." In case you don't know what this actually refers to it's an old battle of a girl that likes Dick's seafood restaurant over the Hooters. Cute idea of a shirt, no?

So, the moral of this is that a good way of getting someone's attention or drawing a guy like me to talk to you is to wear something that invites conversation, be it controversial or intellectual, just do it. Just don't run away like a hippo with diarrhea and you'll be fine.

I've spent too much time on the 'Net looking up old Italian Eurotrash horror films. There's something about weird movies that get to me and you can always count on Lucio or Dargento to cause conversation. Phenomenom is still one of my favorite confusing slasher/bug films that starred a young Jennifer Connelly.

Of course, trolling around on the 'Net also invites weird facts here and there about other horror films. Did you know you get to see Christian Bale's willy in the newest version of American Psycho? I'm sure some of you will be at the video store tomorrow and fast forwarding to that famous chainsaw scene where it's found. The Bale does it all, becomes the Batman, skinnies himself up, can play an English settler, and will raise his chainsaw to show ya that he is all male.

*Somewhere out there, I'm sure an Aussie applauds*

- - 2009-07-07

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