-What we used to sing to our friends that were having birthdays.

No, no one is having a birthday.....yet. It's just that I kept mumbling this tiny song to myself all day. The reason for all that is because Sara's birthday is coming up and I, being as sneaky as I am, have found 50% of what I want to do. Most people hate finding birthday gifts but it's a challenge that I enjoy accepting.

FYI: My birthday is.....*ahem*...September 6th. I will not be here as this is the time period designated for the road trip to Atlanta just like last year. More on that when the time gets closer.

Today was not a good day in Yorkyville (population: 5) thanks to 2 of them throwing up all day. Jethro did about 5 piles while Ellie-Mae came in second with 1. Ugh. If you're a pet owner, it's kind of a given on cleaning up puke. Then again, if you are in college, it's also a given when you have a roommate that enjoys spending too much time in bars. I know. I did it 6 times on my birthday thanks to beer bonging rum.

But it's when those big eyes on those little hairy bodies that make you forgive your dogs for those massive amount of puke you cleaned up. I'm looked up to while I work on my parents' landscaping. I guess there is something about a large man wearing a "Yahoo Chocolate Drink" t-shirt and carrying large shears that sparks a need to watch. 1 of the 2 males is neutered so this may be a worry for 1 of them.

Editor: "Balls are, like, so important to a guy, yo."

"Nobody disses mah Teddy Grahams."

-Samantha

Totally agree as Meijers has a sale on them this week. 2 for $4 so get your groove on and head on out to eat up those tasty little bears found in cinnamon, honey, and chocolate. 1 box of mine is just about gone as I can go through a whole one in less than a day. It's a problem when you have a fast metabolism and the dogs insist on stealing the Cheetos. Orange noses are such dead giveaway like chronic masturbaters can't hide the fact that they, sometimes, eat Cheetos while strokin' away.

I'm gonna take back what I said, Sammy. Maybe old people having sex isn't so bad after all. Sure, the orgasmic facial expressions on them make you think they are relieving themselves of those prunes but my buddy, Old Nick, got me thinking. At 60something years of age, this guy looks about 40 thanks to his impressive workouts in my gym. The results speak for themselves since this guy gets honked at while on his walks by not the senior citizens from my lovely town but college girls.

Old Nick is such a hoot to know. Each Sunday I spend in the gym, I come across him. He could be anywhere in my gym but I'd easily know just by that hat and his small stature. Old Nick knows what he's doing in my gym, more than I can say for most old people that just want to sit around and masturbate while dunking Oreos.

I mentioned last night the fact that I saw a video taken in Iraq by our Forces. It's wasn't just any ol' video but one to help find insurgents only to show how horny Iraqis get. A donkey!?! Oh, poor donkey. Where is Shrek when you need him most to fight off these smelly people that insist their dicks are tasty carrots?

I've noticed that bestiality has been on the rise. Is this some new sex thing I'm just not understanding? Thanks to too much news coverage of what is going on, I've read stories of people breaking into barns only to be caught with their pants down with sheep, cattle, or the occasional horse. Donkeys just aren't as popular here, I guess, since guys like a quiet gal during romantic moments like this. One of those caught was a cop. Now how do you explain sex with sheep and throw in a 21 Jump Street episode to make it seem better? Going undercover just aint as easy anymore when the livestock start to get more suspicious.

I don't know. Sex with animals? Just how fucked up do you have to be to look at our 4-legged friends as sexual objects? Does his/her video selection consist of Rob Schneider's The Animal (yes, I laughed) and a calendar of sexy mutts instead of Hooters? When you're with someone that does this kind of thing, I'd get suspicious if he/she mumbles how he's gonna "get that bitch in heat" as a 4-legged critter walks by.

There was a large ring of individuals that started a sex orgy at a farm only to be taken in by the authorities. Hooray for cops posing as underage sheep while on the 'Net! You go, ewes.

*Slaps self*

I so need to stop here before I start telling even worse jokes, only to show the torture I am going through. As much as I'd like to, I really shouldn't go finish off that box of Teddy Grahams. Don't laugh but I always eat 'em straight from the box while walking around. Once you start with that honey goodness, you just can't stop. Teddies in mah tummy is how life goes.

Oh, and as for the run, just super! I'm hoping that my body will be trained enough to the point that running will one day become natural. I've always envied people that can just run all over the place or how joggers can go so far without keeling over. I may not want to run 30 miles a day but I do like to achieve that runner's high that occasionally happens while on the treadmill.

So, I'll get back to the topic of sex and all that jazz soon while I figure out when I'm taking off for Sara's. It'll be this weekend but whether it's July 1st or 2nd is what the debate is about for me. Good grief, I'm gonna be driving all over the fucking place since Bald-O insists I find my ass down south to visit him as well. Those Brokeback cries over the fact that I'll miss his family's bash for the first time in 3 years was so sad. My best friend is in touch with his feelings, huh? Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07