-Nacho Libre

Nothing like watching a good cowboy movie after another fucktabulous workout. Somehow watching Robert Duvall get a herd of horses and 5 Chinese girls to move 800 miles makes my 16 minutes on a treadmill feel like nothing. Even better was when my dad explained to me that he used to wipe his ass the same way cowboys did back then, with what they call "therapeutic tissue."

FYI: My dad will not be allowed to watch movies with me ever again.

Little Jethro, my buddy, went to the vet today. 5 throw-ups yesterday brought all this on so he was leashed up and into the van. Cute dog, very shy, but loves to go the vet's for some odd reason. It's every month that Jethro has to have his blood tested to see that he's still okay after that surgery from over a year ago. When your dog gets Irritable Bowel Syndrome, he'll waste away. Jethro was barely at 2 pounds when that happened.

My mom and I are complete pet lovers (no, not in the way those naughty Iraqis, Habib and Geritol, were with Donkey) so we just had to bring donations with us. Well, it was just me that loaded up all these bed spreads and blankets. Dogs and cats get cold at night, yo.

Out of all the times I've been to the vet's, I never noticed that they had a cat sanctuary like thing where a boarded cat will be sent out. It's so nice I'd want to be boarded. Cats have a small bucket where water shoots up (what cat doesn't like that?) and lots of small trees to climb and throw feces at other cats. Even Jethro took the time to watch a black and white cat walk around the enclosure.

Oh, Jethro is so fucking hot looking (Again, NOT in THAT way, you assholes) because girls just cannot stop getting down on their knees to pet him. You can be the hottest college girl around with big ol' boobies but my dog will still cower behind my legs. 2 out of the 5 dogs are so shy that they just cannot lap up all this attention they deserve. It could be that Jethro would rather wear his favorite t-shirt ("Country Boy") instead of feeling so naked.

Of course, Jethro is okay. 5 pukes were just a result of the stomach bug. Buffy and Ellie-Mae has it as well. 3 of my spreads had to be cleaned but my dogs are totally worth it.

Am I the only one that thinks BET keeps trying to start feuds between rap stars? During my cowboy movie (Broken Trail), I dabbled in watching The Game and 50 Cent throw disses at each other. If you gave these guys each a box of Teddy Grahams, things would be solved and all of us can feel safe while walking on the sidewalks in our rich suburbs.

Cheerleaders. Where would we be without these dancers gone retarded? I, for one, love to break out in my moves that my cheerleading ex-girlfriend taught me. Don't know why. An ex-cheerleader came up to me to ask how I learned all that. I had to explain that at 4am, when you are fucking out of your mind, there's no booze, it's college, and you've had strange sex in a dorm room, you ask this girl you just had sex with to show you some "real talent." I still have no idea why I did this but I did.

I'm tired and I like that. Running on the treadmill for 15 minutes has helped me sleep like a baby, something I missed for so long. My body clock used to awaken me at all hours, 3am, 4am, or just at times far too early for me to be awake. I never got much sleep. But now? I'm out til around 7am and, while that's still a little too early, I enjoy not waking up in the 2am or 3am zone.

I'm wondering if my body is addicted to this new sleep pattern because I don't pass out with Sara anymore. It used to be where I'd immediately be out like a light. I'd stare up at the ceiling or watch any sorts of shadows to help keep my mind off not sleeping.

Maybe I'm becoming what I envy in C, running with the wolves. These people can just take off anywhere, even though the woods suit them best. I may not be a true runner yet but a part of my body could crave running somewhere to satisfy some type of urge in order to get it into a resting state. You see, I'm really high once get a 30-minute rest after a run but it slowly disappears til I feel like all I wanna do is sleep. I don't think I've ever slept better.

What's weird is that, yes, there is that burn coming from my ass on how worked it's getting. It's just that there is another one coming from my upper right shoulder as if that, too, is getting a major workout. As long as I can keep mah man tits (or "pecs") in my wife beater, I'm fine. Would you believe I wear an XX-Large? I kind of look like a basketball player thanks to big baggy Air Jordan shorts, high tops, a wife beater, and a bandana. It's no wonder the black body builders love me. I represent my hood's rich need of pathetic white boys that bring out cheerleading moves.

Is it any wonder why I ask myself if I am retarded? Just to make sure, ya know.

So, I'm outta here where I lick my lips over tomorrow's release of Milla Jovovich's "Ultraviolet." Weird movie where vampires are being frowned upon by regular people. Pity. I'd go for the fanged teeth if I could flip swords like Milla. Ask me about my dream of being a werewolf to rid this world of murderers and rapists..........then we'll really talk. No more doggie style. We're doing it "werewolfy" after some major trimming. Boys don't like massive bushes so girls have a right to call foul as well. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07