-Masters Of Horror's Deer Woman description of a flick where a woman that turns into a deer kills men that have boners.

I dunno. I just thought that the tagline on the back of the DVD was funny. As much as I hate how Hollywood is running out of ideas on what to put before our eyes, something like this brings me hope that those with antlers can take back the night from horny hunters. Could it be my distaste at seeing dead deer on the side of the road while driving on southern roads?

Editor: "Could your girlfriend, Miss Bunnicula, be haunted by killer rabbits after running over one almost 2 weeks ago? Look away! Look away!"

So, the news. There's lots to report today as I've been a busy boy. While doing my best not to throw-up on the treadmill thanks to being very dehydrated, the announcement from J.K. Rowling on the new Harry Potter book got my fancy. She's said to kill off 2 characters and I've got a good idea as to whom will get the axe. Of course, I am not one to voice my opinion on the subject but it certainly does cause a debate amongst us old folks over the age of 15.

Flag burning. Where do you stand? As a kid growing up, I took an incredible distaste towards those that can just burn the American flag without feeling any disdane for what they are doing. I was installed to believe in protecting the flag since our forefathers did so with their lives.

Now? Although I admit to a small amount of anger, I'm fine with flag burning. There's a lot of resentment churning within me thanks to how America is being run into the ground by conservatives out of control. Just today, one lashed out about Al Gore's documentary on global warming. What does it take for these people to realize that their destruction of the Earth is taking our right to breathe clean air!?! And all you have to say on this is a 2-day debate on flag burning while nya-nyaing Gore?

It's possible that I take it personal when it comes to global warming. The large amount of hurricanes that seem to keep happening due to the temps increase in the ocean just don't seem to warrant much in our government. Bush has allowed whatever CEOs want when it comes to pollution from their plants and even took away all the fines leveled at them for damaging land and water. Sad. Burn the flags, boys. It pisses off Republicans that forget what America is about.

As I said before, this will be my first time in 4 years that I will miss Bald-O's annual bash to celebrate the 4th. All that southern style where people bring their kids and sit on their large asses to talk Nascar or whose tit is hanging out of a tank top is good for us northerners. I always joke with Bald-O that people from down there are just discovering the phone after many years of the Pony Express.

What happens at Bald-O's? Think of 40 acres of gorgeous land where, on a large hill, many people will gather. Picnic tables and lawn chairs will be all around as large chunks of meat are kept warm (or from flies) by that crinkly shiny stuff I've forgotten the name just now (I hate it when this happens). The large camper is basically the place for the women (or "female-folk") to pee in privacy.

You guessed it! We dudes (or "male-folk") just live for whipping out our peckers and pissing on trees. On a hill, this is awesome but you must keep your balance. In some places, you could fall over and end up spraying yourself. That's not good and could ban you from social activities. Penises rock and squatting sucks even though I have seen a girl bend over to pee on a wall once.

There is no drinking. Bald-O's parents forbid it big time but, once everyone is gone, we bring out the hidden stash of Natty Light. Drinking usually starts around 10pm or so since people with full bellies tend to take longer at getting up. In other words, nobody wants to admit that major farting is going to happen. Doing this around fireworks can cause accidents in southerners.

Of course, I enjoy being a part in the fireworks. After almost losing my thumb to a M-100 thanks to my brother's stupidity that I am not going to discuss here, I find them mildly amusing. Bald-O's little brother goes to Indiana to pick up about $150 worth since Illinois bans them. Me, I'll be bent over lighting off bottle rockets from my butt since the kids love this. Unfortunately, I do get scolded by Bald-O's mom. Happiness is not a warm asshole.

But to be serious, I love how Bald-O's family is very close. There's a lot of people to meet and they all pretty much know me by now. The grandparents always seem to like my wicked smile here and there. I can look clean-cut but I know enough on how far I can be goofy with them. Bald-O's dad loved how I behaved at the bachelor party since all males have this fantasy where a stripper sits on their face. Mine rubbed her piercing on my nose. EVERYONE in Bald-O's family brings this up on each visit.

Yes, I came dangerously close to throwing up while running on the treadmill today. There are times I need to be reminded to drink water as I only had 1 cup. Stupid me as I normally go for 4 or 5 prior to a workout since I sweat so much out of me even when I'm in front of a fan. Me throwing up while working out would remind me to call it "Pulling a Beckham."

FYI: England is my team.

Did you see that, though? When England beat Ecuador 2 days ago, Beckham did his signature kick where he bends the ball into the goal. Once the game was over, he bent down to throw up thanks to the heat. I still do not understand why soccer is considered to be so weak when it's one of the most difficult sport I've ever played. Then again, I was chubby and a girl knocked me down to pound on my ribs. Girls interested in me can be so dangerous.

Gawd, I am so dying for sex right now. While I may have felt like shit several hours ago, I'm just wanting to eat pussy and play with it. For some reason, I keep thinking about my amazement that it has these muscles to keep a person from taking his/her fingers out. It is kind of weird that I can be aroused and fascinated by the female anatomy but that's me. The vagina, with all its complications, has so much to be vocal about and I'm so wanting to eat Sara out.

Can you do that? I've always been scatching my head over pussy muscles. Pictures of women that can walk around with Coke bottles inside them make me wonder how strong mine would be if I were suddenly a girl. Of course, I'd make sure all that the bottles would be clean of sugar since I'd hate to have a U.T.I. I can talk "female" since I have to deal with so many diary entries on the loveliness of having a period.

So, I'm outta here to finish Ultraviolet, the extended cut (running 94 minutes) and plan my Saturday leave to Indiana. That's the day so far as I pass by a large fireworks warehouse each time. Funny how you grow up eventually but you don't mind lighting other people's fireworks. I hate being so fucking horny and Mila Jovovich is kicking ass in tight pants that accentuate that ass. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07