-"She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby

Do you know what Japanese beetles are? As best as I can describe them, they're pretty much these large shiny green beetles about as big as a person's thumb. They can cause a lot of havoc in their desire to destroy trees so it's not great that I cam across 3 of them first thing this morning. The first one was a dead one lying on the wooden deck while the next was a large one that flew around and disappeared underneath. The final one came onto my car's windshield only to be sent flying off by my wipers. When a bug flies............

Japanese beetles have been all over the place. It's not just today but each time I've gone out into the backyard to work on something I've come across a dead one or live ones flying around. They're like drunk bugs in how they fly since Japanese beetles will ricoche off of whatever object is in front of them in flight. Could be why they named them Japanese since men in that country are known to get completely wasted and hope someone drags them home, the correct home hopefully.

FYI: If I had to drop off a chum from work for the upteenth time, they will be found face down in a gay disco with their pants off as I insist on everyone becoming artists by drawing whatever comes to mind with markers. Either that or I'll tie them to a tree and hope the squirrels show their nuts.

Apparently, I make guys jealous. Not only do I not have to buy protein shakes to keep my weight up or muscles tight but I cause guys to hate how much attention I get in the gym when it comes to girls. This is nothing new as I've touched on it lightly before but I love the look on Slut Watcher's face as this happens.

Tonight, my gym was graced with the presence of one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. The eyes, body, and friendliness was so spot on that I swear that I had a great time chatting away with her. It was all because she and I had to share a piece of equipment as both of us were working our chests.

I'd feel like a bastard to tell you this in such a way but there is no other way of putting it. The girl kept looking at me throughout her previous workout but I shrugged it off. Could be the itchy small red splatches on my legs from shaving them a few days ago. I'm nothing to look at but proud of my blue eyes. What would the most beautiful girl in the gym want with me?

"I have a girlfriend."

While many guys in the gym were looking at me talking to this girl not known for talking to anyone, I blurted out these words. Why not? I adore Sara even if a pair of beautiful brown eyes are looking at me quite deeply. Hell, I even talked a little about my girlfriend and learned that this very pretty girl has a boyfriend. From the way she talked, I don't think she's happy with him.

You know Slut Watcher. Yeah, the guy that loves looking up girls' shorts or drooling at they bend over. His whole act is to come into the gym and immediately ask where the prettiest girls are. Slut Watcher was so jealous as he stared while I talked to this girl. One of the best things was when he first caught sight of her, nice flimsy shorts with a shirt that revealed small breasts and very toned tummy. Poor Slut Watcher drooled the whole time he was in the gym.

Now just what does a guy tell the most gorgeous girl in the gym about his girlfriend? If you guessed that night in the strip joint, you, my friend, deserve a fresh box of Teddy Grahams. Plus, I told her that it's almost 1.5 years while the guy she's been seeing is only around a week. Add in my need to tell her how I've been testing the treadmill with bare legs and you get giggles.

I get shit for this. With guys, it's hell but girls find it endearing how I look opportunity in the eye but ignore it. I'm just not one to cheat or whatever term you use. My dad cheated on my mom so end of story. No way. No how.

How's the strip joint any different? It was just a goofy time and, yes, Sara did mention how one girl seemed most interested while feeling my upper body while gyrating to a song. Funny how I didn't notice it as much until Sara pointed it out. It must be some kind of vibe that I put out in which I am trustworthy and warm enough to be around. Whatever this girl saw in me, I'll never know.

As for the guys in my gym, it is funny to see jealousy when all they would have to do is just talk to a girl. It's not that bad and, yes, even I get a little nervous at times. Slut Watcher, all he does is just stare and drool. While it's obvious no one is going to go home with him thanks to his ideal on women being nothing more than sex toys, he doesn't take care of himself. Women want more than a guy that gets drunk and obsesses over football. Am I right?

Plus, I'm so girl friendly that a female friend nearly made me fall down the stairs when she told me that she loves a hard dick up her ass. That was my first moment where I found out that anal sex might be losing its taboo.

Enough of all this pompuous shit! I have a problem. Teddy Grahams do not last in this fucking house thanks to moi. Ah eat 'em so fast that it takes me about 2 days to go through a box. That's good because it used to be 1 box per day. It's those honey Teddy Grahams that drive me up the wall as I love honey. When I was little, my mom used to put honey on my "saucy." Ask her since she loves to tell that story of how I'll walk around the house with the damn thing in my mouth all the time and then ask for more honey.

It's funny seeing another side to my visit to the strip joint thanks to Sara telling her views. As much as I'd like to tell you I saw the complete version where my girlfriend whipped out her tits for the lads, alas I can only say that I saw the final portion as the stripper sucked on them. The guys looked over at me with the is-he-gonna-be-mad-or-proud? What do you think? I'm all for nudity but the best part was seeing Sara's friend that came home from Iraq's face. Boy's jaw dropped so low you could put 10 titties in it.

FYI: I have been warning as many people as possible not to see the Pirates Of Carribean sequel. One person that did found it just slightly better than I so I've yet to find one that will exclaim, "That was the best fucking movie......EVER!" How it made so much money I'll never know since Superman Returns was so much better thanks to the heart put into it.

So, how am I? Still waiting for my leg hair to grow back. There's only a slight difference in feel when it comes to my run on the treadmills but I do enjoy the cool feel it provides. My shin splints haven't surfaced as they used to so it's possible that area of my leg is much stronger. I am, after all, 5 pounds heavier. I'm surprised since this time of year is just about impossible to put on any weight.

As for other things, I've been getting a kick out of reading info on what it's like to work in the porn industry. The female directors have much higher standards for the boys as they insist on more massive cum shots. Apparently, the more a girl's face is covered in it the better. Ew. It's all treated as a business so it's no wonder good old fashioned sex is boring.

I'm outta here as I know I owe some emails to few people. Tomorrow is a possible day to send 'em since I'm not sleeping thanks to the heat. Mornings are very early now as I find myself outside around 6am with a glass of orange juice and 5 dogs trying to take shits. Lovely day in Illinois as the dogs tell me how they really feel and I feel a little sexy while they do this. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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