-Clerks 2

I've had a weird day that has me racking my brain over something Sara stated in an employment application she filled out. I'm not going to steal her thunder by telling y'all what it is but instead give you an idea with one I had. If you've ever been under the consideration of a major employer like Wal-Mart or the testing site I applied for earlier this year, you might know what I'm talking about.

Long ago, I worked for Wal-Mart, one of the worst places I've ever had to slave away for. They wanted me for a management position. You know the type, looks like he walks around for 12 hours and a day and goes home to microwaved meals only to return again promptly at 6am. Things came to an odd conclusion when I was chased by a 36-year-old woman that wouldn't get it through her head that I wasn't interested in her.

1). I was in a relationship, an unstable one but it was there.

2). The woman looked like she had done ever drug in the book while eating Oreos and shitting all over herself. What would a young sexy boy like myself want with that?

Long story short, I get called into the office to deal with complete drivel that this woman accuses me of. Instead of fighting an idiotic battle with a boss that was so nasty, I just quit. It's a long story but that's not the point.

Ever seen Wal-Mart's employment application? It's scary, real scary. What this 3-page paper does is ask you questions that tell about your personality with "A," "B," and "C" answers. The words "Mostly Agree" or "Strongly Disagree" will be your most likely choices depending on how much you pay attention.

"We have the right to publically humiliate a shoplifter."

How do you feel about that question? Okay, I chose "Strongly Disagree" due to the fact that any area that deals with the law is just that, with the law. Wal-Mart has no right to get into it in regards to that. It's just a business while the courts deal with things, kind of like how I wish church and state would be seperate.

When I was asked about this by a Wal-Mart representative, I stated my case. This was after the guy looked at me with a look that was of "How could you? We want to nail this bastard!" I still laugh at all this since this little 130 pound man wanted to look at me, almost 200 pounds, with as much menace as possible.

In case you don't know, Wal-Mart does do its best to publically humiliate people and takes the law into its own hands ever now and then. Just ask people that work there. One of my friends is forced to and hates every minute he is ordered to do the "Wal-Mart Chant." It's like Bald-O told me after he worked there for many years:

"They're like a cult, man."

Now, I'm not just talking about Wal-Mart but of a lot of weird questions on employment applications that I've noticed over the years. It's strange with how these companies are trying to know your so-called "personality" when it's really just stupidity. My favorite one is where I was asked about killing my parents. Seriously.

Employment is just hell. Today, I watched 2 sets of managers, one at the bank and the other at my old workplace. The bank's had a guy just sitting in his office doing nothing, not a goddamn thing while everyone around was constantly doing something. Many times I enter my bank, I see this guy hardly doing a thing, just chatting away with friends or whatever.

My old workplace, something I mysteriously miss, will find me there soon. Now, my boss, Doug, is a great guy but kind of a fool. While we are ordered to keep busy all the fucking time, even if there is nothing to do, he has moments where he doesn't do shit. Today, I walked in to find him chatting away with someone while, even on a slow day, everyone else had to keep busy.

I enjoy keeping busy but, when things are slow, what's the point? Yeah, you pay me but let's see you do more at your managing position. CEOs have become notorious for fucking things up in companies but it's always the employees that are either fired or forced to take a pay cut when things go bad. Who gives himself a nice raise as a result? Oh, and stop bringing in your spoiled children after you tell us that hard work is important.

After work, I just might slash your spoiled shit's Porsche's tires on my way to my 1993 Dodge. No, fuck you, sir.

Ah, but life is fun. I'm counting down the days til I'm back to being whipped as a floor manager. The smells of Stinky and the gossip spit out by those that barely passed high school all get to me. I wonder if my boss, Doug, would keep to his word by streaking through the store one night after the busy Holiday season.

You know what grinds my gears? People that are so ignorant by writing the most moronic letters to the local newspaper, namely ours. Not too long ago, someone took a comic strip (Baby Blues) way too seriously by telling everyone that it somehow hides child abuse within. Hopefully, the newspaper has this person's address and a place at the retirement home is available.

But that letter was funny to me while this one pissed me off. An idiot of a guy writes all about how witchcraft is nothing but people worshipping Satan while sacrificing animals. Sorry to burst his bubble, but ignorance is the enemy.

Okay, I love witchcraft. In fact, I've defended it for so long. Why does Christianity oppose such a beautiful religion that is so much fun? There is no sacrificing of animals but more along the lines of celebrating the Earth. Witches believe more in the freedom of enjoyment while keeping everyone alive, namely plants and animals. Even idiots like the letter's writer somehow deserve to breathe.

I'm not a religious person but I do believe in taking care of the world and enjoying life. The Republican Agenda lies more along the "Let's destroy everything as fast as possible while........oh, shield your eyes, kid! There's a booby!" I want to feel free and not run down by life. I want to be able to run around naked and see people sexually happy rather than repressed. There's so much more to witchcraft because that's only a small reason why I enjoy that religion's beliefs.

FYI: Watch the classic, The Wicker Man, for a good idea as to what being free is like but with consequences. Plus, Christopher Lee sings!

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07