'Aye aye!' shouted the men.

And so the Articles were amended, the men sworn, and I became a pyrate."

-"Fanny" by Erica Jong p. 239

There was something that spoke to me when I saw this book at a garage sale long, long ago. Sure, the name of the author was one I remembered thanks to her brilliance shown in "Fear Of Flying," which I read after being relieved of my virginity. It was at this time that also after seeing one of Kristan's favorite books, "The Erotic Silence Of the American Housewife," that I began my slow descent into my love of female sexuality.

This book was so much fun! Sure, it took a little getting used to in how the characters spoke, being somewhat like a Shakespeare story we were ordered to read in English classes (Oh, I loved 'em, though!). It's just that once these 527 pages get going, they really get going. Start with some girls marveling over the size of men's pricks while looking through the keyhole, add a dash of disdain for a woman's virginity is not a sport, sprinkle in the delight of escaping splendar for squalor, step in a bit of being robbed by handsome men (unfortunately, gay), somehow find yourself locked in a whorehouse losing your virginity 50 times, and roast til a strong woman takes over a pirate ship.

Of course, "Fanny" is but a work of pure fiction. Women were very much seen as property at the time (and many religions still see them this way) where men were only into the cunny nestled underneath large long dresses. Since things are never of pure 100%, yes, there were female pirates long ago. I'm sure men taken prisoner by these female rogues were dying to be ravished in most obscene ways. Am I the only one thinking that there would be a lineup of males of all sizes standing there holding their pricks?

I'm a little tongue-tied as to what to tell you about this book. Almost 200 pages were read by me during this nasty heat. Although the heat wave is due soon, it feels like it already started. Right when I walked outside to watch Buffy run around, sweat started pouring down my back.

To give you an idea as to how bad things were in California, I heard that bats were literally dying by the bushel by just dropping dead on the ground.

Yet, somehow Lance Bass's being gay warrants more interest than our own pathetic lives. I was never into NSYNC so his tale doesn't interest me much. What I have always thought, when it comes to Lance, is that he is the close to being the ugliest one of the group. Those eyes are not even even but completely slanted in just about all the pictures I've seen of Lance. The worst thing is that I always thought JC was the gay one.

FYI: Remember, long ago how JC used to date Eva Longoria? In many interviews, she confessed how she had never had an orgasm until her current guy and had to play with her vibrator as a result. Plus, JC was with Tara Reid. How blind do you have to be?

Then again, I can unbelievably enough contradict myself. It's been noted that 30% of women have never had an orgasm. 'Tis sad, eh? Possibly because they've never met my tongue or had a night out with Colin Farrell. *snickers* My belief in all that is that all women should masturbate at an early age to see how their bodies react to various degrees of sexual stimulation. For instance, not every woman enjoys being orally seduced in the same way, flat tongue or flicked. Plus, some girls are just going to have to get it in their heads that sex is good and in no way do they need to say 20 Hail Marys afterwards.

That's a whole lotta argument that I kind of already stumbled on in the past. Unfortunately, I am more distracted by the large amount of itchy mosquito bites all over my legs. The damn things make my workouts on the treadmill a bit troublesome. With the lightest touch of my AJ shorts, an itchiness begins to swell thanks to some of these bites being so strategically placed.

Since various people (Yes, I'm looking at you, Sara) have taken the time to make fun of the holes in my socks, I've slowly started replacing them. I'll admit to a bit of laziness when it comes to this because I hate buying socks. Why? They're boring. As much as I love to see women wearing nothing but a pair of socks, these pieces of fabric look like nothing to me when it comes to myself.

The fun part is when my foot is raised while at Bald-O's only to find him pointing out the various holes. My unfortunate ability to walk around places without shoes brings this about. I'm truly trying by wearing my AJ sandles and picking up a new pair once in a while. Pretty soon, I'll have a complete collection of socks with no holes. Where are the others?

Aliens: "FUEL!!!!"

Don't get me started on the fact that I have not bought new Calvins in a while. Sara ripped a few of them yet she has the nerve to point out the holes she caused. Her humongous collection of panties are outweighs my undies.

And so a boy ('tis me) would like to venture out to the east to see his girlfriend. After reading "Fanny," I swear I feel like I've been away at sea to seek some kind of fortune to bring back. Almost 2 weeks since I've seen Sara but be warned. This weekend has been the first of this month that I've been at home. July has always been the month where I spend a lot of time in my car. With no sound system, I tend to talk to myself. Me, myself, and I work things out just fine.

Some of me wants to get into that book based on the 1-year life of an unlikely stripper. She does a great job of describing the various sick-o male fantasies she had to deal with while working in a booth. A few things I've never heard of. That future entry sure as hell aint gonna be PG-13.

Wonder who'll be my 21,000th hit.......could it be a knave that enjoys reading me all the time but never lists me as a fave? You know who you are, coward.

- - 2009-07-07

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Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07