-Jaws

I don't watch much TV. The appeal of sitting there like a zombie has been lost with me over the years. Sure, I love the occasional Reno 911! (Cops in my town love it and I do, too) episode while getting addicted to Bravo's Work Out (I work out so....), MTV's Making the Band 3 (Diddy ruining more lives), MTV's Cribs, Spike's Blade (Slowly getting better since that girl can handle guns), CW's Veronica Mars (Best detective show. Period.) and the enjoyment of watching Anderson Cooper dodge missles in Israel. All of that comes out to about an hour to 2 hours a day of TV.

My parents got me started on another show that I watch here and there. It all happened when I came home to find them laughing in the bedroom. As much as I would love to find them baked out of their minds while watching the 3 Stooges, it was all thanks to a show on the Discovery Channel, Dirty Jobs. I think my mom has a small crush on the host, Mike Rowe.

Not surprisingly, Dirty Jobs is just that, filthy jobs you either didn't know about or things that are so disgusting that you wonder how they get done. The first episode I watched had to do with sewage cleaning after people's toilets explode. Yup, one day you've got control the ol' commode on a Sunday morning with the newspaper. They next, your head is stuck in the ceiling while you wonder just how big you took a dump.

Don't ask about the mess I saw on that episode from Dirty Jobs. It was far worse than a 15-flusher thanks to Olive Garden.

Since Dirty Jobs runs on the same channel that praises the wonders of sharks, they had the host visit South Africa's Shark Alley. You could almost hear my heart beating much more than before because, folks, it's a place I wish I could visit. I'm more afraid of fish than the animal well known to this part of the country, the great white shark.

Mike Rowe got into a cage with a couple of great whites roaming around. Most people don't see the beauty in these creatures that I see. The great white's design is super sleek and perfect for what it does best, hunt and roam. I may love animals but I still enjoy seeing them leap out of the ocean while grabbing a seal or two. More graceful than a ballerina and better looking than me in a tu-tu?

Editor: "Yup, it would be impossible for tights to hide that nut sack of yours."

After years and years of reading about great whites, I forgot that they have 2 penises. Now, isn't that impressive? The only problem is that no one has ever seen a great white mate. No one. We know they enjoy rough sex because the females always show "love bites" from other great whites.

Note to self: I need some of those love bites.

Man, I can't remember how much a great white shark tour costs but I'd love to get on a boat to take pictures. Forget about deep sea fishing since, yes, I have a small fear of fish while sharks are not so much. A friend of mine didn't know what to do with me while fishing late at night since I wouldn't touch the catfish he hauled in with hot dogs.

FYI: Sara and her dad get a kick out of my fear of fish. Both are experienced fishermen. At least I'm not afraid of crayfish or alligators. Lobster is another story.

What kind of idiot runs in weather like this? Me. Well, you can add Cass because she ran 2 miles with me on the treadmill somewhere around noon today. It was almost as hot inside the gym as it was outside. With only 10 minutes spent inside working on shoulders, I was already sweating bullets while Old Nick seemed fascinated on my story of California's bat population just dropping dead thanks to the heat.

*Long sentence. Must.......rest.*

Man, I missed Cass! It's been a little over 2 weeks since I've seen the girl that helped motivate me to get my ass on the treadmill. While we work out in different areas, she still decided to join me for a run. Yup, I ran, baby! Not walking like last time. A run! My little buns of steel were working overtime.

2,000th entry coming up. That's a very big deal since I've been on D-Land since.........about 5 years? 4 years? I'll look since I've been coming up with various things to say in that extra special entry, kind of like how Natalie of Facts Of Life gave her virginity to Snake or where Punk Brewster grew a pair of tits so she and Henry had to go buy a bra. That's how special I am, like an NBC one with a parental warning since we just might talk about tits.

You know what? I feel kind of weird since I haven't seen my girlfriend in about 2 weeks. Of course, I had that get-together with Bald-O but I'm now rehydrated and ready to hunt my favorite tigress in her bed. My ass hasn't been smacked red for forever.

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07