-Pulp Fiction

Know how to make a geek's eyes get all swirly? Mention to him that there is a well-hidden trailer on the 'Net for the Transformers movie due out next year (July ?). Wanna watch my geeky goddess, Sammy, do the same thing? Just start talking a bit like a turtle, ya know, that "Cowabunga, dude!"

Yeah, I was standing in line waiting for the comic shop to open and just had to blurt out to one of the guys that a movie trailer debuted some time ago on this secretive Transformers movie. I grew up with that stuff just like everyone else so I'm dying to see what they did with Megatron, Optimus, and Soundwave. Soundwave was my absolute favorite thanks to changing from a cassete deck while we all know everyone busted out some moves during commercials.

"Bumblebee, shake what yo' mama gave ya!"

I'd kiss anyone on the cheek that could tell me the names of all the Dinobauts. No fair to those that look them up on the 'Net.

FYI: My favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was Raphael while my favorite G.I.Joe was Storm Shadow. This is quite a conflicting admittance of character love since these 2 are completely different. Raphael is more of a badass that enjoys violence while Storm Shadow is the quiet assassin that'll cut your throat over the slightest mistake.

As you can see, I'm still a kid at heart, but a sweet motherfucker that has enjoyed the Christina Aguilera-fest on MTV. Did you see these? Christina gave some live performances that were so well-thought out that it makes me wonder why singers stopped with such a vibe. You know the type, that 1920's look and old time music your parents danced around to, or more likely, your grandparents danced to around the radio.

Seriously, Christina brought out a feeling of what's old is new again while keeping to her inner-naughtiness. Yup, I loved that winky stuff along with a special song to her mom for keeping things alive while dad was violent.

Who knows what will happen with Britney Spears. She married one of the biggest dolts, showed how pathetic she is in dealing with her own issues, cannot seem to behave professional by chewing gum during an interview, and thinks her being knocked up again will have people stay interested in her. I could go on but I'm sure a lot of you have more to say on Britney.

I'm curious how Paris Hilton's album (due next Tuesday) will do. She swears she is a music artist and blah, blah, blah. I doubt Paris knows how to write a song and many I hear say her live performances are pathetic. Did you see Paris give the audience a gyno view recently? At least, she knows how to keep the boys interested in what looked like a reverse view of her ass. Yeah, what was hanging down there looked like a view of her ass from the front. Weird.

I'm slowly getting into this UFC fighting shit. This is weird to me because I was never into boxing or wrestling. Mike Tyson and the occasional wrestling soap operas were amusing but they only held me for so long. Tyson's boxing skills are gone and there is only so much a wrestler can give out til you get bored. Yeah, the old days of college did find me watching a little TV. Would you believe all of us guys sat around watching Temptation Island? True dat!

The UFC fighting is basically 2 guys in an octagon that pummel each other for 3 5-minute rounds. That blood can pour and those punches are nasty when done in a fury. I, truly, do not know how I'd do in such an event since I suck at the wrestling bit (got taken down by a 150-pounder that used to wrestle in high school). My only defence is that I can break a person's arms when the time is right.

In my gym, there is a poster of one of the guys that works out there presenting himself in a sanctioned fight. You know the type. Looks like he barely or didn't graduate from high school and has a mohawk. This guy comes around every once in a while, so, from the looks of him, I'd say his only highlight is speed. Why these guys fight is beyond me. Didn't any of them learn from Rocky 5? Yo, you can, like, get serious brain damage and be forced to put your son in a movie with ya.

As for my life, Joe's back in the gym. Remember him? If not, he's the guy that told me to see other girls while I was with Sara thanks to all the waves I was getting. Joe dumped his girlfriend for hinting at marriage too many times and wanted me to join him in the singlehood. In other words, a lot of testosterone.

Now? Joe's thinking marriage. This shocked me because all I heard from him in the gym was how deadset he was against it for some time. Does love do that? Change a guy from a ball of muscle and beer into a Gumby that wants to be with his Pokey? This Italian girlfriend (I don't like her much) has done wonders to him as she stays over at his place more.

FYI: Every now and then, guys in my gym will grab my arm to look at my ring finger. Joe, Slut Watcher, Old Nick, and 1 other person I cannot remember do this once a month. Never have I ever worn a ring of any type since I'm such a mess inside.

So, if I'm up for it, we're gonna talk pussy control tomorrow. Things have been heating up in my mind thanks to some sort of testosterone build-up from watching these UFC fights. For once, I feel a little manly n' stuff instead of being able to quote Clueless and tell y'all how impressed I was with Pride & Prejudice. I swear there are some big balls down there that need to be placed on a padded seat for all to marvel at. Thanks for the advice, Nick. Happy twats all around.

- - 2009-07-07

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