-My fortune cookie

So, I am back but I must admit to being slightly at a loss as to what to say. Being gone for what looks to be a week, I now have to get back into my usual set-up and finding my groove here on Diaryland. Plus, 7 days is a lot to explain in 1 or 2 entries that I try to put you with a view through my eyes.

I will tell you this. Going through 5 states can make you wonder where the fuck you are. Rest stops are the basic place to figure out which state and how many more miles to go. While looking at maps to pass the time, seeing as girls take longer to pee, I just cannot help but notice how so many people bring their pets with them. There were lots of dogs roaming rest stops while I take a wild guess as to which of the 5 states I am in.

Of course, my route started with me going to Indiana in order to meet up with girlfriend, Sara. If you'd like to follow me boys and girls, go along the interstate of 65 and work your way as best you can to Anderson, South Carolina and then to Atlanta, Georgia. 5 states in all were what I could count, Tennessee, Kentucky, North Caolina, South Carolina, and Georgia all in 24 hours.

Road trips are scary, real scary. It's here that you find out how strong your relationship is with a lover or even friends. I'm sure there are people that deserve to be left at a rest stop but that's not the case with us, Sara, Carrie, and Chris. Nope, we're still alive and I have no claw marks marking my skin. The scratches on my back were a gift from Sara, though.

What have I learned? Laugh all you want but I just have to ask this. Have you ever farted yourself awake? I did this a couple times in South Carolina while a sleeping Sara was to my left. What I cannot figure out is how deep into sleep I was only to allow my ass to have conversations with the night yet still wake up to look around like Mel Gibson's worrying that Jews are knocking at his door holding plenty of weapons that tell him "forgiveness" is about to start.

I'm not a gassy person. I'd like to say that I'm classy enough to not motion myself to the side to let one out that would make girls run and boys clap. It's just that 3 moments where I farted only to sit straight up as if I'm looking for the elephant that walked in is pretty weird to me. As far as I could tell, Sara was completely asleep during all my music for the night.

I'd love to get into all that happened due to my week's absence. Should I condense it?

-Wonder why I look grumpy or lack of sleep? Kittens. Kittens enjoy playing with my toes late at night. Sara and I slept in the living room on a fold-out couch. What we didn't expect was 2 little temporary additions in the family's home. Once we got into South Carolina around midnight and dying to sleep at least a few hours before our wake-up call for 5am, I noticed 2 little faces looking at me. It was these 2 little kittens that attacked me as best they could all night. Never mind the others, it was my toes they wanted.

-Stopped at a porn palace in Tennessee. You're tired from driving? A porn palace is a definite eye-opener since there is nothing like large plastic penises and the smell of some sort of lube once you walk in. Personally, I thought the place looked bigger from the outside than what we got once we walked in. Sara looked to be having a great time with so many sex toys and various clothes that invite fetishes. All porno cheerleaders must have the number "69" or there is not reason to cheer. Me, in need to pee, can't help but notice the Astroglide in the garbage can in the men's restroom. The presentation of too many dripping wet vaginas can drive a man nuts. Literally.

-I have pictures. You didn't think I'd go all that way with nothing to show for it now did ya? The convention in downtown Atlanta is basically a place for nerds, geeks, dweebs, losers, and the Star Wars (plus Trekkies!) to get together and hope a girl dressed as Princess Leia in slave garb walks by. Girls may have cooties but Leia in a metal bikini and nothing is a nerd's wet dream.

I'm not sure when I will put up pictures. There are a few things I must do while I'm so dying to show you what goes on. Unfortunately, the convention was not as cool as last year's. The celebrities were not as great while the whole set-up caused more pain for my feet. It should be 1 hotel with everything, not going in between 2 where you run into a guy dressed as a giant green pickle.

Alas, I do have one picture of moi with a very famous person everyone should recognize. It was pretty damn cool running into him. If everything works out, be ready for a lot of other types of pictures since I should show the boys, Bald-O and Mark.

- - 2009-07-07

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