-The caption on my t-shirt I bought at the porn palace in Tennessee

Nice to know I am THE place to go when people surfing the 'Net are looking for the following:

-Rope bondage

-Dirty Panties

-Women that love to look at penises

I can always count on the pervs to stop by my diary and the find themselves reading (yes, reading since I have no porn pictures) several entries. Hopefully, they learned a few things when it comes to women or more enjoyment on whatever small minds they have. Personally, I never understood the need to Google such things.

So, where was I? Oh, I know! That road trip where I was coming back from Atlanta. It was here that I was pretty mad at Sara for losing her badge for entering certain sections at the convention. I had taken a lot of little snipes from her over questions I asked only to feel stupid. It was here that I was mad enough to question what she would have done if I had lost my badge.

Plus, with sore feet and only about an hour of sleep, I didn't want to talk to anyone. Sara kept looking at me in the car on the way home but I just looked elsewhere. As much as she says that's the way she grew up, it's not what I'm used to. All I wanted to do was just cool off on the hour drive back to South Carolina.

Kittens, or at least just watching them play, can help bring you out of a funk. Works for me as the grey one kept pouncing on the orange one til it was time to feed off of the mother. I'm a sucker for dogs but also for baby animals so you'll hear me oohing and ahhing.

My loot from the convention wasn't much at least to your standards. The artist for the comic, Bloodrayne, autographed a lithograph picture for me. Sara's favorite comic artist of the comic, 'Shiver In the Dark,' signed a couple pictures and a free issue. Someday, I'll frame them but for now..........not sure what I'll do with them. Love the pictures but I have so much stuff on my walls at this time.

So, was all the pain in my feet, lack of sleep, and little tiff with Sara worth it? Of course! It all makes us stronger as Sara and I found ourselves talking in the living room about our little problem. She knows what I'm talking about so I'm not going to go into needless detail that you, faithful reader, might not understand.

The rest of the time spent in South Carolina was somewhat relaxing. There are, obviously, cats so much sneezing and clogged up nose issues as each day passes. My eyes even add their annoyances by becoming watery in order to protect from cat hair containing cat saliva floating in the air. It's not cats that people are allergic to but the saliva (also found on the hair, duh).

Sometimes, I love it when an ex-athlete wants to talk about the old days of playing sports. It's either football or baseball and, yes, I do get nostalgic over the past. There is nothing like being on a field in much padding while trying to run away from even bigger guys in padding. Needless to say, I talked football with a guy staying at the house I had never met before.

FYI: This was all after viewing the most insane videos on the 'Net where Japanese people are using porta-potties only to be ejected from them in front of people. Sara saw me cry laughing over the naked guys sent down ski slopes while the chair being used went extra fast thanks to a small engine. Imagine pooping only to doing it in front of people but also going extra fast.

The guy found it funny how I had to go into detail about a football game I played in college where no one could take down this 275 pound guy. 2 people tried and even a third couldn't do it when the guy ran through our line. Me, all it took was me to throw all my 190 pounds and take that fucker down. I'll never forget that day, something I can brag about.

Going home was interesting since the other couple, Carrie and Chris, were now fighting. Sara had to point this out to me at the rest stop because I just wasn't paying any attention. The whole time, this couple wouldn't talk to each other. None of her hands running down his arms as he drove. No hands from him feeling her thighs. I tell ya, I'm clueless once in a while seeing as I just cannot wait to get home and actually sleep without kittens attacking my toes.

Of course, prior to all this, I had the episode I mentioned earlier where I farted myself awake 3 times. No kittens were harmed during these events that will stay between you and me.

What's a good way to get a couple that is fighting to talk again? Stop at a porn palace protected by giant crosses. Who knows why they were erected. Could just be symbols to tell the traveling priests to swing on by the live arcade in the back. Put the altar boys on hold, father. We've got some eager beaver for ya!

Behold, Carrie and Chris were talking again while scanning the aisle of fetish wear. I was just doing a looksee since it's different after you've had a lot of sex in your life. There's no more to surprise you but more along the lines of "Do people really find that fun?"

DVDs are the best to catch up with what other people are up to these days. Those crazy kids will find a fetish for everything. You've got your bondage section, she-males, male-shes, college girls flashing, urination nation, anal fixation (sometimes, I wonder just how many things can go up a girl's ass), spanking, and leather. Anything else, I just didn't walk through that area long enough to read over the DVDs.

I'm comfortable in a room where large plastic penises, pocket vaginas, and sex swings are all around me. The selection of lube was huge and placed like a grocery store's putting gum in the checkout aisle. Got your dildo? Gonna need something to get it in there.

The section where the fetish wear was should have had more selection. My problem with it was that you have this large room but only a small amount to pick through. No, I'm not saying I wear a little French maid's outfit but Sara and Carrie, I'm sure, would have liked more to look at. Me? I bought the t-shirt above in black. Other choices were:

-"Got Pussy?"

-"You're Damn Right I Got Off!"

-"Smile If You Swallow."

You just cannot go wrong walking around a conservative town wearing such t-shirts. There were more slogans but I can't think of them right now. Do visit a large porn palace to understand what I am talking about. Don't forget your lube and smile at the cashier. She'll remember you.

Getting back into Indiana late at night felt so damn good. A bed, a bed was all I could think about since I didn't sleep well on a fold-out couch and then the floor where you'd think I visited Taco Bell earlier. I just wanted to pass out for hours and hours. Didn't happen because I was up early for some strange reason.

Of course, my birthday happened. It was nice of 1 person on Diaryland to wish me one. I've learned to not expect anything from people but it was nice. I knew I'd find a card in the mail from Sammy.

I don't know about you but each birthday that passes gets less and less of my attention. The only point is that someone at least knows of it and wishes happiness ("Hey, at least you're not fat!"). It's all about taking the time to examine your life or get really drunk while singing sad songs on karaoke.

Sara got me a few books and her parents took me to a really nice restaurant. Whoo! We are talking some of the finest cooked food I've ever had in a while. I ate salad. Yes, I the hater of salad, enjoyed my house salad with mushrooms, cheese, and bleu dressing. It was a very rare feat and just might be done again since those leaves were fresh, yo.

You know what? That's pretty damn nice of Sara's parents to take me out like that. It was going to be just Sara and I but her dad wanted to join in. I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot seeing as he wanted to hug me on my birthday prior to getting artwork back from a framing business. My parents would do the same thing for Sara.

Sara made a good point. What do you get a guy that has everything? DVDs and CDs are pretty much out. I've pretty much obtained every book I've ever wanted to read. Clothing is iffy because you've got to know whether my shoulders will fit into it without tearing. All that's left is a grey Batman t-shirt with a yellow symbol on the chest. Christmas isn't too far off so the problem comes right back at ya.

So, there ya go. Porn stores can get people back to their old loving state thanks to the power of large penis shaped objects and a discussion on lube. Having kittens means no sleep as they attack toes while I hope I don't have another Taco Bell moment. Birthdays are sexy when a slice of carrot cake contains a candle and a smiling girlfriend on my left.

*Sara, I'll get back to you soon. I've been so wrung out on catching up with things in this house. Cleaning up and ridding my room of Buffy's puke does wonders to my already spinning head.*

- - 2009-07-07

Love Facebook - 2009-05-07

Retards Away! - 2009-02-16

Jackasses! I Sees 'Em! - 2008-11-28

My Birthday Happened - 2008-09-07